Trust me...its real

People love the Full Moon Night, and I wonder why this bias? 

I believe my beauty has nothing to do with or without the presence of an attention seeker

Because I am deep , dark , mystic, romantic and cold

My body bejeweled with sparkling twinkle

I lit up my black, sprinkling it with crushed diamonds from near and far

Sky is my breath, and light my lover that I meld into & Horizon, my bed 

My home, this vast expansive infinitesimally non ending space 

There are strings attached, and forces too!

Some distant, some near, some attracting others crashing

I have mini affairs with other sources but return back to my light

He makes me feel home

I look on when a star dies , like cells in a live body and earthlings below...

Yes a black hole same color as mine and the same shade of grief...

Enlightens me about about this circle

Galaxies are distant families, planets from other solar systems relatives

Their suns, my fantasies... Some supernovas my flings...

I wonder why they came up with the term one night stand

I laugh aloud at the negative glory they embark upon my existence 

Standing or lying down, cherished memories happen,  also in broad day light...

Silly them...

Nevertheless I am happy taking the blame off my love for good...

People who come for star gazing are my favorites

They admire my ebony aesthetics and I gift them my best animation ever

Bring on the shooting starts, asteroids, comets and the works

They applaud, I smile...

flashing my constellations for people who know or pretend to

Yet I yearn to meet and dissolve in the day on our fixed date every time...

He is bright and handsome and motivates the mortals  

While I bring solace to the artists and the misfits

I behave differently with different beings

I flirt with Mars and Dominate Venus

Some places, I abandon them for long,

These earthlings may have burdened my lover 

With smoke and chemicals and particles that kill

I too am un glorified with thefts and wrongdoings of human mind

But we , He and I are divine entities and we don't judge 

We will show up on our turns and won't fail or budge

I fade my cool into his warm embrace 

While he comes crashing on my lap to feel the breeze and rest

he and me Romance personified from the beginning of time till the end 

Which may never come, we rejoice because here or there in this world or that

No matter what , only love is real, just love is real, trust me, love is real!!!

Dreams continue...

Yesterday my best girlfriend Luna Tai had come for a sleepover non ending talk session. I slept for sleeping sake but was vividly dreaming. I dreamt about an underground construction site full of bamboo stairs and step ups to go up and down. I also dreamt of a complete stranger and remember his name as Girish Kulkarni (not resembling to any Girish Kulkarni that I know of) and this stranger keeps following me at the construction site. I also saw that I am wearing heels and am finding it difficult to climb the flimsy bamboo makeshift stairways at the venue but at the same time I wondered why I wouldn't flung them off my feet in a jiffy (like I always do in a real life situation...) I also saw Kanha suddenly grown in body of a teenager but his face still baby like. I also saw my sister in law Mukta telling me it's normal for kids now a days to attain early puberty.
None of these events match nor make sense individually nor cohesively.
However it's important that I document them as a part of my journal.
Family returns back tomorrow so technically it's the last day of this year's solitude. What a blessing it's been. Amen to Now.

Weird dreams

Last few days have been encrusted with specifically out of the line dreams which I have failed to document but now I will and I must.

1)There was a dream where I found suddenly 5 infants living in my home and random objects moving like a cloth bag , a plastic cover , a storage box , a kitchen container , laundry bag... I near and look inside to find another toddler or kid or baby coming out... My house is filled with a couple of dozens of children and I wonder why....
2) There was a dream wherein I am at the boutique of a well-known brand of clothing specifically known for their brilliant sarees
I am looking at their mini dress collection and wondering why they suddenly started doing one piece collection. I found a young girl looking at the clothes besides me in the boutique telling me in hushed tones that she has just come here to get inspired and is going to copy their style material and pattern to get the same pieces cheaper in price. I was calm when I heard her (not surprised)
3) In this dream I go to meet my childhood friend Sweta who in the dream is pregnant with her second child and is in labor. I am at an get together to which she suddenly turns up saying they have Cancelled the delivery because they aren't in mood. Gosh... The statement itself is hilarious and yet I am holding her baby at the next instant and wondering how did the baby turn up in my arms . Very weird dream.

I had to document these since I had a revelation of sorts with respect to people their addictions, baggage and attachments. I have kept meeting some fabulous old and new friends in the last couple of days thinking and feeling grateful to divinity for having make me come across them.

It's almost the last week (weekend) of the year and I am contemplating introspecting and thanking everything and everyone
I hope I get the strength to absorb the positivity keep creating and feeling inspired and acknowledge, recognise  and keep any negativity at bay. Having said that , my solo 9 days are blissfully centering and blessed by solitude.
So far going great!

Day 17 - FB exile end

This is the dawn of the last day of FB exile and I am eager to log in tomorrow to see a familiarly unfamiliar world. :)

Day 16 - FB exile

Finally another day to go for the 17 day final exile to come to an end on the 23 rd
I will be revisiting FB on 24 th. Its way past midnight and I am awake and pondering over many things. Of what it has taught me, given me or taken away? Actually nothing has changed but it's a wake up call to consider my time as precious and use it wisely. I want to be able to be fully aware and conscious about what is happening inside and out... I am thankful for this day for being fruitful and a happy too...
Firstly it was a matter of great pride and reassurance to see Kanha dancing so well in the Christmas carnival at his school. Then I think I did something impossible...  I went to the gym dispite the fact that we had woken up early and were sleepy. Came back to a healthy meal , Kanha's feeding and a 10 min nap and woke up to clear mess in the house since maids didn't arrive. Then woke Kanha up fed him his evening meal n send him to play untill which I packed their bags made coffee for Kanha and did the laundry. After they left for their flight I cooked upma watched TV and Chromecast chatted And now calling it a day!
I feel happy and satisfied about today. I feel I am blessed.
Amen

Day 15 - FB exile

I was immensely sleepy but woke up with a teeth grinding sound. Kanha cub's first milk tooth is about to fall off and hence the sound. It was spookily un-nerving. I felt guilty of having spanked him for throwing off a morsel of food from my hand. His tantrums and my temper will need more management henceforth. I must bring more ease and less technology around myself when he is around. I have realised that I ignore him if I am talking to someone over the phone or chatting on whatsapp. I must reduce and start focussing on one thing at a time. Why do I do the circus of feeding him while typing when the T.v. is also on. No need to multitask - note to self.
I lost my temper at mom for a domestic matter.
The reason was a coagulation of frustration because my trustworthy kitchen manager is leaving for good. For a job near to her. What upset me that in spite of paying her 10k for 3 hours of work , she isn't ready to stay back. I wonder if I can even retain her with 12k since she told me her expectations are 15k. For 3 hours of cooking and kitchen management is ridiculous. But it's a matter of habituation trust and confort. If I go to calculate 500 per day comes roughly upto say Rs.140 per hour of labor which is okay and I must see the big picture.
If I can spend 12k on my hair treatment at B blunt or use a 1700 worth Body splash from Body shop or use a 1600 cream from forest essentials and also spend 800 per hour on Kanha's therapy plus pay close to 60k per month for his education then why do I think twice or thrice about a few thousands per month to a  maid. Mind knows , heart doesn't agree. Everybody tells me that I can maybe get 3 maids in 15k rather or a full time one in 12k. I must decide and take plunge if need be.
It's like my whole world depends on it... Like, really? Lol... Hell no.... Who knows, I might really turn out to be India's answer to No ;)
I haven't wished Mom and Dad on their 35th year wedding anniversary. I am stating facts without attaching feelings to it. One may choose to say certain things or note down for reference , rememberence or pure documentation. There are no positive or negative feelings attached to the above fact.
I spoke to a few close friends over the phone about Music , life, philosophy and general What's up in each others life.
Also received the delivery of a fresh batch of zingy sauces and fiery wok mixes for impromptu cooking. I rearranged my herb basket and refilled the fresh produce
Yesterday was iceberg lettuce olives tomato onion with sweet chilli and siriacha dressing
With Broccoli tomato beet soup.
Today was Cottage cheese, olives , basil, sultanas , tomato onion , dry oregano and peri peri with English mustard dressing With Oyster mushroom and spinach soup.
Winter is getting exciting food wise.
New experiments await. I love the happenings in the kitchen at the same time I am nervous about the cook. God save me and remove me from this misery. Like Dear AD says, it's the monkey in the head that's miserable, not you. I must learn I must grow for good. It's almost 2 am and I am typing away in half sleep. I must also mention about some videos that I watched on YouTube. They were about Teens turning into parents, about cosmetic surgery and look manipulation , augmentation of body and enhancement of features gone from right to left extremes.
I also saw videos about Transgender world where I watched the interview of Buck angel a transgender pornstar, born a woman turned into a man with a vagina.
Gosh! no one would believe he has a female sex organ , he looks that manly. Balian buschman originally a woman athlete operated to be a man and now celebrity transgender reformer and speaker has had the penile implant.
Men looking better than what men could ever possibly look and over whom any woman would fall for...
Born as a woman!!! Why?
Why would they choose this for themselves in their blueprint ?
What are their lessons?
What experience do they seek
Such hot hot guys...I read something interesting in an article...It says that we are reborn many times...Often of the same gender.   Then when it's time to change genders, we are born for three or four births as transgenders or homosexuals as we get used to Opposite gender....
And it says that therefore at any given time on earth 5 to 10 percent people are gay or Transgender or lesbians ...As they slowly get used to changing sex.  And are always misunderstood and condemned by the rest of the world.
It really opened my eyes to the existence of these people.
Also realising that one day in some life we too will be them.
Having said that I feel completely focused and confident of my feminine side and wouldn't want it any other way than being a woman atleast in this lifetime. Well for next, I trust my higher self to take the right decision. Signing off...
Curious bird.

