Chaitanya was born to his parents after 15 years of marriage...
His dad Sitaram was a man with little interest in married life and was okay with if he could never father a child,
However his mother Annapurna was a complete family oriented lady....
She wanted kids and was totally connected with her extended family from both maiden home as well as in law's...
Annapurna's joy knew no bounds when Chaitanya came in this world....
Her existence revolved around him....
While Sitaram kept busy with his work and showed least interest in any domestic matters she made sure she gave the best for her child....
They were from a lower middle class background with Annapurna working as a clerk in govt.sector
Sitaram worked for a textile company which shut down when Chaitanya was appearing for his 10 th board exams....
With this instance Sitaram went into depression....
All efforts along with Unconditional love and support from all family members and gentle coaxing to re-join another office or to search for another job proved futile....
Sitaram remained homebound, frustrated angry and feeling guilty....
Chaitanya was a bright kid....
However for to the over protective nature of his mother he appeared pansy in front of everyone....
Chaitanya was bullied in school as well as at family functions for being too girlie or teased that he should go play with dolls...
With the lack of awareness in child psychology none of his parents looked into the matter and thought that it was something which was to be ignored....
In the mean while Chaitanya joined a decent college after scoring well in board exams....
Sitaram in the meanwhile suffered a stroke and was bedridden....
Annapurna juggled between managing home, an ailing husband and a teenage son....
These were tough years....
For Annapurna, earning her monthly salary, taking care of her husband and providing for her only son was the only aim at that point of time....
Chaitanya on other hand suffered a major identity crisis syndrome....
On one hand he was doing well in studies, making friends, talking a lot and having fun in college....
However on the other hand he had major confusion going on in his mind about his own sexuality and orientation towards any particular gender.....
At an age where he saw boyfriends girlfriends dating Affairs etc....he was majorly unclear about what he should like....
He adored both men and women as pals and humans....
However he couldn't prefer to be with either of them in any other way....
He couldn't confide about this to anyone neither could he visit a psychologist on his own....
Going to a shrink was considered a taboo in his time....
Plus the home pressure of his father's ailment and mother's struggle was right in front of him...
He preferred to keep mum and ho ahead in life however confused he was....
He never had a romantic relationship in all those years...
He studied way past his masters degree and with flying colors....
He also secured a well paying job ad soon as he passed out....
Within a year Annapurna retired and another year Sitaram passed away....
Annapurna started pushing him for getting married and settling down....
She was worried about his future....
However it was getting increasingly difficult for him to explain his problem to her...
For her sake he did meet a few prospective proposals bit rejected everyone....
One evening he told Annapurna that he had decided to stay single for life
He also told her that he might just quit his job soon and take a sabbatical to visit and stay Himachal for a few months
Annapurna, being the simple lady that she was failed to fathom all of this...her questions continued....
Chaitanya however had a strong calling to be amidst the Himalayas and being in silence for a long long time....
Until then he had read up almost all books on spirituality and was thirsty for funding his purpose in life....
Since he was going to be single and had already purchased a home in his name while he was at his job, he was least bothered about security and managing his life...
His mother had her pension going and was self sufficient...
One fine day he left to follow his inner dream...
He wrote to Annapurna that he was leaving for CharDham yatra and maybe won't come back if he likes it there....
Annapurna was both shocked and numb at his letter....
She was attached to him...
She had expectations from him...
And it was natural for her to feel the way she felt...
Attachments and expectations may be just a few of the attributes that contributed in adding to her grief...
Now she had nothing to look forward to...
With a life full of struggle and efforts to fulfil her dreams of a full house with family, at the end she was left with no one but herself....
While Chaitanya literally drifted off the crowd craving for peace solitude and quiet at a place devoid of human interaction....
One man's tonic could be other person's poison...
By choice and by chance are two situations that became game changers in this story....
Both are now by themselves....
Annapurna lonely and unhappy
Chaitanya in solitude and unsad
However both of them in their heart of hearts want and wish to be happy for each other....
