Reverence

What introspection reveals is amazing.... realizing the importance of looking within. changes that are brought about by the divine intervention are simply beyond my imagination... i might falter if i try even remotely to sound idealistic... but the truth still remains that what is happening within me is by all means GOOD (period)... 

finding a teacher in life wasn't as important as it seems now... and now that I've found one... i am ohh so glad and so much more than that

the knowledge that everything happens for a reason and it happens because I have written it in my contract makes things so easy to look at and accept. the Villains in life suddenly start to get tolerable, rather what most we feel is utmost gratitude... each and every action of others is seen as a plot designed to happen in life.... and when there is something happening that isn't positive... you now have the power to not let it affect you.... the tools help cleanse you inside out... many a times its on an emotional level sometimes, physical... and just came to know the amount of emo-garb we put in till our age is unbelievable... 

on a personal note, it was mild fever first, painful abscess then, intense throat irritation next and finally now barfing instinct... can i be ever spotless like this... ha, probably not... probably yes... if i were ever to reach to the level of my gurus.... naush for example... just his snap radiates immense positive energy and peace..... i completely surrender to the fact that nature has given us everything in so much abundance.... the guides, souls like Naush and tanaz in this day and age.... even friends like chits and gubbi... absolutely brilliant... 

now that the exam season is almost done with.... i ll get more of solitude time. i pray for having a vacation post second week so that i could practice the spiritual tools bestowed upon me by the divinity and gurus with complete concentration... 

self healing thru tools on a daily basis is getting one step closer to the change i want to see around myself... actually its not even around me its inside... but then according to what tanaz taught, nothing is inside nothing is outside.... everything is energy, it might be you or it might be me...its not even that its just us or the universe thats us... or lets call everything and everyone god... 

Have been reading Naushir's blog and have been delighted with every other word that came from him... what a soul... his 'Putting your house in order' series of articles is outstanding example of what guidance he can provide thru any medium.... here its written... but the ppl who have commented on his blog have experienced his guidance thru meditations.... dreams... soul communication... so many ways....

I ve been sending micro blog .... my own version of updates to tanaz everyday... just to let her know my progress... rather journey and a tiny way to stay connected with her.... i know she is reading and blessing me somewhere.... 

Guides have given me some ideas about my dream project early this morning.... something which i want to talk about.... may be i lll write it on paper first. i want to show it to tanaz.... seek her guidance... and then post it here... i know i ve been getting positive signals from the universe and i feel really positive.... saying a little prayer to every soul which needs it... amen

live n love....

Gratitude...

finally... moving on does bring about changes... maybe this was the sole purpose of you being in my life... so that your outward drift would radiate energy that pushed me inward... seeking... what has been is what IS... I cant thank you enough for this contract we had on the spirit level... so that we could be in each others lives to fulfill the karmic debts... thanks for letting me know... its not about acquiring... its about.... winding up... amen.... love and light...

queasy...classy...trashy and many things on the side...

THOUGHT 1
i have been there myself. Whenever I need a literary reference I approach this one particularly,it makes it chillingly clear that even the thought of going inside,climbing the 'oh so dark' staircase would lead on to something so incredibly enlightening! Mumbai Marathi Granth Sangrahalay's unobtrusive existence in the hustle bustle of an overcrowded station road makes it hard to believe that there would b a place with quietness in magnified manifold waiting for us to explore. It has a typical moist bookish aroma to it that gets to you as soon as u enter the floor and an aura rarely matched up by a few places around the city that gets you back again and again...This is exactly where 'this' meets 'that'. A sure shot way to shrug off a heady intoxication of rude cityness is barging into the old library... It lulls me like a baby coming back in its mamma's arms. And then the journey begins, a not an express trip to lap up all you can in a few hours but a travel where you let the inked thoughts of glorious minds sink into your humble little brain... what a humbling experience. Cherished forever...

THOUGHT 2

I totally agree, I have tried watching n' number of movies with my Grand Mom and have been better entertained by her comments than the movie itself. She also told me stories from her young days when Grandpa used to take her to Metro to watch English 'cinema' and discuss the story over lunch.

She strongly recommends the Hollywood movies which are with English subtitles since she finds the spoken language to fast to catch. Once she gets into the story line, she actually says things like,"Here she comes...now they will kiss, isn't it?" She blushes when she watches any intimate scenes. She is bold enough to admit that films on HBO and star movies are more realistic. 

Its hilarious to watch action films with her when she'll comment, "Ata ha ka aala marayla? Kha maar, mar melya!" or hear her say "Areee re re bagh kashi bayko sodun geli re evdhyasha porala!" in response to an emotional scene. 

