Day 15 - FB exile

I was immensely sleepy but woke up with a teeth grinding sound. Kanha cub's first milk tooth is about to fall off and hence the sound. It was spookily un-nerving. I felt guilty of having spanked him for throwing off a morsel of food from my hand. His tantrums and my temper will need more management henceforth. I must bring more ease and less technology around myself when he is around. I have realised that I ignore him if I am talking to someone over the phone or chatting on whatsapp. I must reduce and start focussing on one thing at a time. Why do I do the circus of feeding him while typing when the T.v. is also on. No need to multitask - note to self.
I lost my temper at mom for a domestic matter.
The reason was a coagulation of frustration because my trustworthy kitchen manager is leaving for good. For a job near to her. What upset me that in spite of paying her 10k for 3 hours of work , she isn't ready to stay back. I wonder if I can even retain her with 12k since she told me her expectations are 15k. For 3 hours of cooking and kitchen management is ridiculous. But it's a matter of habituation trust and confort. If I go to calculate 500 per day comes roughly upto say Rs.140 per hour of labor which is okay and I must see the big picture.
If I can spend 12k on my hair treatment at B blunt or use a 1700 worth Body splash from Body shop or use a 1600 cream from forest essentials and also spend 800 per hour on Kanha's therapy plus pay close to 60k per month for his education then why do I think twice or thrice about a few thousands per month to a  maid. Mind knows , heart doesn't agree. Everybody tells me that I can maybe get 3 maids in 15k rather or a full time one in 12k. I must decide and take plunge if need be.
It's like my whole world depends on it... Like, really? Lol... Hell no.... Who knows, I might really turn out to be India's answer to No ;)
I haven't wished Mom and Dad on their 35th year wedding anniversary. I am stating facts without attaching feelings to it. One may choose to say certain things or note down for reference , rememberence or pure documentation. There are no positive or negative feelings attached to the above fact.
I spoke to a few close friends over the phone about Music , life, philosophy and general What's up in each others life.
Also received the delivery of a fresh batch of zingy sauces and fiery wok mixes for impromptu cooking. I rearranged my herb basket and refilled the fresh produce
Yesterday was iceberg lettuce olives tomato onion with sweet chilli and siriacha dressing
With Broccoli tomato beet soup.
Today was Cottage cheese, olives , basil, sultanas , tomato onion , dry oregano and peri peri with English mustard dressing With Oyster mushroom and spinach soup.
Winter is getting exciting food wise.
New experiments await. I love the happenings in the kitchen at the same time I am nervous about the cook. God save me and remove me from this misery. Like Dear AD says, it's the monkey in the head that's miserable, not you. I must learn I must grow for good. It's almost 2 am and I am typing away in half sleep. I must also mention about some videos that I watched on YouTube. They were about Teens turning into parents, about cosmetic surgery and look manipulation , augmentation of body and enhancement of features gone from right to left extremes.
I also saw videos about Transgender world where I watched the interview of Buck angel a transgender pornstar, born a woman turned into a man with a vagina.
Gosh! no one would believe he has a female sex organ , he looks that manly. Balian buschman originally a woman athlete operated to be a man and now celebrity transgender reformer and speaker has had the penile implant.
Men looking better than what men could ever possibly look and over whom any woman would fall for...
Born as a woman!!! Why?
Why would they choose this for themselves in their blueprint ?
What are their lessons?
What experience do they seek
Such hot hot guys...I read something interesting in an article...It says that we are reborn many times...Often of the same gender.   Then when it's time to change genders, we are born for three or four births as transgenders or homosexuals as we get used to Opposite gender....
And it says that therefore at any given time on earth 5 to 10 percent people are gay or Transgender or lesbians ...As they slowly get used to changing sex.  And are always misunderstood and condemned by the rest of the world.
It really opened my eyes to the existence of these people.
Also realising that one day in some life we too will be them.
Having said that I feel completely focused and confident of my feminine side and wouldn't want it any other way than being a woman atleast in this lifetime. Well for next, I trust my higher self to take the right decision. Signing off...
Curious bird.