I have been given an ultimatum by my music mentor about getting my act right in singing and regaining my focus on practice triggered me to take a sudden step. Yes I call it sudden because I haven't been able to take a decision and stick to it for long in spite of doing it for umpteenth attempts. Yes, a self imposed FB exile for 17 days. In comparison to Prabhu Ramachandra this is miniscule and insignificant, however there may be many reasons to it. Why? I had tried to uninstall FB a zillion times in order to discipline myself with respect to better utilisation of an exhaustable non renewable resource TIME. I have failed miserably everytime I planned it or impulsively went off it...
Now however is a different story.
Let me tell you about my Mentor.
A. He hates to be called a mentor and at the same time leaves no stone unturned to prove that he is One.
B. His dreams aspirations and responsibilities are laden on my wings and he has been providing me with all the necessary air and the muscle power for me to fly
C. I have been a tough nut and an extremely difficult child who refuses to pull her act together. Not that I can't, just that I haven't for reasons even I don't know.
D. He has been lenient with me and has taken things patiently even at times when I have kind of pressed a few wrong buttons.
E. He can get mighty possessive about his intern and can retaliate brutally until the task is complete and music happens. He hates my incessant posts , display pics and statuses updating everything on social media. He is like HOW DOES IT MATTER? and I awkwardly shrug with an IDK. When finds me online, late and chatting away or on WhatsApp beyond midnight , he gets furious, asking me why am I not getting sleep, why am I wasting time. I just don't have answers to his questions.
F. He has no personal agenda over my success in music though he likes to believe that both our lives depend on it.
G. It's a do or die situation he says and He constantly reminds me of the movie Whiplash. While doing that he has threatened to abandon me the minute he sees me off focus.
Now however is a different story.
Let me tell you about my Mentor.
A. He hates to be called a mentor and at the same time leaves no stone unturned to prove that he is One.
B. His dreams aspirations and responsibilities are laden on my wings and he has been providing me with all the necessary air and the muscle power for me to fly
C. I have been a tough nut and an extremely difficult child who refuses to pull her act together. Not that I can't, just that I haven't for reasons even I don't know.
D. He has been lenient with me and has taken things patiently even at times when I have kind of pressed a few wrong buttons.
E. He can get mighty possessive about his intern and can retaliate brutally until the task is complete and music happens. He hates my incessant posts , display pics and statuses updating everything on social media. He is like HOW DOES IT MATTER? and I awkwardly shrug with an IDK. When finds me online, late and chatting away or on WhatsApp beyond midnight , he gets furious, asking me why am I not getting sleep, why am I wasting time. I just don't have answers to his questions.
F. He has no personal agenda over my success in music though he likes to believe that both our lives depend on it.
G. It's a do or die situation he says and He constantly reminds me of the movie Whiplash. While doing that he has threatened to abandon me the minute he sees me off focus.
The list can go on beyond Z and yet there will be many points uncovered. I sometimes love to hate him more than I hate to love him for what he has done to my thought process as an artist. He is a teacher and a kickass taskmaster.
The way he has disintegrated my beliefs in fragments that degenerate over time into gravel n sand n dust till I feel like null into a clean slate required to start afresh, I guess I don't even have the slate now, its just a void and a beautiful one I guess. Inspiration yes, influences no... Not for a place where I stand right now....
The way he taught me to unwind, no one else could....
Unlearning was a huge challenge and I gave him sleepless nights with baggage and forces which weren't even mine in the first place.
He kept hammering the walls every single waking moment and even while I slept peacefully , thinking about how I could get better and make music.
I was a difficult child to him, I call myself a child because I needed to be treated like one.
I trusted easily and I still do which he thinks is a huge distraction.
He taught me to say No to many things - unprepared for recordings , non rehearsed shows, less payments and non musical propositions in other expressive mediums.
He burnt in anger when I decided to act in a commercial play two years back saying it would affect my voice.