Day 14 - FB exile

They say we have our own moments of weakness and victory. No one is spared. Unless we choose to make them learning moments and move on. Moving on and letting go has been the vibe since the last few days and more so in an increasing graph of sorts. Old energy , stagnated beliefs , people who drain you, people who put their garbage dump on you, people who are bored , everything and anything which gives a sense of non belonging needs to go, get off and discarded. New year is meant to be a new page and a new leaf turned. Why hold on to a frail connect which might have a better future if it shrivelled and fell to ground. Chances are that new associations would bring an air of freshness. Not letting go needs huge unlearning. Why the idea of comfort of an old tie threaten us into an idea of discomfort just in anticipation of what could it be without it. Well, for all we could know it would really mean we move a notch higher for good. Why not embrace what's new and fresh and be open to working with it. Threats don't work in the positive world nor does fear. Recycle Renew Refresh Reinvent Revolutionise Recognise Reform Rejoice Rewire
I am going to let it flow. I believe that I am meant to be guided well. I trust the Divine.
- God's child

Day 13 - FB exile

Yesterday had a gorgeous evening with my dear friend AD at the organic Gourmet food festival at the Sofitel lawn. Amazing dips, trail mixes, home made sauces, fresh seasonings , jams, honey, breads, wine, teas, infusions , ceramics, cruelty free make up, all things pretty, wooden frames, cold pressed Juices and yum stalls all unified under one title Eating and good life. And then there was ambient lighting, cool evening breeze, well dressed people with elegant tastes and live guitar playing. How better can it get! I had the best time , tummy full and heart filled with glee.
I am so glad I went and returned full of jolly good energy and the taste of amazing hummus and jasmine blend on my tongue. What a life. Today too I made it up a notch higher than yesterday by getting up half an hour early. I aspire to get this time preponed so that I get good two hours before I begin my day... So much to write but I am sleepy. So night night...

Day 12 - FB exile

I am zoned out today. Since yesterday. We had to drop Kanha for a birthday party yesterday at Santacruz West. We planned to drop him and catch up with each other over a coffee (which I don't drink) or some snacks. So husband took me to Theobroma near 15 th road. It's much unlike the pretty n quaint one near the town side. This one is crowded and busy and the temperature and the lighting is all wrong. For me personally ambience matters as much as the food. Firstly I am not much of a bakery person and then again I hate where there is no connect between people who talk due to too much noise and crowd. The Tomato , sundried tomato and goats cheese sandwich I ordered was Yum yum yum... The rum n raisin browny was overtly sweet to my taste.
Husband ate chicken mayo roll (white bread) , super sugary hot chocolate and also red velvet the cup cake (which was good)
During eating our conversation headed to how I have a secret dream of hosting a Food show like Nigella Lawson to which Husband said if I did I'd look like Rakhi Sawant. ( I have been compared to her another time as well which I happen to remember) To which I didn't react. I smiled. A smile is a response and not a reaction. I don't let non positive things brew inside , so blogging about it is a way of venting out. I may choose to say that it hasn't affected me in noticeable ways. But somewhere I am concerned about how some people visualise other people. I am at a stage where I am at peace with my own self and at complete satisfaction with my health and happiness. I love the way my life is working out and super happy about my journey of learning.
I am no one to judge Himanshu , Rakhi Sawant, Nigella Lawson nor myself for anything.
We are on our respective journeys.
Just that, some statements stay with us for life. Much like glass markers permanently etched meant to stay for good. (Our picture of the café titled surprise date with wife is getting close to a couple of hundred likes on Facebook he says. I am happy to hear this.)
Love is what I want to feel give receive and spread. And I am going to be doing just that.
Amen
- Bird who doesn't yet know it's free...

Day 11 - FB exile

It's already past 10 days and I don't believe that I have made through more than half the estimated exile. I happened to attend a concert yesterday evening and loved only one performer in it. She was the youngest and quickest dusky grace that lit the stage on fire. It had other two performers who were seriously mediocre in presentation specially so in front of the dance goddess that I loved watching. Happy to have seen an act so perfected and brilliant after a long time. I hope to watch more of her and experience the magic of art unravel on stage. Not taking names keeps ambiguity afloat as well as curiousity up.
So far so good.
Free bird.

Day 10 - FB exile

Ahh... Yesterday got to me. Got so busy in doing stuff and managing things that I had no energy to type a post by 12.15 am when I returned back to bed. Even today it's been crazy since morning. I am on a cleaning spree. I would however like to note that while doing stuff recently I try and multitask by putting up some interesting motivational inspiring video on YouTube and put on my wireless my ear phones. I like to own my time and royally. One thing I am learning for good is not having to justify actions that give me heartfelt happiness or joy. I am glad I called in my new friend home and He and I had such a fabulously deeply reassuring , inspirational conversation. I am touched by the warmth and the mirth that he exuded and I consider a blessing having him around. And for a fact that if  someone's company gives such positivity, if I can be myself and not get conscious that's a sure shot sign that the person is for keeps.
I am going to value a few good souls I am coming across and enjoy their presence and our experience till it is destined to last. I am not going to owe an explanation to anyone as to why I want to meet and talk to a certain person and listen to lectures about leading my life on someone else's terms.
Facebook exile happened for good maybe something nice is going to come my way... But not being a puppet in someone else's hands is a personal choice.
I feel empowered and this feeling is worth a celebration.
I am discarding any staleness or impending sluggish energies around. Choosing to stay away from negativity and am going to go ahead and keep living my life and making it happen. Hell with people with baggage. If you wanna rock I ll give you a hand and let's party. I am certainly not going to be a part of anyone's sulk game...
Life's looking up.
I am here to stay and smile.
Signing off
Free bird.