She also advices, "Ata patkan lagna karun taka...nahitar parat problems yetil" to the folks in love in the films. The list is endless and i cudnt find better words in english to rightly express what she keeps on saying...

THOUGHT 3

Love this urban trance...its so easy to get in the flow without realizing the infinitesimally unending run... its still on and we sure are used to making ourselves seem to enjoy it. Whatever it is, by the time its over, we wouldn't even come to know! Or may be ,we will...in a flash. I am hopeful.

THOUGHT 4 

We all have ways of expressing ourselves and some of us are better at it then the rest. Writing though seemingly superior and a personal favorite is almost a lame excuse of not exploring other forms of expression... 
We 1st learned to shout and jump and use our hands in signs way before we started writing. I agree its a super tool, only that it is as much internal or otherwise as shouting or crying. 
Ur blog made me think about the range of people who u have mentioned and their ways of expressions... some less fortunate to not have had the opportunity to explore several newer facets of creativity. Its fortunate to b an artist or a creative person than a Clerk or a Car mechanic or a Banker per say. 
Its nice to draw, paint,sketch, pen a few lines, dance, sing, cook, clean...trust me sometimes it even better to shed a few tears and scream. 
Dunno what we dig? but we sure are archeologists. Thanks a ton for the perspective!

मोहोळ

मनात मोहोळ विचारमक्षांचे

उठती हृदयी स्पंदनज्वाला

भाव तृषेचा तृप्त न होई

उरी आठवण तुझीच येता

किणकिणती हे अजुनी कंकण

रुणझुणती ते लाजरे पैंजण

नथ बुजरी जरी, चमकोनी तरी

करी इशारा तुजवर मोहून

प्रेमज्वराला कसले औषध

कसली निद्रा कसले मार्दव

लसलसते ते अंगी लाघवी

तुझेच बिंब ते चक्षुमधले

स्वार जरी हे खूळ तरी

वार होऊन हार करी

हरण्यात सौख्य मज मिळेल जरी,

ते जपून खोवीन खोप्यामधी

रात्रारंभी निद्राधीन होता

असशील तू मग माझ्या जवळी

सोडूनी जेव्हा केशसंभार हा

स्पर्शातून त्या सुकुमार बटांच्या

होशील माझा धुंद अनुभव

असेल तेची अमूल्य वैभव

Normally Quirky !

Took a friends suggestion seriously and finally submitted her with the styling assignment she challenged me with... I hope she will love my work and I find solace in colors and textiles yet again in her upcoming exhibit... I am amazed at how life takes unusual twists and turns at corners you never expected... and your true colors emerge in their highest capability under deadlines and stressed conditions...

But I couldnt answer her question as to what wud I love to concentrate on... apparels or accessories... Its like choosing between your head and heart... you cannot do without either of them... But I know there will be a day when I ll need to zero in on one... Till them I can dabble between both since I am yet not barging into business...

With time I ve realised that I am a deadline person... I cannot do my best unless and until I see a deadline coming... I work at my best under pressure and creative levels sore high under these circumstances...

Home front seems to be hectice... pa in law coming for dinner and a nights stay... classes in the evening... gudi padwa tomm.... weekend at pune calling... loads of tasks lined up once I land there... however quirky I may sound, I ll definitely try and do something unusual over the weekend. No one judges you when you are away from home... with unknown ppl around... hope the drive is safe and fun...

lots to write but time is up and have to sign off saying ta!!!!

Yummy mommy...

With the exercise routine getting regular, meals getting frequent with portion size decrease, I d be able to reach my pre-preg. weight asap... Followed the timetable I made to the T... Got a little carried away and took another walk in the evening instead of taking kanha for a pram stroll... selfish me...

I shudnt be doing this. happened to watch the tara sharma show which showed her enroll in and take a pram workout class... now i d be able to work with kanha in tow as well if i follow some of the moves they showed,,,, and whats this youtube for if you cannot learn some mean workout moves... so it wud be another win win situation if I wud be able to complete two tasks while at it... just that i ll nedd to forgo the making the imp. calls thingy while I am at it...

Kanha did not sleep last night... not even for a sec.... wonder what kept him awake and so hence my sleep went for a toss... He hates to sleep in his crib and wants to cuddle up with me on my bed instead... wicked baby... I am amazed at what exercise can do to one's being... instantaneous glow on the face... increased energy levels... decrease in lethargy spells... boosted stamina and in general a feeling of FRESHNESS...

