If only...

There lay 1000 suns amidst the thought of asking you out and the possibility of even considering to sit across a table with those jet black eyes staring the hell out of me asking all curious questions without a single word...
Not because you were monogamous in your failed marriage to a girl out of your religion , not because I have been polygamous in my successful marriage within my community caste and subcaste too...
Not because you unjudged me for being happily uncommitted in a legal bond not because I excused you for now exploring physical perks of non matrimonial crown...
Not because you told me you are attracted to me not on face but on hush hush blue ticks at wee hours unbothered...
Not because the experimental kiss that happened between us was awkward from your end and totally working and hot on mine...
Unbothered because you cared to tell me no it's not working and that you can't do it to your best friend's wife...
Unbothered because you knew that I had already married my boyfriend's best friend once and that craziness runs in my blood
Not because it definitely unbothered me if  any faintest resemblance of her to me un-nerved you or maybe absolutely not...
But because it unbothered me if I could yet again fall for another best friend of my husband ...
History repeating itself till lessons were learnt was a scary realisation and both you and me were tired of running on and off this track with our historical baggages in tow...
Of questions about our present , about plastic fences that we pseudo cared for scare us even as we deny...
About synthetic conditioning that we were raised to believe in , about morals that societ reforms sulked about and about my genuine trust about human resonance...
Sure of my craziness of leaving it all and running off with a vibrationally synchronised soul about letting everyone love anyone and celebrating anyone loving everyone
About the shock, disbelief and unacceptance about my evolution from my crushes on different attributes at different times on different men...
If only we could take a step
If only we could learn to trust
If only we could build up a whim
If only if we dared to dream
If only we could hold the hand
And walk some steps...
With no sacred fire , zero precious metal rings , nil signs on pieces of paper
Live for an experience to be etched in our blueprints just to learn a lesson and move ahead in life without creating additional drama around things...
If only I could be humanly divine as you just like how divinely human I am...