Day 4 - FB exile

I watched Dear Zindagi a week back. And I realised what a stressful childhood can do to one's adult life. I also realised my own childhood which was torn apart between two homes of parents and grandparents. About how I could hold ground to none of these houses and had nothing to be called a home. The primary reason why I married very early in life was because I wanted to settle down , for the first and the very final time. Little did I realise that there are many settling and unsettling phases in life and what happens between them is growth. Well, if we take it that way. The reason why I am deliberately letting my mind ponder over past because I don't visit there often (which is great by the way) however in this journey of finding time it's natural to go back and revisit the bygones. I have developed a wonderful habit of watching atleast one TEDx talk everyday. I find them extremely thought provoking, knowledgeable, uplifting in many ways and inspiring too. They talked about how bring loved unconditionally and profoundly in childhood leads to the development of strong immunity towards stress induced repercussions. The loved kids have a natural tendency to remain more calm and relaxed than the rest. That's not rocket science at all, but it's strange why I didn't think about this logically . I guess parenting sometimes is heavily laced with serious philosophy that we have seldom forgotten to bloody enjoy being parents. To find happiness in being around our babies. At the same time I came across a workshop review of a dear friend who worked on an important principle of Non-violent or compassionate communication developed by Marshall Rosenberg in the early 1960s.
I recollected as to how I wasn't deeply heard with full concentration by my parents and that need lied unfulfilled till now.
And I was doing the same mistake with my child. I overlooked what he said. I wasn't listening. I was habituated to hearing. I wasn't responding, I was just reacting (again an episode repeat) but the loop had to stop. I need to unlearn and start listening and responding to what Kanha says. I need to focus on the feel world. Be more gentle whenever I can and create tons of FOND memories for us. I need to balance the game of NEED and STRATEGY without confusing the two to be one.
I started by slowly removing stressors. Eg. He hates to drink milk or flavoured milk that our tradition teaches us to make kids have before school. I tried a glass. Then reduced it to half. And then to no milk because he cried every morning. Why don't kids have a choice of what to have. I am going to try cornflakes with nuts or maybe a fruit or dates if they work but for the time being it's nothing.
He likes to sleep after he bathes in the morning. I try n get him ready 10 mins early so that he gets his blanket time.
If we can work things around a bit why not?
We do that for our friends n coworkers don't we? Then why not for our children?
Earlier I had decided the eating schedule as to when to eat what. Now I ask him, if he wants rice n dal or roti subzi or fruit or a snack.
He tells me and I do the needful .
Why can't he decide what he wants? And I have stopped shoveling food in his mouth. I stop the minute he says he is full and I believe him when he says he is not hungry and doesn't want any food at all.
I found joy in embracing my motherhood by respecting him and enjoying his presence without entangling myself in chores. The more I think about it the better I get going through as days pass.
Same things apply to humans whom I love being around. Deep compassionate ear and genuinely honest conversation where expression is made as if one talks to oneself is cherished.
I now know who I d like to spend time and thankfully I come to know about it soon. Being kind towards myself had reflected in my relations with others. I value meeting people and spending one on one more than mindless random activities. They also have importance at times and are desperately needed. But this... The one on one, the awareness, the empathy towards self and other is utmost important. Respecting feelings and not loading expectations is a sure way key to happiness. I may sound philosophical because that's what I actually feel right now.
Today was all about my Son.
And I am glad I found some amazing things within. It's a new day already...
Signing off.
- Singing bird