Very TOUCHING...

Have we burdened our senses with such information overload that technology is keeping our sensibilities preoccupied to the level of numbness?

Being sensitive is considered a con agreed, but where has our lack of awareness gone?

We can now connect at the press of a button... things are getting as real as it virtually can get....

Right from Skype classes to facetime celebrations to E conferencing, mass broadcasts and going live on practically anything in and out of this world is the trend of the day....

What bothers me is that being technically close in this scenario has made us unavailable for each other in real world....

When was the last time we ve finished an entire coffee mug in a cafe with our loved one without looking at a screen? 

Have we enjoyed and gone through the highs and lows and emotional twirls of a movie without hurriedly checking out for any message updates....?

When have we actually checked into a new place to be with our folks and spend time with them without bothering to check in on status at FB or with tags of people we are with....?

Do we have more moments in our memory than on our memory card???

Do we try and relax recollecting fond times without relying on that hard disk storage that has to by default document every milestone?

What's the rush, why this urgency

Why this mandatory clutter n cramping of data piles???

While GB's of virtual layers cover our senses, we are turning into loners....

What do we miss the most?

Having to hear someone out by listening...

Meeting someone actually and not bothering to show it anywhere....

The magic of Pen and paper....

Letters...why are they so underrated?

Being beside each other with nothing to fidget or swap or scroll in our hands....

Sitting besides not even talking can make more sense if we try to listen to the unspoken...

Silence can be loud...

Hugs, where are the hugs gone....

No, not the buddy, colleague , best friend, pout bestie, cousin posing hug.... not at all....

The real one... where you share warmth...

Where there is an exchange of vibrations....

Where we surrender to the moment in the meet...

Where are the smiles gone....

The sighs of finally seeing someone...

Where is the hand holding gone?

Why aren't there enough kisses around???

Forehead kisses...

kisses on the cheeks, over the hands kisses, on the palms, on the shoulder, on the head and over the lips....

Kisses which show reassurance , care, gratitude, appreciation, love, value and much more... 

Do we hug and kiss our partners, children, parents , friends, loved ones and pets often....

Human touch is a blessing....

And we are bestowed with the boon of feelings... 

With age, conservative approach and social stigma the gift of touch has become either an exploited area or an unexplored aspect in our day to day living....

Many may ask, Why touch when you can tell? 

Why not touch and let it speak for itself...

By touch I am not at all entering the ,

"I m not the touchy feely types baba" zone....

Touch for expression is something so natural that many of us have ignored it  for most part of our lives....

Why not hold hands....? Isn't it a fantastic thing to do? 

Why not Sit close to your father?

why not cuddle with your grandson who has practically missed having you around for all this time?

Elder we get, we need to get gentler more open and more accepting .... ultimately reaching a state of awareness wherein we recognise the power of everything....

So next time let us make it a point to turn off the television and keep our phones away when we eat....

Let us drink our beverages without looking at screens but with full concentration towards what we want to say...

Let us watch a play or a concert without having to record it...

Let us enjoy a party without a surge of capturing it....

Let us experience nature first hand without anything electronic in our hands....

Let us meet and hug more often...

Let us kiss our loved ones appropriately and enough so that we can experience the gift of expression to its maximum...

Let us laugh loud, clap and give each other that high five...

Let us chuckle n blink like old times and gather for a group hug....

Let us breathe and be there right in the moment....

Let us snuggle and cuddle real close with our precious significants...

We will then mean the words 

'i love you' , 

'i have missed you ' 

'you are special'

'i want you to stay'

'let us do this'

'i am all yours'

'we are blessed'

'i am so excited'..... and many more...

Touch and tell...

let it be pure, let it be natural, let it be ubinhibitive, let it be non judgemental, let go of the ego....

Let there be HUGS , KISSES, CUDDLES, HOLDING HANDS, COMPANY and PRESENCE....

We would like to live the gift of life to the fullest and have no regrets....

We would like to come home to warmth and not lonely cubicals...

We are here to share and care....

We are blessed with emotions and feelings....

Let us show what we have got...

Let it be real...

Let it be in sync with nature....

Let it be love based and not fear based....

Let us bask in positivity, joy and happiness....

Let us just BE...

- Prajakta Sathe

Ripe bond...

