Mahesh was a gem of a person who had a perfect balance of being sensible as we as sensitive to all the triggers in life...
He wasn't genetically well endowed, he wasn't someone who could be placed in good looking category least an average looking face....
He maintained good interpersonal relationships with almost everyone around him...
His parents were proud to have him as their son while his extended family and relatives found support in him in times of challenge and joy in sharing happiness with him in moments of celebration...
His friends and colleagues counted on him as someone they could open up to and rely upon at any given hour...
Mahesh, a peoples person was also diligent in work and practiced sincere work ethics...
He was everybody's favorite...
He got married to Swati when he felt the need of settling down...
It was an arranged marriage...
Swati was the youngest of four siblings at her maternal home...
Born and brought up in a conservative household , her maiden family had always been extra protective and possessive about her as their youngest daughter...
Her parents were not as financially well off as her in laws....
She was a free spirited girl with suppressed desires and oppressed expressions...
The marriage was a grand affair since Mahesh's parents wanted to invite everybody they knew to the wedding of their only son....
They opted to pay major expenditure of this marriage since they knew the monetary challenge at Swati's maiden home...
Post marriage Mahesh knew he had to take it slow since he knew the background from where Swati came from...
Swati surprised him by telling him about her total lack of knowledge about what a husband and wife relationship is all about...
Neither did she know about basics of procreation nor did she know about the significance of man woman relationship and emotional bonding which ideally would result in intimacy...
Mahesh digested the fact and gave her some books about facts of married life...
He tried talking it out with her...
Swati either shunned the topic or avoided him...
Otherwise she was loving the new found freedom in her in laws house...
She could go out with her friends over weekends, enjoy with them at the movies hang around after office hours and also attend overnight picnics....
She was never stopped about anything since Mahesh's parents likewise believed in personal space and individual freedom...
Swati was neither forced to help around in the house nor was she ever questioned about her newly acquired dressing pattern....
She graduated from Indian wear and salwar suits from her pre marriage days to jeans n tops and trendy dresses, jumpsuits and mini's post marriage...
With the kind of leeway that she got she took more out of the marriage than she could put in...
Not cooperating with Mahesh on the interaction and intimacy front she also refused to accompany him for fun date nights, weekend getaways and outings...
Mahesh's dreams of having a contended married life were challenged big time...
He asked Swati if they could go and see a counselor...
She refused downrightly saying that there was no need for a third person to tell them how they should behave with each other...
Mahesh made solitary visits to psychologists, counselors and sexologists to check if anything was wrong with him...
He received one answer from all...they needed to talk with his wife too...
Mahesh being the gentle and caring person that he was asked Swati to visit her nearest married friends , cousins and talk out her issues with them to counter check of things were different with them...
Bevause he knew she would never visit a clinic with him ever...
A year and a half into marriage... Neither they were emotionally close and nor had they physically consummated the relation....
Mahesh failed to understand the equation of why Swati refused to even let him touch her ever or even hold hands with him....
Finally he told her with a heavy heart that they should take a break, Swati should go back to her parents for a month and see if she missed him...
In the one month that they separated Mahesh felt terrible while Swati craved for the comfort and freedom of her in laws home.
Back with Mahesh her non cooperation arid behavior continued...
Mahesh tried his best to connect but finally took a call...
He called both the families together, made them sit and declared that he wanted to seek a divorce...
The meet turned rude and filthy from Swati's side...
She made false allegations and demanded alimony...
Mahesh made her sit down and explained it to her that mutual consent has to be a best way out....
Reluctantly she agreed to it...
They got a divorce within 8 months of filing....
Mahesh asked himself many questions....
If he had made a wrong choice or had he ruined the life of Swati along with him....
He was shattered and upset and hurt...
He tried to reason as to why something so unfortunate would happen to him...
But slowly he decided to come out of it...
The only way was keeping busy...
He asked himself what all he wanted to do really...
He joined a dance class since he was find of dancing since childhood
He started jogging and took professional help for his diet plan...
He joined entrepreneur classes meant for prospective proprietors...
He also attended self help seminars and did courses in healing....
He reconnected with his old pals...
Went on to join the spiritual club that he found solace in...
He started living life to its fullest....
Job was going excellent and his family was super cooperative....
Yes he wanted company
Yes he wanted to settle down
Yes he wanted to start a family
Yes he had average dreams of leading a perfectly normal higher middle class life....
To attract acquire secure and maintain all of the above he had one thing which was the highlight of his life...
Hope.... Which he never lost...
And Faith which he always had on his inherent goodness and positivity...
He pulled it all up and gathered himself as someone who was empowered to find his own happiness within....
Marriage or no marriage , it did not affect his state of mind....
He was calm...
His serene smile showed that some lessons were meant to be learnt in one way or the other....
What one can do.... Is of course keep trusting that all is planned for our ultimate good....
Let's not judge any divorce as just another failed marriage....
Let's not start guessing as to why certain things did not work...
They know better...
They tried their best....
They played their roles...
And opted out when the drama was over....
How life unfolds is in hands of no one....
None of us are prepared....
But we can be gentle accommodating and accepting....
We can let people be...