Day 9 - FB exile

Another day full of smooth events. Today was special not only because the Leg and bicep day @gym coincided with the day Uno of menstrual cycle, but also for the fact that I did not let that deter my enthusiasm or efforts in completing the pre planned workout. So it was 400 full throttle squats along with a hundred each of leg press, calves, hamstrings, glutes, bicep curls, bench curls, hammer curls, single arm concentration, bench biceps done to the T and as per the instructions of my Trainer. I didn't crib at all though I was a bit irritated at the blasting speakers and A.C. temperature  inside. My smart trainer sensed my irritating and switched off the speakers and took me out in the open for the rest of the workout.
I am on the top of the world for mixing a fab bowl of Iceberg Olive tomato and onion salad with minimum dressing and a cheese slice which turned out to be brilliant.  What a fab lunch. This was preceded by the fabulous Gond Laddu by my Granny. My noon was made. Caught up on a few winks around 10 mins of quick nap. Kanha came from school in a good mood , fed him and made some kadak adrak wali chai for myself and granny. Post that went out to fetch some veggies and get some fresh air. On my way back played with Kanha and other building kids in our play area. Came home to meditate , chant and get centred after I lit the ghee lamp and the dhoop making the most of the evening. Had a bowl of fresh Tuwar curry and Yogurt (full of protein)
Added on a face mask and a DIY cream massage while watching some inspiring YouTube videos on chromecast. Now popped my calcium , freshened, cleaned, brushed and dressed for bed I have husbandjis plate ready and served in the kitchen platform. His night dress ready on the couch. I hope he returns before midnight and catches on some sleep since it's a big day tomorrow. We have our first ever open day for Kanha cub in his school.
All well for today. I will do one more thing before I sleep. Connect with Guruji , write to him and then call it a day.
Ciao...
Singing Bird.

Day 8 - FB exile

Today I felt heavy when I woke up. As in heavy in spirit. However I was determined to pull through the day in the best way I can... Gym happened well with 100 percent credit to my trainer who pushed me through with all his might. A milestone passed as I did chest press variations forgoing the dumbbells And using barbell with plates. My best was 12.5 kgs in each hand. Today with total 50 kg plates on the bar I surpassed last times threshold with double weight and full force. I couldn't have been happier. Though the happiness didn't show on face. Came home to a solid meal of robust one dish green peas Usal
And fresh yogurt. Protein quotient up, I Watched back to back episodes of Under the Gunn Project Runaway. Then slept like a baby for an hour. Woke up , fetched Kanha, fed him got ready and travelled to class shivering in cab. Yes the chills revisit. Class was good but long and way back pleasant. Returned home to a noisy interior and underfed Kanha. However let him be thinking he would ask for more food if he was hungry. Ate n now almost sleepy again.
I promised Guruji to write to him every single day. I know how important is staying connected to divinity is. Tomorrow is leg day in gym and I am cringing right now at the thought, though I pledge to give my best. It's a do or die and I am gonna rock. Cancelled my singing class only because I need time to introspect about so many more things, read write draw paint cook or just reorganise and stare into nothingness. I love this non FB phase. I am starting to get used to it. I thought fear deep down of not feeling like returning back to social media at all... I may. I love the fact that I have special people connected with me in so many ways. Kind hearted brilliant souls. I am super blessed. Muaaah to life.
- Singing Bird.

Day 7 - FB exile

I am prone to winter chills and today was a day when I woke up to get a shiver and a really bad one at that. Chills leave me a bit derailed both physically and emotionally in a way that I am deterred to venture out that day for anything at all. So here I am slowly trudging through the chores for the day and cautiously measuring my steps. The energy is low, throat pain and a runny nose... I am yearning to go and workout but my body is aching. The constant struggle between the body and the mind is at an all-time high. And guess this time I may let my body win. It's one of those days when I am not even up to make myself a cup of tea. Well, I did manage to finish some pending paperwork and a few important phone calls. I prayed today. I lit up a few fancy incense and ghee lamp and felt better. I reconnected with people whom I thought I had left behind by messaging them and letting them know I am there and I care. A dear friend have me a pep talk call and cared to be a phenomenal listener. I vented out to him and then chatted some calming Gupshup for quite some time. Feeling nice! I can hear the noon Azaans from two masjids nearby... The clock is ticking loudly in the room. And I can even hear my own heart beat. It's incredible how awareness calms us down... I love my life and everyone associated with it. It's still cold. But I have a warm lamp lit deep within. It's comforting. I am blessed.

Day 6 - FB exile

So, today is my blessed day. I get to meet the anchor of my life, my God, my Guruji Naushir.
Not much happened , I anticipated great sleep but the driver toli in the compound decided to talk about demonitisation and joke loudly not letting me sleep. I goofed up forgot to take the gift I had carefully kept ready for a birthday party that Kanha was supposed to attend. Poor husband had to drive back home to collect it and he didn't utter a word nor he got mad.
Class was good with two new Admissions. Completed a choreography on a Baithi thumri to my full satisfaction. Happy for today. I binged today since it was my cheat day. Binged on home cooked food though. Much happened and I talked to my heart's content with him. Glad to know from him that he is happy to see me on the right track in the spiritual journey.
I am sleepy and am going to end this post without any drama. Goodnight world.
Singing Bird

Day 5 - FB exile

As I sit breathing peacefully in a clean calm cosy and comfortable home on a Sunday noon where the morning hustle has just faded , maids gone , husband and son off for their fun date, I m sitting here counting my blessings. It is so calm here that I can even hear the silence. The occasional crows here and there , the whistles of the rice cooker on the floor below, the Sunday chicken smell from the flat above, while my place smells of 'bhimseni kaapur' , real loban incense and ghee diya. It is a perfect setting for chanting or meditation. How I wish... This space looks like a freshly bathed n swaddled baby wrapped in a cloud of Johnson fragrance and a tiny 'nazar ka Kala tikka' on his forehead.
I get ready to go out for visiting the children's literature fest which Sathe boys are attending to say a casual Hi and feed them lunch. Post that I leave for Dadar to shop for necessities. Yes some good old vasai , palghar fresh produce which relies on community supported farm projects. It's awesome how much greens the season brings. Everything is crisp. The raw green 'tuvar dal beans' the raw rajma with the bean , the fresh turmeric , the gooseberries, the colocasia , the juiciest pineapples , the 'nagpur oranges', the 'achari mirchi' I go berserk with choice and fill 4 huge cloth bags full of flora and lunge around to go to the gannewala guzzling down a full glass of freshly squeezed sugarcane Juice to feel energised and then trod the busy Sunday noon fashion footpath of the other side... It's amazing to see the enthusiasm of Mumbaikar's to forgo their post lunch siesta and decide to shop with conviction. From diamonds to chaddis , you name it and Dadar gives it to you. I hailed a Kali peeli and went to the rustic quieter east Dadar Hindu Colony to pick up Nani dear from my aunt's for her routine winter stay.
I go, do some amazing Mahila gossip about maids and relatives, hear inside jokes and non kept secrets from them over adrak chai. Then Maasi wants to give some stuff with Grandma to which I say let's go! So Maasi and I go and shop Some more at Dadar TT. We return and call for an Uber and travel with tons of Gupshup, Nani and I. Returning home with bags full of produce the rest of the evening is engaged in cutting cleaning and sorting veggies and fruits and putting them in proper storage bags to last.
Phew, I make tomato omelettes for dinner serving them from pan to plate good old Sanskaari Gruhini style. And then take a nice hot Nilgiri bath to soothe my nerves and settle to type. It's been a busy and productive day. This weekend was brilliant. I am awaiting to meet my Guruji tomorrow. New week... New plans... I did miss FB once today but didn't feel tempted. So long till it lasts... I crave for something sweet . Hopefully a haldi dudh will suffice or shall I call 'Turmeric Latte'.
Goodnight
- Singing Bird.