I was a huge part of my Grandpa's life. C.A. by profession , avid reader and an atheist he was the most straightforward person one could ever meet... He had a no nonsense policy and took responsibility of every action of his. He meticulously planned every single day and worked clockwise may it be in professional or personal life... He gave me one huge gift.... a quote....
He used to call me Sonya. "Sonya, always forgive and forget" he said.... He saw me grow, blossom, rise, drown and struggle.... he always knew my highs and lows... he was the one who always believed in me.... he was someone I could have gone to as my sounding board.... but I realised this long after he was gone... my evolution into mature adulthood did not intersect on his time on this earth.
People in my family still say that I was probably the only person he loved the most in his lifetime... The only time he cried in life was when he bid me farewell and send me off as a bride on my marriage day... He had tears in his eyes when I met him last in the hospital and fed him tea with Marie biscuits that evening.... I left for another city the same night, never to see him again...
There are periods in your life where you choose to be so unaware about everything else , that this precious bond slipped off my palms like dry sand long before I could fathom...
Had it been today.... I could have never ever missed having a father figure in life since I d accept him as my Go To man with full awareness....
Nonetheless.... He was past and I am glad I now know how dearly he loved me till his last breath....
The day he died, I was away attending a family function at Nagpur...
I knew he wasn't been keeping well,
I had visited him just the day I left for Nagpur....
My maiden family hadn't told me that Grandpa was hospitalised since they wanted me to concentrate on my newly married in law's house function...
I didn't have even a faint idea about him being in a coma....
Amidst a poem recital evening where I was sitting amongst a crowd of relatives listening to poetry, I felt numb and restless . There were knots in the stomach and extreme upheaval....
I got up and came down in the garden to call back home....
I just asked, he is going isn't he?
The voice on the other end broke into a teary affirmation....
Such was our bond... I was on phone just when the monitor showed his pulse going down sinking into a zero...
I just knew he was going.... and he made sure I knew....
Some things remain special and unanswered in life....
This evening was one such mystery...
Well, this was about another man in my life...
Ajoba...

Figuring out about father figure...

Having posted about my father, I thought of also posting about how life shapes up for every individual... unique, unrepetative non synonymous are the words that ring in my mind when I think of how even identical twins have a diametrically different experience world...
I was the only child of my parents and I do not know if this makes it a fortunate fact or otherwise since I don't know how growing up in company would be? I was raised with meticulous planning and good cocooning in and out if the house... however this did not make me limited to exposure, however I was definitely more self conscious than most of my peers in school.
Studying in an girls only school, going to learn Kathak where most of my batch mates were girls, my contact with boys of my age remained limited to the gymnastic camp, theatre workshops and playtime mates during holidays. As I ve mentioned earlier , dad was as good as frighteningly absent , I had no brother and next to nil close cousin who would enrich my interaction with the opposite sex.
Grandpa was grandpa and knew exactly what his grand daughter was made up of.... he made sure he pushed me in the right direction at right time..
But... I missed having a father figure in life.... a dad, a pop, a Papa, a daddy to go to... to ask questions about, to tell about some things which only a daughter and a dad can share... that special bond... the pampering care... the feeling of being protected...
I never felt safe of falling back on anyone strong or having a backup plan in the form of a father figure....
This made many things difficult.
The idea of Man/boys/males seemed alien and unexplored... and hence fascinating....
This led to experiences which were very different that most of my peer girl contemporaries.... I will try and share my experiences with people in general in the blog posts that follow....
And by doing this I am absolutely not trying to gain any sympathy nevertheless I would definitely like to Comb through the complex intermingling of trigger action response result circuit that we fall in our adulthood. Dissecting the nitty gritties of childhood influences on Adolescent behaviour has been my personal favorite subject of research...
So far, so good.... I ll call it a day....
They say a blog a day keeps stress at bay.... I hope this stands true for me...
Goodnight folks.
Ciao....