Well the wardrobe clean up is on its way... havent been able to post pictures... but will soon will... and yeah... that might also show some difference in how i look... like those typical b4 and after pictures they show in ads (lol)

Summer makes it imperitive for me to take shower atleast twice a day... and a warm bath b4 bed is 'what an idea sirji' types... few drops of lavender in your bath can actually make a lot of difference. With this de stresser to my resque , not only did i sustain kanha's unreasonable tantrums but also sailed thru the night with whatever sleep I could manage to get... The wicked baby is fast asleep in MY BED with nice air conditioning and dark curtains drawn. He ll make sure that he ll make up for his lost sleep... But when will I ???

anything for the tag 'yummy mommy'

;P

Mom, this one's for you...

Have started to take control of how I feel about myself.

The first step is the amount of sleep I get... being a mom of a toddler has its own set of rules... You get to sleep only when ever your kid does but not ALWAYS when your kid does... So creating a decent schedule for sleep will help. Kanha sleeps at 11-ish sometime it extends to 12... but then sleeping withing half an hour after he sleeps is going to be my target and trying to make him sleep by 10.30 p.m. is gonna be my 2 nd one...Doing this will ensure that I sleep by 11 latest by 12 every night and get the required amount of sleep...This should kick start the healing of some minor health errors that spur now and then...

The second step is waking up at a fixed time (b4 kanha wakes up) preferably before hubby leaves and taking a walk...That means I should be back after this morning routine way b4 kanha wakes up and will give me ample amount of time to blog , chk mails, read newspapers, blog and in general plan my day in piece, have a glass of warm lemon juice with honey in absolute solitude... collect myself and get ready to play MOMMY as soon as kanha gets up...

The third step is skip tea (unless suffering from cold/cough) and split breakfast in 2 portions... with a gap of two hours... 1st part fruits... 2nd part fresh 'nashta'... not forgetting my dietary suppliments and almonds.

The fourth step is to let go of that evil afternoon nap... Work instead so that I don't take pressure on myself in the evenings...

Take kanha for a stroll inhis pram whenever I dont have class... Make imp.phone calls when I am at it... Introduce an evening snack and make time to have it in peace... so that I am not exhausted by supper...

and last but not the least...smile :)

Mom, you shud b happy with these lifestyle changes, hopefully u ll get to see your radiant daughter soon... the one you long to see... amen

Projects...me and my fool-proofs :P

What a day!!! It just seems to get better with Time, isnt it? You age and turn sweeter...ripen and improve your taste with the improved tastes of the others around you... I am still adamant abt my views abt certain things in life... I d like to have head on collision with any mood spoilers around... I refuse to fall prey to any detrimental factors and hence had one of the most peaceful and calming days ever :D

It was a sunday, hubby was home... But I had my plans and I was so sure that I wud do anything it took to do it. Apart from grabbing so me time, I indulged in some serious reading..... This has been a to die for passion fading a slow death... But i read and read some more. So there were books and there were some more books that I flipped through... read random passages n pages and zeroed upon two... one in english and another in marathi... more about that later.

lame excuses not to clean up and rearrange my wardrobe have been out numbered by the number of chances I ve got to sweep them off... So now I have stumbled upon an Idea of one time wear and count.... I am in simple words gonna start and wear everything that my wardrobe has from the first clip, belt, shoe pair, scarfs, stoles, kurtis, leggings, kalamkaris, maheshwaris, sarees...till the bit of anklet and trinket I own... and wear anything just once and not repeat it untill I run out of clothes...

This will give me a fair idea of how many wearable clothes I have and also to make sure that i do not shop b4 i need... (impulsive shopping is allowed ;P) And yes, snaps will be the proof, but I might not be able to upload them all at once, I will do so in a collective way over the weekends or to be comfortable on a fortnight basis...

Ahh... something to look forward to :)

Lessons We learn...

Its been a fruitful eventful cheerful and hence important day. Could complete almost half the pile of work, the ther half hopefully will be completed tomorrow.I d hate this blog to look like a diary, but then If I did not write what I exactly wanted to, then this would be a masked atempt to be truthful to what I do... Anyways, mom hope u get well soon from the small fall that you had. Hope things heal and u get alright just in time for your upcoming Birthday :)

The WORKOHOLIC (I d address him as W) screamed at me for no reason..Simple things that go wrong with him are turned on as things which I couldnt do for him... ahh, child like behaviour cannot be reasonable. He does this many a times now... He proposed a plan for eating out after ages... and that too CHINESE...one of my fav. But i flatly refused...I am not at all going out to have a meal with someone who blames me for Mistakes in his life... something I did not do in the first place. This situation is so silly stupid and INFANTILE that it shouldnt have even had even an infinitesimal change for me... but somehow it has... i did get reeeeeeaaallly irritated today with this crap. I just walked out... without saying a word. Silence works like magic sometimes...