Day 4 - FB exile

I watched Dear Zindagi a week back. And I realised what a stressful childhood can do to one's adult life. I also realised my own childhood which was torn apart between two homes of parents and grandparents. About how I could hold ground to none of these houses and had nothing to be called a home. The primary reason why I married very early in life was because I wanted to settle down , for the first and the very final time. Little did I realise that there are many settling and unsettling phases in life and what happens between them is growth. Well, if we take it that way. The reason why I am deliberately letting my mind ponder over past because I don't visit there often (which is great by the way) however in this journey of finding time it's natural to go back and revisit the bygones. I have developed a wonderful habit of watching atleast one TEDx talk everyday. I find them extremely thought provoking, knowledgeable, uplifting in many ways and inspiring too. They talked about how bring loved unconditionally and profoundly in childhood leads to the development of strong immunity towards stress induced repercussions. The loved kids have a natural tendency to remain more calm and relaxed than the rest. That's not rocket science at all, but it's strange why I didn't think about this logically . I guess parenting sometimes is heavily laced with serious philosophy that we have seldom forgotten to bloody enjoy being parents. To find happiness in being around our babies. At the same time I came across a workshop review of a dear friend who worked on an important principle of Non-violent or compassionate communication developed by Marshall Rosenberg in the early 1960s.
I recollected as to how I wasn't deeply heard with full concentration by my parents and that need lied unfulfilled till now.
And I was doing the same mistake with my child. I overlooked what he said. I wasn't listening. I was habituated to hearing. I wasn't responding, I was just reacting (again an episode repeat) but the loop had to stop. I need to unlearn and start listening and responding to what Kanha says. I need to focus on the feel world. Be more gentle whenever I can and create tons of FOND memories for us. I need to balance the game of NEED and STRATEGY without confusing the two to be one.
I started by slowly removing stressors. Eg. He hates to drink milk or flavoured milk that our tradition teaches us to make kids have before school. I tried a glass. Then reduced it to half. And then to no milk because he cried every morning. Why don't kids have a choice of what to have. I am going to try cornflakes with nuts or maybe a fruit or dates if they work but for the time being it's nothing.
He likes to sleep after he bathes in the morning. I try n get him ready 10 mins early so that he gets his blanket time.
If we can work things around a bit why not?
We do that for our friends n coworkers don't we? Then why not for our children?
Earlier I had decided the eating schedule as to when to eat what. Now I ask him, if he wants rice n dal or roti subzi or fruit or a snack.
He tells me and I do the needful .
Why can't he decide what he wants? And I have stopped shoveling food in his mouth. I stop the minute he says he is full and I believe him when he says he is not hungry and doesn't want any food at all.
I found joy in embracing my motherhood by respecting him and enjoying his presence without entangling myself in chores. The more I think about it the better I get going through as days pass.
Same things apply to humans whom I love being around. Deep compassionate ear and genuinely honest conversation where expression is made as if one talks to oneself is cherished.
I now know who I d like to spend time and thankfully I come to know about it soon. Being kind towards myself had reflected in my relations with others. I value meeting people and spending one on one more than mindless random activities. They also have importance at times and are desperately needed. But this... The one on one, the awareness, the empathy towards self and other is utmost important. Respecting feelings and not loading expectations is a sure way key to happiness. I may sound philosophical because that's what I actually feel right now.
Today was all about my Son.
And I am glad I found some amazing things within. It's a new day already...
Signing off.
- Singing bird

Day 3 - FB exile

Yesterday was a series of sudden events which I refuse to call unfortunate since they lead to wonderful insights. I must document everything I have come across in this period since it's a journey of some realisation.
A) First the fridge has gas leakage and no cooling, so I have everything melting inside, the whole dairy stuff and the works, the chocolate stuff and then the degradable Stuff uff... I was up heating everything or running to neighbours embarrassingly seeking some space in their cold space (err. Psychologically where no one likes to be :P)... The taxing task of emptying the fridge comes with the inspection (i know from experience) so I kept it empty n ready for inspection. The fridge guy came and fixed the leakage n went. I am happy.
B ) There are days when the almighty tests us in ways we have no idea about ....  Second half of the day, I have everything turning to ice and  crumbles. All fresh produce turn into Ice... Phew... Again a frantic call to the fixers, again the circus of deloading the interiors, they come to tell me it's the thermostat problem.
They have it fixed.... I keep stuff back , this time haphazardly . No I don't have patience to organise things again... :(
C) Within this culinary accident there was another thing happening , we get an unknown call from a stranger from a bus telling us that our old maid was with her and she has had a convulsion while in the vehicle. They were dropping her to a stop with an accompanying lady. So we go searching for her , return home without any trace and worried our maid calls us from Mahalaxmi station saying She couldn't fathom how she reached there. We instruct her how to return back to her house at chuna bhatti praying that she keeps conscious and aware.
D) In the mean while I somehow manage my workout , some morsels of food and rearranging stuff around the house and a bit of unplanned singing (which is not practice by the way) And I am exhausted and need sleep. Kanha comes in from school sleepy , refuses to sleep and passes out on my lap.
E) I also happened to come across a human who has been slogging his ass off to achieve his goals by taking one project at a time. More about him in a later post since he deserves to have a separate one dedicated just to him... This time it's fasting for preparing for his everest expedition. Not one or two but a mega 28 days. He is on the 10 th day by the way and as sweet and composed as he could ever be. Only water occasional flavours added by a few drops of lemon or green tea. I am fortunate to have listened about his experience and journey close and am so inspired by him. Respect!!!  This man is on a mission and I am in awe of him and his determination and above all the way he looks at life...
I am blessed to have found a great friend in him.
F) I am dreaming more vividly relevantly and being able to recollect my dreams after I wake up... They appear unrelated though but I must mention things I remember since now my brain has space to store more and hence feel more.
A dream about meeting my ex-students in dance and they were rude to me (duh...) , a huge Custard apple is what I am recollecting. I don't know why? Maybe I ll get some link at the end, or maybe not ( I dont even like Custard apple) .
G) My friend and I have been discussing more about the importance of journaling and physical manifestation of energies in visual format. I have been colouring , doodling and writing as well as taking pictures of my culinary experiments .
I wish to take it up seriously though as an important habit to follow... I also wish to have the immediate print camera that clicks and prints or maybe invest in a coloured printer.
H) I have been listening to atleast one TedX lecture per day to get inspired and keep going as to what people are actually doing and are kicked about . About stories of triumph and hardships. I watch very less television and have stopped reading news since last three years and I believe I am in a much calmer space. I guess we confuse information overload with knowledge and choose the former over latter which I guess even Google can do for us.
I am kicked about acquiring wisdom through experience as a determined theme for the coming year.
I hope I live up to it.
I must sign off for now... Ciao...
- singing bird.

Day 2 - FB exile

It's said that men and women have varied responses to escapades of intimate gratification. Mutual union results in the release of hormones which are comforting for both however the responses triggered by them are startlingly different. While men are lulled back to sleep, post coital scene is all pepped up and fresh for women. Just like alcohol gets some humans all excited and blabbering while some prefer to keep it low and yet others go on a downward spiral. I was thinking about how various actions lead to different emotion centres lit up in our brain. And then there is writing. After finding 'time' in life and after long I wrote with a longing to put down my thoughts. The brewing started early in the morning as soon as I woke up to find nothing to click and log on to and no attention seeking notifications and no timeline to scroll. There were no Memories to revisit and re-share and no video line ups to play un-mindfully.
Without sounding too braggish I would love to state the peace that the non - pinging exuded. Suddenly I had almost nothing to do... So gymming too went smooth with zero distractions.
So did the routine chores around the house and at work in the evening while the class was on. After class when I was travelling back home , I didn't frantically click on the blue icon with a red mark , instead I listened to music , mind you just music without the reading and typing deviation. Just when I got home , nom-nomed on some food and settled on to bed, I was astonished to see that it's just 11 and I am not falling asleep in front of an eye hurting screen light with ongoing messenger ticks. This lured me to open up the blogger icon and type, and how? Peacefully.... Thoughts clear, process streamlined, nothing crowded. It was in one flow... And just when I finished publishing one I thought I am good to sleep. I thought I am clean and poured out. But I was pretty much drunk up on words... I couldn't get an eye shut. See, the Social networking impact doesn't fade in a day... My body is used to staying up if not physically , but psychologically late... So I wanted to type more , write more and blog more .... Cathartic , yes but I wasn't let it get addictive. I slept over it... Though tossing and turning in bed, I let it brew till morning. I must have slept at 2 am and to my utter surprise I was up at 6.20 am fresh and raring to go... I wonder why... But I chose not to think about it. Finding leisure to do what I want to do is new. I must have done music at that hour but I didn't. I stayed with my eyes shut, doing nothing... Yes I was sleep deprived but I was awake as well. It was beautiful to listen to morning sounds... the water pump starting ,   Water gushing through the pipes as our night Watchman washed the building cars, the birds chirping, the azan from a nearby masjid, the shankh from the Vigneshwar temple and the train on rails which never makes its presence felt now was faintly audible, an occasional vehicle sound and the sound of peace...
I am blessed to have seen this day in a different light. I hope to sail through the coming days and I hope to sustain this force every single day till the 23rd. No anticipation, no pressure. Taking it one moment at a time. Off to my Karmabhumi. Tata!

