Household Harmony...

There are so many things which could possibly wreck the Harmony in our day to day life....

Ego per say isn't bad as it is labelled to be...
Ego is awareness of Self as an existing entity...
Many times there are questions like -
Why me?
Why only me?
Why just me?
Why always me?

Which indirectly also means...
Why not him?
Why never him?

But in reality just a bit proactive behavior on our part can make life so much easier... Delegation and time management with the right set of attitude can surpass highest challenges in day to day life....

A detergent company recently banked it's advertisement on equality of work in a household.
Well, I d say to each one his or her own. We cannot deny the fact that the face of the society is still changing...
I am not a feminist nor a gender equality torch bearer...
I have a very miniscule amount of light to throw on what actually happens...

Not many men are raised with a habit to help around in the house Nor are women.
I don't remember being specifically trained in doing household duties as a 'girl' per say while growing up....

Helping in setting up the table for meals and clearing if off after meals every day....
Peeling potatoes...
Help shelling peas off their pods in season...
De- stemming the leafy greens sometimes....
Filling in drinking bottles....
Watering the plants in summers...
Grating or slicing veggies or fruits at times....
These were some chores that I did as a part of discipline inculcated as I grew up...
(Had I been a boy I would be still doing them)

When I got married and began to manage a house all by myself (with the revelation of 'atte dal ka bhaav')
I went through all the phases...
It was a cycle of sorts....

Many new brides go through this....
Of expecting help from spouse
Of disappointment
Then frustration
Fights
Blame game
Comparisons
Bouts of Self pity
Tears of being a victim
Mute zone
Sulking
Acts of vengeance
Bitterness in the heart
Scar on the emotional self
Lesson learnt the hard way
Carrying on
Another episode of expectation
And the cycle continues....

This can happen in various aspects...
Finance , cleaning, cooking, entertainment, going out, relaxation, vacation..
Practically every single thing in life goes through this....

In broader view isn't this a really painful way of learning things via suffering?

We in India have the extreme privilege of having the concept of maids...
Yes we all have maids... Yes it's tough to manage them.... But with sweetness things can get better....
And employing more than one and delegating work would mean many things....
1) generating jobs requiring manpower will give employment
2) having multiple house helps would mean lesser chances of all of them going on a leave together
3) switching their jobs at time of leaves means less stress at home...
4) having great domestic support has shown fantastic statistical reduction in eating out. Stress induced excessive shopping traits have also said to reduce with the same...

Why fret on laundry when a Bai can do it for you? Why crib on plants getting dry when the Bai can water them... The bottles aren't filled from the purifier...? Ask your maid to do it... Save huffing puffing on simple things...
We generate enough finance to wear labels and discard off season clothing... Why the struggle to delegate?

Considering the fact that we can delegate work... There are yet soooo many things that only we have to do or can do for our house....
Here prioritising and multitasking can be the trick....

I find it okay to be doing
My things
Our things
And
His things as well

There is no point, in showing it to him or giving it back by saying it again and again that I DID THIS FOR YOU
or THIS IS NOT MY JOB...

why would we say that?
It's our house right?
It's that one person you love right?

Yeah... He can make coffee by himself...
He still asks me to make coffee for him...
I make it for him happily and I don't sulk...
Because I can and I want to and I don't expect an award for that....

He loves the food I make....
We have a full time cook...
Yet... I make it a point to make any one dish in a day for the family....
My way of getting to know what's up in the pantry...
I know he d have those extra phulkas just because the subzi was perfect or the dal was the right mixture of spicy and tangy like he wants...
No I don't want acknowledgement for what I do....
I do it for my happiness....

There still are days when no maid turns up... There is a sink full of dishes and the machine full of clothes pile...
Why fight and still end up doing the work...? Put on some music and do it... With practice I have come a long way... I used to take almost two hours to do the dishes... Now I take 60 mins... And it's fun... It's once in a while... Why take pressure and give pressure???

I have a mending basket kept for all button replacements stitching emergencies elastic gone wrong or an accidental tear on a pyjama...
I mend them once a month...
And feel sooooo great after its done...
No point in fighting..."its your shirt...buttons are simple to stitch... Why don't u do it yourself...."

Many times in marriage, we are screamed at for no reason, we are blamed for no fault of ours or maybe held responsible for a mishap which was a pure accident that could have happened anyhow...
Well, there could be a few reasons to it...
The screaming person -
A. Could be hungry... Really hungry.
Blood sugar and temper are inversely proportional to each other....
B. Could be sleep deprived....
C. Could have had a really bad day...
D. Could be stressed or feeling really under the weather...
E. Could need a hug....

What we could do is that immediately say SORRY... take the blame in a subtle manner....offer food, water, chance to rest and unwind followed by a hug....

It must work...
No we aren't demons...
We are humans...
With a calm better half...
Even a monstrous temperament cools down eventually....

It's okay to smile and keep quiet most of the times...
It's fabulous to keep working and keep busy doing something...
This leads to a frame of mind wherein we are so joyous and fulfilled in our own world that the person in front almost calms down even at our sight or many times doesn't even want to try n disturb the peace we exude....

For every negative thought that we think... We have to generate at least 10 positive thoughts...

Now... As Kanha screams from the loo asking us to wipe his bum,
There is no question of who'll do it....
I ll go and do it... Because I love Kanha and I want him clean and off the potty soon....no I won't question why my spouse wouldn't do it when he can and when he also loves him equally and he is also a parent..... No no no...
I am not going on those lines... Plus house work doesn't become something that ,"I have no option of escaping and I have to do because he doesn't help..."
It turns into something ,"I love doing it because it's my house and I love doing things out of choice..."
A shift in thoughts changes the picture... We can't change people around... What we can change is our attitude...

Yes we are humans... Yes we get tired... Yes we need a break... Yes they also need to participate... But.... Why focus on the problem and get stuck in a rut when WE can be the solution.
We are powerful exuberant happy creative caregivers nurturers and working homemakers of our generation...

I am happy doing whatever comes my way...
My karma... My life...
My happiness is my responsibility....
The key to my mood stays with me...
The green card of my emotions never gets swiped by someone else...
The password is just with me...
I am my Positron....
Are you???