I being the rebellious me took it up anyways.
But after that I kind of mellowed down and started taking him seriously.
He did and is doing all of this at a time when his personal life is in shatters, professional life crumbled and finances crushed.
The way he has disintegrated my beliefs in fragments that degenerate over time into gravel n sand n dust till I feel like null into a clean slate required to start afresh, I guess I don't even have the slate now, its just a void and a beautiful one I guess. Inspiration yes, influences no... Not for a place where I stand right now....
The way he taught me to unwind, no one else could....
Unlearning was a huge challenge and I gave him sleepless nights with baggage and forces which weren't even mine in the first place.
He kept hammering the walls every single waking moment and even while I slept peacefully , thinking about how I could get better and make music.
I was a difficult child to him, I call myself a child because I needed to be treated like one.
I trusted easily and I still do which he thinks is a huge distraction.
He taught me to say No to many things - unprepared for recordings , non rehearsed shows, less payments and non musical propositions in other expressive mediums.
He burnt in anger when I decided to act in a commercial play two years back saying it would affect my voice.
I being the rebellious me took it up anyways.
But after that I kind of mellowed down and started taking him seriously.
He did and is doing all of this at a time when his personal life is in shatters, professional life crumbled and finances crushed.
I think about it from my safe n sound home , family and cosy surroundings I feel how could I take a blessing such as this for granted.
When someone who's suffering, chooses to stand by me for my progress, how could I irresponsibly shun it off and not take it seriously ?
Least he wants and only thing he wants me is to Sing. It goes unsaid that I must sing well and for that I must practice and for that I need time and to find time I must manage my schedule well.
He hates that I spend hours in the gym which he feels isn't needed.
However personally it's something I can't give up since I believe Gym is my Karma bhumi.
Where I compete with myself every single day and love to emerge a winner. It's a different high and I am addicted to that feeling and won't bargain anything else for it. It's my inspiration point. I feel powerful and centred after I finish my workout. It gives me reassurance about the fire I have within and won't give it up for anything in the world.
So the sweet thing that he is gives me an option to get up early and practice my voice lessons before gymming or starting my day.
This has to happen after the social networking sabbatical however I intend to start soon.
I have been struggling with sleep for the longest time ever and I guess the loop will be cut off with early morning riyaz. This way I get tired early n go to bed before midnight.
And what has this day brought to me...
Peace... Breathing and slowing down...
Pace has been non frantic and calm. And I love this mode and hope that I keep basking in it more n more. So end of day Uno.
P.S. My mentor detests Thank you and Sorry.
When someone who's suffering, chooses to stand by me for my progress, how could I irresponsibly shun it off and not take it seriously ?
Least he wants and only thing he wants me is to Sing. It goes unsaid that I must sing well and for that I must practice and for that I need time and to find time I must manage my schedule well.
He hates that I spend hours in the gym which he feels isn't needed.
However personally it's something I can't give up since I believe Gym is my Karma bhumi.
Where I compete with myself every single day and love to emerge a winner. It's a different high and I am addicted to that feeling and won't bargain anything else for it. It's my inspiration point. I feel powerful and centred after I finish my workout. It gives me reassurance about the fire I have within and won't give it up for anything in the world.
So the sweet thing that he is gives me an option to get up early and practice my voice lessons before gymming or starting my day.
This has to happen after the social networking sabbatical however I intend to start soon.
I have been struggling with sleep for the longest time ever and I guess the loop will be cut off with early morning riyaz. This way I get tired early n go to bed before midnight.
And what has this day brought to me...
Peace... Breathing and slowing down...
Pace has been non frantic and calm. And I love this mode and hope that I keep basking in it more n more. So end of day Uno.
P.S. My mentor detests Thank you and Sorry.
So can say neither. I d rather show him in actions and I know that he is watching over like a hawk and will definitely read this blog as soon as it's posted. Hope he doesn't get mad.
Signing off...- Singing bird.
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