Day 1 - FB Exile

I have been given an ultimatum by my music mentor about getting my act right in singing and regaining my focus on practice triggered me to take a sudden step. Yes I call it sudden because I haven't been able to take a decision and stick to it for long in spite of doing it for umpteenth attempts. Yes, a self imposed FB exile for 17 days. In comparison to Prabhu Ramachandra this is  miniscule and insignificant, however there may be many reasons to it. Why? I had tried to uninstall FB a zillion times in order to discipline myself with respect to better utilisation of an exhaustable non renewable resource  TIME. I have failed miserably everytime I planned it or impulsively went off it...
Now however is a different story.
Let me tell you about my Mentor.
A. He hates to be called a mentor and at the same time leaves no stone unturned to prove that he is One.
B. His dreams aspirations and responsibilities are laden on my wings and he has been providing me with all the necessary air and the muscle power for me to fly
C. I have been a tough nut and an extremely difficult child who refuses to pull her act together. Not that I can't, just that I haven't for reasons even I don't know.
D. He has been lenient with me and has taken things patiently even at times when I have kind of pressed a few wrong buttons.
E. He can get mighty possessive about his intern and can retaliate brutally until the task is complete and music happens. He hates my incessant posts , display pics and statuses updating everything on social media. He is like HOW DOES IT MATTER? and I awkwardly shrug with an IDK. When finds me online, late and chatting away or on WhatsApp beyond midnight , he gets furious, asking me why am I not getting sleep, why am I wasting time. I just don't have answers to his questions.
F. He has no personal agenda over my success in music though he likes to believe that both our lives depend on it.
G. It's a do or die situation he says and He constantly reminds me of the movie Whiplash. While doing that he has threatened to abandon me the minute he sees me off focus.

The list can go on beyond Z and yet there will be many points uncovered. I sometimes love to hate him more than I hate to love him for what he has done to my thought process as an artist. He is a teacher and a kickass taskmaster. 
The way he has disintegrated my beliefs in fragments that degenerate over time into gravel n sand n dust till I feel like null into a clean slate required to start afresh, I guess I don't even have the slate now, its just a void and a beautiful one I guess. Inspiration yes, influences no... Not for a place where I stand right now....
The way he taught me to unwind, no one else could....
Unlearning was a huge challenge and I gave him sleepless nights with baggage and forces which weren't even mine in the first place.
He kept hammering the walls every single waking moment and even while I slept peacefully , thinking about how I could get better and make music.
I was a difficult child to him, I call myself a child because I needed to be treated like one.
I trusted easily and I still do which he thinks is a huge distraction.
He taught me to say No to many things - unprepared for recordings , non rehearsed shows, less payments and non musical propositions in other expressive mediums.
He burnt in anger when I decided to act in a commercial play two years back saying it would affect my voice.
I being the rebellious me took it up anyways.
But after that I kind of mellowed down and started taking him seriously.
He did and is doing all of this at a time when his personal life is in shatters, professional life crumbled and finances crushed.

 I think about it from my safe n sound home , family and cosy surroundings I feel how could I take a blessing such as this for granted.
When someone who's suffering, chooses to stand by me for my progress, how could I irresponsibly shun it off and not take it seriously ?
Least he wants and only thing he wants me is to Sing. It goes unsaid that I must sing well and for that I must practice and for that I need time and to find time I must manage my schedule well.
He hates that I spend hours in the gym which he feels isn't needed.
However personally it's something I can't give up since I believe Gym is my Karma bhumi.
Where I compete with myself every single day and love to emerge a winner. It's a different high and I am addicted to that feeling and won't bargain anything else for it. It's my inspiration point. I feel powerful and centred after I finish my workout. It gives me reassurance about the fire I have within and won't give it up for anything in the world.
So the sweet thing that he is gives me an option to get up early and practice my voice lessons before gymming or starting my day.
This has to happen after the social networking sabbatical however I intend to start soon.
I have been struggling with sleep for the longest time ever and I guess the loop will be cut off with early morning riyaz. This way I get tired early n go to bed before midnight.
And what has this day brought to me...
Peace... Breathing and slowing down...
Pace has been non frantic and calm. And I love this mode and hope that I keep basking in it more n more. So end of day Uno.
P.S. My mentor detests Thank you and Sorry.

So can say neither. I d rather show him in actions and I know that he is watching over like a hawk and will definitely read this blog as soon as it's posted. Hope he doesn't get mad. 

Signing off...
- Singing bird.

Chale ?

Agar kahi mein gum ho jaau , to dhund lena mujhe
Magar usi waqt vapis aa jaane ki jidd Na kar baithna
Baithkar uus gumnaam jagah pe bagal mein mere
Shayad tum samajh paoge ,
Ki kyun aati hoon mein yahaan baar baar lagataar...
Iss gumshudi ke kohre mein khoye hue mujhe tum laut laana jab mein taiyyar ho jaau...
Shayad tum Kuch thik samajh paoge mujhe tab
Jab hum eksaath gum hone nikle

Inhale...

BREATHE..... 

I love how places of worship create the perfect concoction of ambient comfort 

The temple... 

It's heady mix of flowers leaves , camphor, petals, dhoop , batti diyas, prashad, teerth laced with the tinkling sounds of bells and occassional arhythmic gong of the Ghanta

How could it ever go wrong???

A tad bit yes, if the mandir is of a celebrity idol like a Shirdi, Mahalaxmi or a Siddhivinayak and the lineage of superstar mega Gods

I always wanted to bottle this collective fragrance to take away with me for days when things go haywire to help recreate the feel good atmosphere...

I am intrigued at how I like the whiff of a fading diya until and after the moment it has completely extinguished , leading to a deep serious mellow fragrance...

Mind you its a different scent of a fading Oil lamp, ghee diya or a candle...

Wait and stand patiently until it blows off to witness the magic...

All three experiences uniquely alluring (at the cost of being labelled apshakuni mahila with weird fetishes like these)

I love the fizzy whiff a match exudes when it lights up.... ahhh... irreplaceable...

Had I been uneducated and unaware of the ecosystem, I d ignorantly light all matches of a match box smelling each burning match with equal awe...

The gas burner goes off on an occasionally windy day and folks run to the kitchen to extinguish it for safety... 

I wonder why men get down at the fuel stations and women sit back in the A/C ...

I on the other hand adore the heavy LPG, CNG, Diesel and other fuel smells...

Books? mmmmm.... can never get over the rustic old world vintage yielding smell of ancient hard covers with yellowing interiors, pages slowly breaking down with brown edges

And yes, I get a high while digging my nose right at the centre of a crisp new book copy, the fresh binding and karara texture....

Annnnnnd.... The whiff of the stud that works out beside me - irreplacable men's deo blended with testosteron... Killer!!!

I m a gym junkie myself, but one of the reasons to go to the gym, well of course are great smelling men with even greater bodies... win win situation!!! isn't it?

Our gym - house keeping mama has put up his cooking stove near our weight training area in a corner.