God, father and I

There are somethings which are just there. And we cannot touch them... they are so meant to be... like a few people in our lives or a handful of situations that we face at significant times of our life... if we look back, we 'd find there could hardly be any other way it could have been done and had it been any other way we wouldn't have been what we are today...
It's not just education and upbringing that makes us what we are but essentially the experience package that we have signed up for... having experience again does not guarentee wisdom, very few people evolve and go beyond what life has taught them...
Getting off the philosophical emblem I am going to aim at dwelling deep into my experience world and am going to fetch instances which might be collectively responsible for my present...
At an age where kids crave for an emotionally sound childhood, I was flung on a a dual living for existence... I had a biological mom and then I had my grand mom who raised me... so destiny in a way bestowed me with two female caregivers... one who provided for and exuded a string of attachment...my mother and the other my granny who raised me right from the age of a few months till I was well into teens reliving her motherhood but this time with a tinge of extra responsibility since I was someone else's child.... I stayed with my grand parents on weekdays and travelled to my suburban home to my parents house over the weekend... this made me crave the company of both sets of care givers... Mom was a good influence and a rare company which I craved for.... Dad was a conservative alpha male who was oblivious to the fact that he had a child, he would have been more involved had I been a Son instead of a daughter. That's his upbringing ofcourse....
I had a few traumatic experiences in the childhood as far as my paternal interactions are concerned...
Father has always based his life philosophy out of fear instead of out of love...
Hence Anger was a huge weapon he used to combat me. I use the word combat here which might sound a bit over the top , but in true sense he did. As unpretentious and carefree as I was...like all innocent children are, my child like natural playfulness was scarred for life by his bouts of outrage, hateful expression and egoistic attitude. I was exposed to a highly toxic spiteful language and actions rooting from violence throughout my childhood...
Ofcourse he in turn had his upbringing and circumstances to be how he was..
He had to work very early in life to support his family. Work pressure and financial independence brought him a plethora of ego boosting careless layer to the inferiority complex he had carried till then and then bad company at work made things easy to fall out... language harsh , addictions easy to follow and focus on progress blur.
I remember we had lots of flower trees in our ground floor apartment then. Making flower garlands was my favorite passtime over the weekends... one day I declared I d be making a huge one for our home Ganesh photo frame.... Hence I did.... in my excitement I wore it myself to show my parents how it looked.... I was unaware of the religious aspects of making offerings of exclusivity to Deities then....
Baba in outrage ripped off the garland off my neck and flung it out of the balcony saying I have ruined it....
There was Anger Volume and Hatred in his words....
All I remember crystal clear that my heart pounded heavily as tears rolled down my tender cheeks....
This was my first tryst with Religion based on idol worship which was fear based....
Once I smelled some flowers kept for his Puja, the episode repeated....
Once an offering slipped off my hand and fell to the ground, the episode repeated....
Once I touched God's frame before I bathed the episode repeated....
My mother was protective however she couldn't surpass his Negativity...
My aunt was a Christian. Once she sent Easter eggs for us.
Incidentally it was Ganesh Chaturthi and everyone at home was about to break some fast.
I in excitement served everyone a piece of Easter eggs in their Naivedyam plates....
You can imagine what blasting I must have received to do an act like that...
I was labelled as their official Dharm bhrashtaa from then....
In my college years I was tagged and labelled as an Aashrit in the house which was a huge blow to my self esteem as a young girl...
Having said that I on the other hand was raised by an extremely liberal set of grandparents....
Grandfather a non believer in the concept of God and grandmom a believer in God but an absolute non ritualistic person....
This contrast in upbringing led to many questions in my young mind....
There was confusion about influence....
This made me neither a skeptic nor a follower.
However it definitely caused me a lot of baggage that I had to carry as an adult...
A baggage that was challenging to shed off....
However as I distanced myself from him as I grew up our clashes continued till we blocked each other's worlds from our lives until last 5 years since the birth of my Child Kanha our lives have intersected again and this time better and in a mellow way.
Not because he changed, but I did and the circumstances around me did too... his love for my son is unlimited raised to eternity.... this makes things comfortable and better for the family...
Kanha and my dad now share an extremely strong bond.... he dotes on his grandson while my little one bosses over his grand dad.
It's nice to watch this from a distance....
This time however, I watch as a human...
Completely unattached non involved unaffected and neutral towards both my father and my son.
Now however I have a Voice and assertiveness to put forth my views and principles of upbringing that I want to be executed while raising my child.
I strongly stand by my opinion that as much as I love being a mother, I believe that Kanha is through me and I don't own him...
This is a blessing , trust me it is....
I will try to pen down thoughts more often on this page with no barriers....
I guess life is an open book and venturing into spirituality has made me understand one thing....
It's okay to be vulnerable , it's okay to be dark, it's okay to suffer to fight to rise or not....
After all, We all are learning, are on the same journey, just at different times stages....
On the eve of his 64 th Birthday. I wish him all the best living a life of contentment peace and joy.
Had it not been for you, I wouldn't have been me....
Thank you Baba.

Nritya-Pancham

I faintly remember winning a Trophy as a young girl dancing on 'Ek Do Teen' song from 'Tezaab'. It was a dance competition at my mom's office on the occasion of annual puja ceremony. As I danced without training however with no inhibitions on stage, my mother sensed that this talent needed a structure and discipline. So she took me to one of the most prestigious dance institute in Mumbai at that time and enrolled me for Kathak.

 At that time I remember; for me, it was just a dance class with a strict teacher who told me to stand in a certain way and place my feet in a specific pattern and my fingers to be held close together and hand gestures to be executed in a particular manner. Frankly at that age I had no idea what I was doing and why I was told to do what needed to be done. Dance at that time for me was more interesting onscreen and the class decorum made it absolutely boring. I would complain of feet pain and legs aching and stomach hurting and teacher scolding me. I gave all excuses I could to skip my classes, but my parents kept at it. They would carry me back from class , apply balm and oil after practice and they would wait outside my class as moral support  till my batch was done outside the dance hall just to ensure I kept at it. All that whining finally faded after I slowly but surely saw the difference in myself while dancing as well as otherwise as a student of Kathak.