Lessons are tales
Tales can be lessons...
He wasn't genetically well endowed, he wasn't someone who could be placed in good looking category least an average looking face....
He maintained good interpersonal relationships with almost everyone around him...
His parents were proud to have him as their son while his extended family and relatives found support in him in times of challenge and joy in sharing happiness with him in moments of celebration...
His friends and colleagues counted on him as someone they could open up to and rely upon at any given hour...
Mahesh, a peoples person was also diligent in work and practiced sincere work ethics...
He was everybody's favorite...
He got married to Swati when he felt the need of settling down...
It was an arranged marriage...
Swati was the youngest of four siblings at her maternal home...
Born and brought up in a conservative household , her maiden family had always been extra protective and possessive about her as their youngest daughter...
Her parents were not as financially well off as her in laws....
She was a free spirited girl with suppressed desires and oppressed expressions...
The marriage was a grand affair since Mahesh's parents wanted to invite everybody they knew to the wedding of their only son....
They opted to pay major expenditure of this marriage since they knew the monetary challenge at Swati's maiden home...
Post marriage Mahesh knew he had to take it slow since he knew the background from where Swati came from...
Swati surprised him by telling him about her total lack of knowledge about what a husband and wife relationship is all about...
Neither did she know about basics of procreation nor did she know about the significance of man woman relationship and emotional bonding which ideally would result in intimacy...
Mahesh digested the fact and gave her some books about facts of married life...
He tried talking it out with her...
Swati either shunned the topic or avoided him...
Otherwise she was loving the new found freedom in her in laws house...
She could go out with her friends over weekends, enjoy with them at the movies hang around after office hours and also attend overnight picnics....
She was never stopped about anything since Mahesh's parents likewise believed in personal space and individual freedom...
Swati was neither forced to help around in the house nor was she ever questioned about her newly acquired dressing pattern....
She graduated from Indian wear and salwar suits from her pre marriage days to jeans n tops and trendy dresses, jumpsuits and mini's post marriage...
With the kind of leeway that she got she took more out of the marriage than she could put in...
Not cooperating with Mahesh on the interaction and intimacy front she also refused to accompany him for fun date nights, weekend getaways and outings...
Mahesh's dreams of having a contended married life were challenged big time...
He asked Swati if they could go and see a counselor...
She refused downrightly saying that there was no need for a third person to tell them how they should behave with each other...
Mahesh made solitary visits to psychologists, counselors and sexologists to check if anything was wrong with him...
He received one answer from all...they needed to talk with his wife too...
Mahesh being the gentle and caring person that he was asked Swati to visit her nearest married friends , cousins and talk out her issues with them to counter check of things were different with them...
Bevause he knew she would never visit a clinic with him ever...
A year and a half into marriage... Neither they were emotionally close and nor had they physically consummated the relation....
Mahesh failed to understand the equation of why Swati refused to even let him touch her ever or even hold hands with him....
Finally he told her with a heavy heart that they should take a break, Swati should go back to her parents for a month and see if she missed him...
In the one month that they separated Mahesh felt terrible while Swati craved for the comfort and freedom of her in laws home.
Back with Mahesh her non cooperation arid behavior continued...
Mahesh tried his best to connect but finally took a call...
He called both the families together, made them sit and declared that he wanted to seek a divorce...
The meet turned rude and filthy from Swati's side...
She made false allegations and demanded alimony...
Mahesh made her sit down and explained it to her that mutual consent has to be a best way out....
Reluctantly she agreed to it...
They got a divorce within 8 months of filing....
Mahesh asked himself many questions....
If he had made a wrong choice or had he ruined the life of Swati along with him....
He was shattered and upset and hurt...
He tried to reason as to why something so unfortunate would happen to him...
But slowly he decided to come out of it...
The only way was keeping busy...
He asked himself what all he wanted to do really...
He joined a dance class since he was find of dancing since childhood
He started jogging and took professional help for his diet plan...
He joined entrepreneur classes meant for prospective proprietors...
He also attended self help seminars and did courses in healing....
He reconnected with his old pals...
Went on to join the spiritual club that he found solace in...
He started living life to its fullest....
Job was going excellent and his family was super cooperative....
Yes he wanted company
Yes he wanted to settle down
Yes he wanted to start a family
Yes he had average dreams of leading a perfectly normal higher middle class life....
To attract acquire secure and maintain all of the above he had one thing which was the highlight of his life...
Hope.... Which he never lost...
And Faith which he always had on his inherent goodness and positivity...
He pulled it all up and gathered himself as someone who was empowered to find his own happiness within....
Marriage or no marriage , it did not affect his state of mind....
He was calm...
His serene smile showed that some lessons were meant to be learnt in one way or the other....
What one can do.... Is of course keep trusting that all is planned for our ultimate good....
Let's not judge any divorce as just another failed marriage....
Let's not start guessing as to why certain things did not work...
They know better...
They tried their best....
They played their roles...
And opted out when the drama was over....
How life unfolds is in hands of no one....
None of us are prepared....
But we can be gentle accommodating and accepting....
We can let people be...
Lessons are tales
Tales can be lessons...
- Prajakta Sathe
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