What a wicked tadka the man puts, oh boy... it is a punishment to keep pushing ourselves on the floor with his out of this world yummy dals khichadi and rassa's simmering a few feet away...

When he slow roasts his paranthas , you cringe while crunching your paunch in disbelief. 

How I d wish to offer him a cook's job in house!!! 

How can we forget the evergreen first shower of rains...

When rain makes love to earth to make it fertile and give birth...

I have got this one bottled though in the form of an Ittar called GIL.

Fresh Grass, dry grass, cut grass, lemon grass... well, any weed smells great! even the rockers would agree!!!

The old school favorites, Mogra,Chameli, Juhi, Raatrani, Rajnigandha...all the white flowers!

And  Soan champa's intense orgasmic fragrance, Genda phools festive whiff...

However, I dont like Roses of any kind. I feel they are tad bit over-rated...

I love the Jasmine oil and Ubtan smell of Diwali and the Browny, truty fruity, rum and Vanilla enfused Christmas and Khus entwined with Firdaus perfumed  Eid...

I love the way Hindu's serve their ghee laden banana sheera at satyanarayan puja's and the Muslim streets enlightened with out of this world smelling kebabs on the street corners, the dhabbas with authentic punjabi tadkas and the Thelas with divine jalebi's and malpuas... 

I hate spas that lure clients with Chocolate or coffee wraps, we might as well eat what we want and flaunt it on our faces and thighs instead of putting it on our skin... 

Secretly I ve tried both on skin at home.... it doesn't work... you end up licking yourself with shame...

The smell of first Hapus of the season... anyone???

The Sizzling browny after the yoko sizzlers???

The cheese that melts on top of nachos with salsa beside your seat in the theatre at the same day you have planned to eat clean???

The crispy deep fried chinese starters at a weekday wedding when it is NOT YOUR CHEAT EAT  DAY???

The unbelievable dollop of Ghee that is undisputedly laden on dal dhokli by your Gujju aunt??? 

These smells are eternally irreplacable...

You know what I like more.... the moment when a baby is unswaddled to check its diaper after a post bath nap....

The Johnson and Johnson with the dudh malai besan haldi on their tender skin..... Divine! 

I have always planned to have many babies just because I d like to smell them after their bath...

I know I am weird, don't give me those looks...

The Southern smells.... The pure mysore sandal soap , the chandan agarbattis , the rassam, sambhar, avial and the coconut oil banana chips with payasamn on a banana leaf.... 

I wanted to marry a mallu, a tam bram, a keralite, just for this.... Yes, yes roll your eyes!!!

The eau-de-cologne reminds me of cold strips of chilling water on my hot forehead while having fever... 

I have fond memories of falling ill, not because I am a sadist but because cologne smells lovely on a sick day!!! 

Talking of smells, pop corn and samosa aroma in theatre if nullified would never make the ambience set for watching a feature film...

The batata vadas in interval of a Marathi Natak are a must.... the garlicy eew to a few.... But thats how  Marathi Rangbhumi is set.... 

The whiff of butter franky at shivaji park and Paav bhaji at Canon, Sardar or Gypsy is world famous!!!

Going off food, people, I like Odonil cakes in wardrobes and napthaline balls in bathrooms too!

I love the phenyl, dettol , lizol, Glass cleaners and detergents, freshly washed moist clothes, squeakily crisp clean dried clothes, brand new linen... starched cottons, organic handlooms.... aaaaahhh....

The smell of ointment and balms... Vicks , Iodex, Amrutanjan, Zandu , Tiger... blissful!!!

The smell of Elizabeth Arden , 5 th Avenue , White Diamond perfume on women and CK Obsession and Davidoff on men.... ufff...

The smell of old spice or denim aftershave on my grandpa with a Brut spray on his shirt is a fond memory...

Smell of my nani's old saree turned into the softest rajai is a staple to sleep... 

The whiff of fresh minty breath and maybe musk on an approaching kiss is irresistable....

The smell of cuban cigar with live jazz playing on the background of a dusky campfire in an open grassland is a dream... 

Warm hands and a warmer hug on a chilling night under a star encrusted sky with foresty smell is a yearning....

The whiffs, the puffs, the aromas, the perfumes, the fragrances...

The way he tastes on my tongue resulting in a deep inhalation that can never be described in words, the entwine and intermingling is the best anticipation I've ever had...

An olfactory bliss...is this...

Kingdom across

For the first time ever

I tried to hold the ground

With my hands literally....

Lying flat on sand, mud, rocks and grass

Trying to get what I could

Seep, sink, absorb, nourish

All in my pores that kept it moist

Deep within....

The cool warmth reached

In waves of flourishing nurture

I felt the moment in my centre

Miniscule energy soared

Cells swollen, sprouting covered

Life made its presence felt

There was hope, movement, joy

There was some red and green on me

It takes time to happen I was told

I waited to see it unfold

I saw the rays that enveloped...

But suddenly there was storm....

Strong blow, whip, snap, flutter, flip

I was weakly held by my black mum

Her womb though able

I wasn't 

And then a blow flew me off her chest....

Right to a gutter of sluggish mute

I whispered with faint beats

The last trinkets of life within....

My call was heard...

His hand I saw...

He picked me up...

Held me close....

I was dim, damaged and lame

He dipped me in the fluid of purity

Washing clean my tarnished bod

Placed me in a cosy pot of brown...

Looked over me with gentle concern....

I layed... I just had to be...

Everything else was taken care of...

I rooted and shooted and sprouted and spruced...

He replanted me in open when I was strong...

I grew I budded, I branched, I rose...

I held high I bore flowers n fruit...

I gave shade, I fed, I was support

I felt better by the years....

I wanted to find out who he was...

Where he came from and about his role

His touch I still feel in the delicate inner core....

I shiver on windy nights

Not because I cannot sustain...

But imagining what it could have been...

How I wished that he was near...

and I knew that he was dear...

I longed to see him and to have him hug my bark

To make me feel at home again...

I keep searching for him in faces of all that pass

One by one, day by day...

I hope he revisits me on my last

To make the journey as memorable on the other side...

I wish him to be my final face...

I am blessed and so is he....

Till time comes when the giver the taker both become trees....

All this while I have'nt spoken a word

I have given my best and all

Accepted what nature readily gave me to thrive

I crave for just one thing....

Him....

I wish I could scream and yell out my wish to one and all...

No but we are'nt supposed to want 

We aren't supposed to say

I was happy giving anyway....

One day as I saw my roots cut to bring me down....

I wondered if I could ever see him again...

Finally I blushed in sorrow....

As I came to know....

They are taking me...

To cremate his lifeless body...

As we both Ignited in flames

Burning together our physical last

I saw his light way above

With open arms and a wonderful heart...

My light rose high and met him there

There was a union of sorts in the air....

The fused energy reached a level of vibe

Where we were welcomed by our tribe

It was where we were told a tale

From then onwards I ve never felt frail

Now we were one me and he

And this is the what they call

'Being free'....

‪#‎InBetweenTheLines‬

- Prajakta Sathe

Starved

Petals and bullets

whipped icing of Harp 

pretending to know the works by heart

club sandwich of him her and it

Love and longing shredded to bits

Some like their sandwiches open 

A few cut them through 

Others dip them in mayoexpect drab

In hunger they searched 

Found frantic tadka in bags 

Swords on plates which were

Found and never lost 

By night there was air in the whiffs

Of fried meat flung across the cliffs

Famished hawks jumping over the waste

Urge in wings lust in taste

He and she holding on to it's now

Dancing their way to the final bow

Three shots one hit 

Nothing crashed 

Two missed bullets

Rolling down the slope 

Landing in plates 

Of Duds with hope 

Yes love makes noise 

No it isn't immune to death 

By dawn we will be swollen and raw 

Cooking the imagine on mellow Simmer and stir with our paw

We will cuss, shudder while pounding the grain

Aborting the outstation 

Off the kissing train 

- Prajakta Sathe.