I am going out n out and gonna sit and write the book I ve been longing to write very soon... I am gonna tick off all my to do's of 30 b4 30 one by one and am gonna rock on the 3rd of october this year. This is a promise... A promise I ve made to myself , to who I am and to my self respect...

P

This is a poem I read my on friend's blog by poet - Celmarique Swartz. It is just so apt.for what I ve been trying to say for a long long time to my elephant. Hope this one says just so... and make you feel what I do feel for you...

FOREVER

You came into my life on a simple way

Told me you love me almost everyday

Showed me happiness and made me smile

I started to love you after awhile.

My wish is that our love may never die

I wished that from the day we gave us a try

When I woke up this morning you were on my mind

Love you completely although they say love is blind.

Forever yours that's how I feel

I trust you completely for real.

Took the day as it came... listened to Manjusha Patil and Kalapini Komkali... Will listen to Pt. Vijay Ghate tom... Was as stressful as ever... hoping for a better tomorrow!!!

sexual salvation

Illusions about love and sex keep people today separate and alone. They laid their eyes on each other and their fates were sealed... Think about it!!! Love is just a trick nature plays on us. Its a way of bringing more babies screaming into the world. Romance is a myth, a manipulation. Here all academic opinions are purely subjective. You don't hear music when you kiss, do you? The person you are with isn't a movie star either! Many times a lot many things are malicious, a fantasy... The addiction to beauty and perfection is created by advertising. It just breeds on people's pathetic desires. People don't have their opinions anymore. Media tells us what is beautiful and whats not. T.V. serials show us what relationships should look and feel like. Sex, is a fiction - popularly known as falling in love, which drives people crazy. Its pseudo-sub cutaneous and if u get somewhere in between, in the end you are either mad, alone or dead... Gimme a break dude!!!

its night already!!!

Main waari jaavan

Saatho ki hoya ve kasoor re

Dil to ye hoya majboor

Chhu liya tune lab se aankhon ko

Mannatein poori tum se hi

Tu mile jahaan mera jahaan hai wahaan

Raunake saari tumse hi

Piya Re Piya Re Piya

Inn dooriyo'n ne nazdeekiyo'n se sauda koi kar liya

Jhuk ke nigaaho'n ne Dil se Ishq ka wada koi kar liya

Sau-sau taaron se bhar ke ye daaman

Le chal mujhe kahin door

good lyrics... excellent song..

I ve been humming this one incessantly for days on the end...

Had the mood to listen to ghazals by Ashatai, Ghulam ali & hariharan - my favorites.

I am listening to Yun saja chand on youtube while typing this message... the mood is set, the lights are all on the dim mode... night lamp is on... i can see the moon from here... everyone is alseep but everything isnt...

Today just streamed off like a swift breeze... Before I knew it it was night... some of the time was spent in retaliating... some in dreaming and a lot of time slogging out on the work load that has been since a day or two... thank god for a weekend, i d be expecting some nice reading time... me time... relaxing day at a spa or just a long long walk with no one around... not even my i pod. i like being alone now a days... its so peaceful!!! Its either total innocence when kanha is around or a chaos when i am with people and a lot more zen like feel when i am with myself... main aur meri tanhai... I dont wanna sound like a loner but who wants company in this crazed world where the only sane people are children and the most drugged ones are the teetotallers.

I sometimes fear that i am getting more and more unmoved by the people near and around me... and connecting to the ones who are in no way related to me. I cried while watching an emo.scene on the T.V. today and was taken aback by the stark difference I expressed when I heard something from hubby... I ve been typing enough rubbish already... time to de-toxify...

Sweep...

I was planning not to go overboard and not to blog multiple times in a day... but today has been indeed one day when i came to many conclusions... I was confused if I indeed got to catch my 40 winks in the noon... i clearly remember taking a look at the watch right b4 i shut my eyes it was 2.30p.m. and i woke up at 2.53 p.m. exactly feeling as fresh as a dew drop... as if i went into a deep meditative spell... the awakening made me weirdly confident in something... and this thing is what i havent figured out yet.... guess i dreamed about something yet again...

and as 'Banwara mann...' plays through my speakers soothing my senses... i suddenly realize that i have done nothing to curb this back pain that has been troubling me for some days now... or may be i might not even be aware of it now... something is different here.... definitely different... and different is good for me...

SAPAN PADLA...