His dad Sitaram was a man with little interest in married life and was okay with if he could never father a child,
However his mother Annapurna was a complete family oriented lady....
She wanted kids and was totally connected with her extended family from both maiden home as well as in law's...
Annapurna's joy knew no bounds when Chaitanya came in this world....
Her existence revolved around him....
While Sitaram kept busy with his work and showed least interest in any domestic matters she made sure she gave the best for her child....
They were from a lower middle class background with Annapurna working as a clerk in govt.sector
Sitaram worked for a textile company which shut down when Chaitanya was appearing for his 10 th board exams....
With this instance Sitaram went into depression....
All efforts along with Unconditional love and support from all family members and gentle coaxing to re-join another office or to search for another job proved futile....
Sitaram remained homebound, frustrated angry and feeling guilty....
Chaitanya was a bright kid....
However for to the over protective nature of his mother he appeared pansy in front of everyone....
Chaitanya was bullied in school as well as at family functions for being too girlie or teased that he should go play with dolls...
With the lack of awareness in child psychology none of his parents looked into the matter and thought that it was something which was to be ignored....
In the mean while Chaitanya joined a decent college after scoring well in board exams....
Sitaram in the meanwhile suffered a stroke and was bedridden....
Annapurna juggled between managing home, an ailing husband and a teenage son....
These were tough years....
For Annapurna, earning her monthly salary, taking care of her husband and providing for her only son was the only aim at that point of time....
Chaitanya on other hand suffered a major identity crisis syndrome....
On one hand he was doing well in studies, making friends, talking a lot and having fun in college....
However on the other hand he had major confusion going on in his mind about his own sexuality and orientation towards any particular gender.....
At an age where he saw boyfriends girlfriends dating Affairs etc....he was majorly unclear about what he should like....
He adored both men and women as pals and humans....
However he couldn't prefer to be with either of them in any other way....
He couldn't confide about this to anyone neither could he visit a psychologist on his own....
Going to a shrink was considered a taboo in his time....
Plus the home pressure of his father's ailment and mother's struggle was right in front of him...
He preferred to keep mum and ho ahead in life however confused he was....
He never had a romantic relationship in all those years...
He studied way past his masters degree and with flying colors....
He also secured a well paying job ad soon as he passed out....
Within a year Annapurna retired and another year Sitaram passed away....
Annapurna started pushing him for getting married and settling down....
She was worried about his future....
However it was getting increasingly difficult for him to explain his problem to her...
For her sake he did meet a few prospective proposals bit rejected everyone....
One evening he told Annapurna that he had decided to stay single for life
He also told her that he might just quit his job soon and take a sabbatical to visit and stay Himachal for a few months
Annapurna, being the simple lady that she was failed to fathom all of this...her questions continued....
Chaitanya however had a strong calling to be amidst the Himalayas and being in silence for a long long time....
Until then he had read up almost all books on spirituality and was thirsty for funding his purpose in life....
Since he was going to be single and had already purchased a home in his name while he was at his job, he was least bothered about security and managing his life...
His mother had her pension going and was self sufficient...
One fine day he left to follow his inner dream...
He wrote to Annapurna that he was leaving for CharDham yatra and maybe won't come back if he likes it there....
Annapurna was both shocked and numb at his letter....
She was attached to him...
She had expectations from him...
And it was natural for her to feel the way she felt...
Attachments and expectations may be just a few of the attributes that contributed in adding to her grief...
Now she had nothing to look forward to...
With a life full of struggle and efforts to fulfil her dreams of a full house with family, at the end she was left with no one but herself....
While Chaitanya literally drifted off the crowd craving for peace solitude and quiet at a place devoid of human interaction....
One man's tonic could be other person's poison...
By choice and by chance are two situations that became game changers in this story....
Both are now by themselves....
Annapurna lonely and unhappy
Chaitanya in solitude and unsad
However both of them in their heart of hearts want and wish to be happy for each other....
- Prajakta Sathe
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