Quad

They got a chance much early in life

to experience the forbidden rare

He and him though detached 

Making most of the equation in dare 

Laying Silently on bed that night

He recalled the moment and blushed

The noon after 

His him used it as an inspiration 

To muffle up the courage 

To ask his crush out that night

Spring festival

The wasp chooses a new flower
Unbreeding polygamy

- Prajakta Sathe.

Rein-dear

Christmas eve

fairy lights

snowflakes on my ice lollies

Numb tongue with cheerful hue

Spring in the step with my giggling crew

Polka ribbons and girly dresses

Hands in hands and careless tresses

A boy, an uncle , a man , a stranger

Walking past us with an unobtrusive gait 

One stop and we turn around 

To see them watch us like a bait

What happened? we thought...

why us? why now?

What's different, What's new?

We asked ourselves as the dusk birds flew

And then she squeezed my hand with fright

Her eyes drawing down to the sight

Two spots ; a bright and a faded dark 

Blotted beneath to stay and stark

Shock, disbelief, confusion, fear

Covering walking clenching till our house came near

Last mile and we run like galloping dames

Panting and ranting to motherly claims

Cleaned and shielded and dressed anew 

How I wish that night if our childhood knew

That innocence percolated 

Through layers of shammy cotton 

Draining my babyness to seep and rotten

Dropping freedom and childlike gaze 

Into whims moods and a stripling phase

Wonderment, fearlessness, spontaneity all dropped

Anxious zits cryfully popped 

Curves and hair and a thumpounding heart 

Fashion mags, clearasil and tampons in cart 

Teasing and crushes and boys that stare 

Asking out , dates and a kiss that was rare

Making a lady out of a girl that was me

This was how the little one managed to flee

Now Santa was a man 

I d never sit on his lap 

Looking at his carriage

In my nervous juvenile gift wrap

- Prajakta Sathe.

Gasp

Over the extremes 

When I fancy the dark , the darker 

And the not so dark

The night crumbles like hot vanilla cookies straight out of the oven of

sensuous cravings

The night invites me

To embed my mouth in its arms 

To hold my breath till I can no longer sustain

Smelling the musk drops in its pit 

Laying still as it engorges me with its vibes 

And we begin to resonate in the sorbet of crushed ice of feelings 

That soothe and sting into a comforting null 

I and it meld into the fading black 

The loop is on

Rivets continue to pound the marks of relish with precision 

The pain satisfies the union 

It's face keeps changing with the myriad of a howling pack 

Surge creates patterns in wilderness

Outs applaud 

Some outs aspire to bask 

Some refuse to be uprooted 

Others run off 

I stay put 

Enjoying the layers of pseudo bubble popping 

In broad daylight

- Prajakta Sathe

Kathak Symposium synopsis and Afterthoughts.

21st September 2016 was spent at the breathtakingly lush green campus of IIT Powai where one of its kind Kathak Symposium was organised by a senior Kathak Exponent and my gurubhagini Smt. Ranjana Phadke. I was accompanied to this by one of my Senior Kathak Graduation Student. As we entered the venue we were presented with a very warm welcome by the traditionally saree clad volunteer girls and Dressed dapper in Kurta Boys. A huge Sanskaar bharati Rangoli adorned the Auditorium Gate. As we confirmed our registerations, we were welcomed in for a scrumptious south Indian steaming hot Breakfast and Tea Coffee. Post that we ventured into the Auditorium , it was decked up with fresh flowers near the podium with a serene Natraj statue stood enthralling everyones attention. The seats were first come first served basis however the digniteries occupied front few rows. The seating arrangement of this place is incredibly well formed and the stage is easily visible from anywhere from within.

The symposium started with a tribute to the greatest Kathak Legends 

Madam Menaka

Dr. Damayanti Joshi

Guru Roshan Kumariji

Guru Madhurita Sarangji

Guru Sitara Deviji 

Pt, Natraj Gopikrishnaji

Pandita Rohini Bhateji 

Guru Ashatai Joglekarji

The very first session started with a unique combination of speakers on stage.

Four Kathak Gurus representing their respective Kathak gharanas

Guru Ganesh Hiralalji - Jaipur Gharana

Guru Sunaina Hazarilalji - Benaras Gharana

Guru Uma Dograji - Lucknow Gharana

Dr, Rajkumar Ketkar - Padmashree Natraj Gopikrishna Nrutyashaili

Inviting and  collaborating such a dynamic combination on stage was a rarity and equally a risk. However as great as their names, the conversation was on a very cordial level where each Guru shared his or her experience without intruding on each others space. 

Guru Ganesh Hiralalji has crossed 90 , but his sense of humor and his readiness to accept new concepts theories and respecting other gharanas and Gurus is incredible. He explained in detail as to what kind of Impact a Solo performance has on the audience of thousands. One look and an adakari results in hypnotizing a full stadium full of spectators and Rasiks. 

Guru Ganesh Hiralalji mentioned his journey from Delhi to Calcutta and finally Mumbai, he also mentioned the routine of Training, Riyaz and Teaching in his times. He mentioned the emergence of very first schools of Dance back in that Era which were Triveni School, Damayanti Joshiji's school, Mathur Bhatia School, Rama Rao school and many more. He mentioned the impact of Pt. Durgalalji and Pt. Sunderprasadji on the progress of Jaipur Gharana. 

Dr. Sunaina Hazarilalji spoke about her journey in Kathak and about how it has changed from times back then and now... She believes that it has indeed changed immensely. She found the use of Hindi, Bhojpuri, Mithili, Brij and Sanskrit in Kathak very unique and easier to adapt. 

She commented on how technology has made it easier, students take snapshots of todas n tukdas, shoot composition padhants and choreography and take away back home... Today maybe dancers need contacts to come ahead, she expressed her concerns. Kathak was primarily a solo dance then how has it turned into a group dance? she asked. She also raised her doubts about the capacity of a group to tell a story as effectively as a solo performer. Dr. Sunaina ji was upset about the preference that group dancers get over solo dancers and also stated that the Lyrical beauty in it has disappeared due to dance happening on pakhavaj and tabla bols instead of Natvari and Nrityangi Bols. Taal compositions have to be made according to its 'aang' where in the intonation, accents, recitation have to be carefully rendered by the artist which seldom happens. The performance has come down to about 30 mins with just about 7-8 mins given to abhinaya ang which is something which isnt taking the essence of kathak ahead. She stated the importance of attending live performances more often and underlined the fact that the Dancer is never bigger than the dance form and the character should overtake the dancers personality.

A new trend of participation fees for a Kathak performance and show has been prevalent. Students graduate in a matter of less than a decade and start teaching right away. Is this going to pose a threat to creating a new set of less competent non tayyar dancers? One of the very first and common questions that a parent or a student who is about to join a kathak class is "when would the first show be?" This lead to a hilarious uproar among the artist audience.

 Benaras gharana was initially also known as the Janakiprasad Gharana. Tales of compositions been given among the families of Kathakaars in Dowry are still prevalent. Janakiprasad initially from Bikaner was coaxed by the Queen to travel to Benaras where he was told that his art would flourish, The beauty of Natvari Bols where Ghungroos are considered as the pure percussion creator and bols like 'Ta Thai/ Dig Dig/ Tharr' are used and not Tabla inspired bols. Use of exclusive Natvari bols is a forte of Benaras Gharana.

Dance existed even before Krishna and Shiva, so why the Gharanas have been brought up? Artists must think about just progression of their Art and nothing more. The topic about Kathak Kendra came up and memories about Acchan Maharajji, Reba Vidyarthiji, Pt. Birju Maharajji, Kundanlalji came up by Uma Dograji. She fondly recollects the fact that Pt. Durgalalji asked her to take the permission of her earlier Guru Pt. Birju Maharajji before she joined him. In those days it was mandatory to learn either pakhawaj or tabla, Harmonium/Vocal and Yoga when any student joined to learn Kathak. Rebaji and Umaji then performed in many productions of Kathak Kendra like Kumar Sambhav, Malati Madhav etc.