Of late I ve been getting these strange dreams which have no relation to actual life what so ever. I dreamt about being with someone in a technologically advanced room, or was it a cabin. i should document my dreams immediately as soon as i wake up. another dream where i was sick. another one where i was travelling in a train. another one where i was in news, everything is bizzare to the extent of tagging it as rubbish. well.. off to slumber now... enough of elephantine stories now... time to elephantize...oops... sleep....zzzzzz

You are the music in my life!!!

Life takes unusual twists and turns and surprises us when we have least expected it to!!! We meet a few good souls.. some of them turn out to be soul mates!!! some become a part of our lives and others just come and go like a whiff of freshly brewed coffee... You do find similarities in some. I did find a human who looks sounds talks walks and even behaves in a way my elephant behaved some 10 years back. I ve heard the myth about us having 7 lookalikes in the world... wow...i could really get to believe this tonight. But no one on this good heaven and earth can come as close to what I had. My elephant, he was so perfect, so truthful, so full of life, so dashing and interesting and fun to be around!!! I wish the genie would come and just get us together somehow... together for good and forever. I still am in love with him. If not in this, I would be yours in the next life. Want to be reborn as your soul mate...

Love...s**u

Real women don't "wish"..we go out and make it happen!!

Finally after the whole hum-dum aboout me being lethargic about my life, I certainly had a rocking day work wise... even if it was a sunday, I started many new projects on personal and professional front. Started drafting content for my book and had my 1st meet for opening up a new branch of my dance academy. hope this gives me an add on momentum to enquire about and take necessary steps to start another branch at a school located at a stones throw distance from my house. the list of pending things still lingers, but I am happy that I could at least shake off some dust off my skin and emerge clean in my own judgement. Home front was excellently managed by m om n dad and hubby being away still completely ROCKS!!!

Kick some a**

its about dreaming... about possibilities that you might, you could , you would and if you should... when is the actual step taken? when the water starts dripping off the brim? you know your glass is not full yet , you know what you want and where you want to be, but things just dont happen... destiny doesnt always listen to you? what do you do? sulk? cry? frustrate yourself to crumbles? bang your head against super gaint imaginary boulders? or look out for shoulders to rest upon???

I am in a situation just like the one described above... in a pickle... and that too a very sour one... aahh.... kya idea hai sirji!!! doesnt happen in real life man... i hate to sound negative and neither do i wanna be tagged a pessimist... just wanna get free. from self. I am lazy. I should kick ass and go about n do what i want. I want to sing , paint, dance, act, write, teach, shop , design, conceptualise and do what not...I want to make music as efficiently as i dream of making love to the love of my life.. i want to CREATE.

what kind of proactive injection do i need to get to do all of this? I ve always dreamed of decorating, styling and farming... (not gardening)... I want to be able to ride a horse and drive a car with equal finesse... 30 b4 30 isnt helping... shit... crap... kick ass and grow up girl... life isnt going to just happen. work at it!!!

Thirst...

Its a day after rang panchami. A day when you get to see people with fadded colors on their skin only proving what fun they had the day before... For me it was a more relaxed and laid back day because of lesser to do's on the list and mom and dad at help. I read a newspaper after a long long time. Could u actually believe that I consider getting to read a news paper a luxury??? And yes I slept... to my hearts content. wow... things look good. Hubby went to Delhi for bro's wedding reception. So its a free free weekend with mom and dad at my house. yippie!!! Husbands going away can actually take stress off your shoulders...truely...as Shocking as it may seem. I aam actually relieved to face this situation... I want to say a lot... express so many things pricking deep in my heart... but i cannot. I just cant let go of these inhibitions. Only thing I know is that I love the 'elephant'... But does he care? I wish I wish he would... I wish if he could call me up just once. Wish he could mail me... wish he could meet me... Wishes are like rain drops...very few can quench a parched throat... only when they reach the glass and come together as one do they make what we call as THE WATER...

0-emo

I am going good, a few small speed breakers here n there but it still is a lot better than it used to be. Its about being comfortable in one's own skin... Its not about proving anything to anyone.... Its really a relaxed chilled kind of a state of mind. Not at all stressed... Took de stressing seriously when the physician suggested I sit back and take it easy.... The B.P. was at an all time low and hence the realization. Taking one day at a time helps.... Admiring people around helps... Talking helps... staying put too helps at times. keeping my mouth shut has brought tons of happy moments in my life. moments i cudnt possibly mention about. Ahh... there is nothing more physically or emotionally pleasing than a '0' state of mind. No mirth no despair. Its just a plain state of calm. call it what you like. as if i care... do i??? ZEN feeling???nopes ... zero feeling??? yay...