From a dread hour to a time that I gladly looked forward to, it took me a few years to realize that I belonged to dance as much as dance belonged to me and that my Dance teacher was not just a run of the mill tutor who taught me how to move, but indeed my Kathak Guru who taught me to embrace art as a way of life...

The grooming began on all fronts, I saw my Guru's taking their job of teaching very seriously.

Punctuality was my first lesson, I remember My Guru Ashatai, Soniatai and teachers Babitatai, Anildada always coming before time in class. This inculcated the value of time which I am proud to have followed till date. I also remember them carrying their meals from home and as I grew observing them, I absolutely vouch for eating home cooked stuff on and off class schedule... I saw the amount of hours they took to compose and formulate the curriculum, choreograph new compositions and calculate accurately which student will appear for which exam at what time according to his or her capacity and Tayyari amazes me.

I remember; my Gurus always dressed elegantly and looked graceful for every single class that I have had with them. This made me value personal presentation in my professional life which has benefited me in all ways, All of them had a one on one bond with each of their disciples. I am trying my level best to nurture the values bestowed upon me beyond the aesthetics of dance in day to day living.

After being in this field for almost 28 years now and after attending numerous dance workshops, I happened to attend Kathakatha Antardhara , a 5 day residential workshop at Rambhau Mhalgi Prabodhini organised by Laayangikam Trust under the tutilage of the great Kathak Maestro Pt. Rajendra Gangani 2nd time in a row. As much as last year, this year was even more fruitful in terms of the entire experience from an artist's point of view.

Right from the commencement of sessions as per the given time schedule to unbiased method of treating every student as an equal, this workshop was a page turner in true sense... The very fact that there were almost no mundane chores of daily life there, we had all the time to devote to one purpose that is Kathak. With the various sessions on the power of expression, music , accompaniment, rhythm the Bloom bud of inquisitiveness was watered with a constant fluid flow of knowledge and experience which epitomised us as seekers of Art and it blossomed opening its petals one by one every day....

I have experienced a divine connection and a sacred moment of a very personal and a pure bond that happened as I bowed down over Guruji's feet every morning after Natraj pujan. That Guru pranam was of a different league altogether. A disciple surrenders his ego and touches Guru's feet with full faith and the Guru with full acceptance blesses the disciple and takes responsibility of his thirst for knowledge. This is exactly what happened between every student in the workshop and Guruji. He is a high vibrational soul of an artist at an extremely advanced stage of evolution. This is felt by the way he conducts every practical session in class and the way he interacts with accompanists, co-artists, seniors, guest speakers as well as his disciples off class... He is I would strongly say an ideal example of how an artist should be.

The sessions with Smt.Rajashri Pathak on vocal accompaniment for Kathak was full of lyrical, musical and witty anecdotes. We were lost in time as she explored the folklore music in semi classical flavor that's used in Kathak. Smt. Manjari Sinha patiently answered all our doubts on critical evaluation of any performance and changed many misconceptions about the way articles are or should be written about Dance or any art per say.

The session with Pt. Suresh Talwalkar focused on the intricacies of taal and the way rhythm must be explored and deciphered by exponants. We were blessed to have an evening learning from another great artist Shri. Haresh Gangani teaching some of the authentic heritage bandish's of taal paksh from Jaipur gharana. One evening was spent with our Guruji asking him tete-a-tete questions straight from heart about his journey, kathak, riyaz, teaching methodologies etc. The in house accompanists Shri. Fatehsingh Gangani on tabla and Shri Parihar on lehra and vocals was a daily treat to us students. This year we explored Dhamar taal in practical sessions and an exquisite thumri 'Khelan Hari nikase'...

One of the largest conclaves with kathak performers and students from all over India under one roof was like a truly rare occurance. Exchange of ideas stories and experience made it even more enjoyable. The Kathak comunity is now close knit and wider every year as we make new friends and connect with farther cities and places breaking down barriers of geography and language uniting with one purpose Kathak.

Spacious riyaz hall, excellent acoustic setting, comfortable stay arrangement, clean rooms, vegetarian wholesome food and excellent management made this workshop a memory to cherish forever. A huge round of applause to the founder of Layangikam Smt. Archana Sunjay for organizing this workshop so meticulously. A loud shout out to my contemporaries to come experience this next year by joining the Layangikam family and living a dream of Gurukul in reality.

- Prajakta Sathe