Umaji used to practice along with other disciples of Durgalalji from 9 am to 2 pm and then again from 4.00 pm to 7.30 pm every day. She also shared a memory where she along with her classmates from Kathak Kendra started their Riyaz early in the morning and Guru Durgalalji forgot about them and suddenly remembered at 4.30 about them. He was so touched by their dedication that he took all of them to eat out. The students were asked to practice in a room filled up with sand on Sundays. She emotionally shared precious details as to what all her Guru taught her beyond Kathak, cooking, Ironing, Stitching. He also taught her Padhant in a form which rarely is taught now a days 'the emphasis on the terks, the force, the chalan , the chand'

Dr. Rajkumar Ketkar shared his journey with his Guru Padmashri Natraj Gopi Krishnaji. Sukhadev Maharajji  has described almost 1600 Nayikas. Ketkarji emphasised on the importance of Laya Taal and Sur on the foundation so as to create Tikaav and patience in the carving of an artist.

We dispersed for a satiating Lunch at around 1.45 p.m. and resumed the second session by 2.20 p.m. Noon session was conducted alongwith Paulami Mukerjiji, Jayantimalaji, Mauli Dasji and Keka Sinhaji.

Jayantimalaji recollected the tug of war between Sukhdevmaharajji

(tabla maestro), Alaknandaji (Gopikrishnaji's mother) and Sitaradeviji (her mother) in the same family as to how to make little Jayantiji dance Kathak in a particular way. All stalwards in Kathak and seasoned performers, Jayantimalaji was blessed to be born in an artistic family. Her father stayed in an Artist colony in Benaras however he was force shifted by the Britishers to a place called 'Godalia' right in the middle of a market. He started a school called 'Radha Krishna Vidyalaya' there. At that time only men used to dance, however he taught his Daughters too. So the Britishers came to test. Hence Chaube Maharajji and Pade Maharajji accompanied the three daughters Tara Sitara and Alaknanda on instruments and padhant, Curtains were made of the household textiles and the sibling trio performed Kaliya Mardan , Draupadi Cheerharan and also performed Mahabharat on Shadow play. The DIG was mighty impressed with the performance and was rest assured that what was practiced in the house was pure art and nothing beyond that.

Then they travelled to Calcutta and Rabindranath Tagore saw young Sitaradeviji perform for a function at Shimla House. He was so mesemerised with her art that he bestowed her with the title 'Kathak Samradnyee' Sukhadev Maharajji's cousins Acchan maharaj (laay specialist), Lacchu Maharaj (Bhaav specialist) and Shambhu Maharaj (Performer) all taught Sitaradeviji. Her much acclaimed Snake Dance from the film Anjali was showcased in the session. Jayantimalaji is the 9th generation of Kathak performers in Benaras Gharana, the 10 th generation taken forward by Vishal Krishnaji. She calls her's a 'sangeetadnya family'. We then saw a few curated pieces of work by Sitaradeviji specially the 'Snake Dance' from the film 'Anjali'.

Then Renu Sharmaji spoke about Lucknow Gharana right from the time of Acchan Maharaj and Vikramsinghji along with the momories of 'chandrawali ballet'. She got nostalgic about her time in the Hostel where the time slots were peacefully shared by her contemporaries for the Riyaz Room sharing. She stated that once the piece is taught the Guru's duty is done with, then the responsibilitey lies over the shoulders and feet and body and hands and soul of the student 'jab tak wo rag rag mein samakar jehen mein na utar jaaye'. She suggested students to become 'mediums - maadhyams'

Mauli Das ji then took over the microphone sharing her memories by her Guru Damayanti Joshiji. 

There were three Dancers in those times that were at the headfront Damayantiji (Disciple of Shambhu Maharajji) , Bela Arnab (Disciple of Lacchu Maharajji) , Maya Chatterjee (Lucknow Gharana). Damayanti Joshi ji was a performer but not a teacher. She taught how to learn through observation via the steps 'Najar dekhna, Seekhna, Parakhna' apart from the Teachnique. She (Damayantiji) was a performer who could elaborate and perform 'Thaat' for 45 mins straight. 

Next Keka Sinhaji communicated with the audience about the Legacy of Shambhu Maharajji who was instrumental in shaping some phenomenal artists like Parimal Krishna ji (Disciple of Ram Gopal Krishna ji) her first Guru, Reba Vidyarthiji her second Guru and Vandanaji her third Guru, She spoke about the importance of allignment in Dance where the dancer may be asked at any point to stop dancing and freeze, the resulting stance MUST be visually aesthetic, she also spoke about the importance of filling in the gaps between two 'Bols'. 

The panel discussed about an incredible artist that Late Bireshwar Gautam was, trained under Damayantiji and Gopiji and how he was known for intricately utilising the time between two beats. About how the neck and the spine moved like a 'dori' inan utmost delicate pattern laced with an even subtle beauty of 'kasak- masak'. The importance of 'riyaz' was also explained by Jayantimalaji with examples of three Gurus Tara mausi , Sitara amma and Chaube maharaj in her own home humourously creating a chaos of sweet confusion of influences at her young age, They also agreed upon how the community can stand up for each other strongly resolving the differences between them for the ultimate good of the art that Kathak is. 

 Paulami Mukerjee's founder and faculty of Bharata College Of Performing Arts gave a presentation on Kathak NrityaDarpana was short crisp, however I wanted to hear more and the time ran fast when we had to take a break for Lunch. Her words still ring in my mind about how anyone who teaches us even for a day becomes our father for a lifetime. 

The Lunch was piping hot, tasty and in a conveniently open spaced setting where we could intermingle and talk around with fellow participants and have sharing of sorts. Lunch time dragged a bit allowing us to go through a book exhibit near the stage arranged for participant viewing. 

Post Lunch session started on a high energy note hosted by younger artists hosted by Aditi Bhagwat who interacted with Sanjukta Wagh, Ayan Baneerjee and Sunil Sunkara.

 Sanjukta (disciple of Rajeshree Shirkeji) spoke about the permutation and combination of Form and Approach. She gave example of how poems of a few artists were performed on varient Jaatis in Kathak. She spoke about working across forms through Dance , Literature, Music, Art by the artists in an Interdisciplinary approach in a higher perspective of performing arts context Kathak as a strong medium with a capacity to become a language, She also elaborated on the concept of having the classical form interpreted in a contemporary approach and vice versa. She used the term having your roots in your mother dance form and yet being comfortable in the no man's land when it circulates in and out of your system. Kathak being assimillative of Kathakaars, Nazakat of Darbar Tradition , Influences Of Ballet and yet come forth as having its strong unique individuality. 

There was a quick informative sessions where Nutan Patwardhanji and Sheetal Kapole read out their writeups about Examinations and Evaluation in Kathak. Preeti Valunjkar, Nalini Bhavsar and Jonaki Raghavan then engaged in a talk with Medha Diwekar about Career options in Kathak. This was followed by a quick brush through module on Lights Music and Makeup by Puja Pant, Smriti Talpadeji and Richa Shrivastav. Dr. Tina Tambe, Rajeshri Shirke and Varada Pandit spoke about research in this field. A quick vote of thanks and photographs marked the end of this fabulous day, 

The essence of this Symposium in my understanding would be that Dance is what? It is a spectacle, it entertains, it communicates, it Transforms, its a play of sound and space, it is action , it is meditative , it is self indulgent , it is a Dream, it is Breath. Making dance a burden or a buddy is in our hands, it is a craft and everything is technique ; however how you use it and where makes become a narrative. More power to you Ranjana tai and team.

Having said that I would conclude this article by saying As a practitioner , performer, dancer, artist and a teacher of Kathak I would say that it won't matter how you move however it is pretty damn interesting to know WHAT moves you? Amen to that. 

- Prajakta Sathe.