Spiritual Parenting

I let Kanha sleep in till he woke up on his own...
Fresh and chirpy he quickly brushed his teeth...
I asked him if he wanted to have a nice massage today to which he readily agreed...
He was so quiet and enjoying himself while I gently gave him this pampering.... From toes to hairtips...
Kids aged 5 also do look in their mother's eyes and smile...
I wrapped him up in a bedsheet for letting the oil soak well and made him sit beside me as we read out a story from a book....
The story had fairies and a king and also a beast....
Today he did not stop me in between to ask me any questions...
He was happy with the ending...
Time for a bath...
He wanted to have a nice perfume water while bathing today....
So I let him choose....
We are used to having eucalyptus n cinnamon in winters lemon grass and eau de cologne and citrus in summers and lavender at night
I thought he'd pick from the norm....
I guess the adequate rest, massage had made him perkier,
He chose no oils but Dettol...
He knew that so clearly that he wanted the Dettol smell today...
After bath we lit a lamp , since he wanted to ring the puja Bell...
He was quick to finish his breakfast of Lauki and Dates kheer with nuts, Kesar elaichi and ghee added for aroma and flavor....
Playtime followed by a quick shopping trip to the market...
Then we went to school for mother's day celebration....
An hour of complete fun...
Came home... Had lunch....
I was extremely sleepy...
But he didn't want to rest nor did want me to nap...
So he had a bout of crying...
I understood that he would definitely sleep now
I told him we ll just lie down and see how we feel...
He agreed and slept in 5 mins while I lay awake...
Pondering over how and what am I feeling right now....
I was happy...
Satisfied with the morning spent we with him...

This may look like a page from the diary of an urban mum...
It also might be true...
But... However... I learnt a few things with experience....

1) crying is good...
No it isn't a sign of weakness...
It is a natural way of letting out frustrations and negativity from the body... Kids and adults alike may cry at any given time for reasons unknown and feel a tremendous uplift in their being after that.... No point in holding back your tears.... Let go... Let it out... It's good for health...

2) not every single day is supposed to be spent in a military disciplined way...
It's okay to skip a routine if you feel like spending time with a loved one...
Kids especially RESPOND beautifully to kindness and REACT in not so good ways to nagging....

3) it's nice to let them decide things...
Makes them feel responsible. Gives them confidence and incurs decision making skills from a very young age...

4)touch hug and kiss your kids... Hug them tighter... They like that...
A tight squeeze by a parent while they scream 'leave me leave me' means that they are loving it... In no time they d have a life of their own and get busy...
Cherish them while they are tender...
Massages with oil before a bath... Cream after a bath or before going to bed reaffirms and reassures them of your presence in their life... Not just physically emotionally as well...

5) respect them... Don't hit... Never ever do that... Just because you are physically big doesn't mean you can use your power against their tiny bodies... A big no... It is not okay to take out your personal frustrations over them... They are not receivers of your personal junk... They are Divine Pure and must be treated like one...
Learn to manage your negativity...
Kids are already a pro in that...

6) don't use SARCASM under any circumstance... No don't threat them... Do what you want to do straight off... No point in just saying words you don't mean to do... No locking up threats... No leaving threats.... Please...

7) read to them... Tell them stories... Sing with them...hear music with them... ASK THEM QUESTIONS AND OPINIONS... genuinely thank them for a compliment they give... Give them compliments too... Praise them for good behaviour...
Use maybe we can... Instead of You must have You should...
I love it when Kanha says I really like you...
I respond with I like you too baby...
Then he'll try saying I don't like you.
To which I say, it's okay if you don't... But I still like you Kanha...
This somewhere would teach him unconditional love and at the same time keep the habit of speaking his mind...

8) don't force - to study to play to eat to sleep... Give them breaks... Kids today pick up stress from auras around them... So it's okay to feel bored and express it openly... It's okay if they don't bow down to elderly and touch their feet... Don't turn monsters and shout at them for not following the traditions...

9) give them time... To settle to unwind to talk aloud to express... Encourage them to write... Practice things that you want them to inculcate yourself... They ll pick them up if it suits their personality... I found Kanha singing so many songs while he played by himself or while he sat on his potty that I played for my riyaz... He also sat with my pearl necklace once and announced that it's chanting time for him and he must be left alone till he finishes....

10) joke with them... Find humor in smallest things... It's okay to pick up stones from roadside and throw them up in the air. ( gently remind them not to throw them at living things or cars and windows....) Gravity is best explained by this... Let them have their unlimited water time... It heals it nurtures... No they won't catch cold... You are already taking care of their health with nutrition right??? No don't say that you can't drink water right now or you ll keep going to the loo throughout the night...
Who are we to decide when and how much water they should consume...

* they might have come as your kids
But they may be older and much experienced souls than you... And definitely upgraded versions in all things... They are infinite... For them nothing is impossible.... Let it be that way. Don't be eager to crush their dreams with your conditioning....

I am learning about parenting every single day... Though I love my son, I know I don't Own him... Non attachment leads to enjoyment in mothering is a personal experience.
He is through me... He is not mine...
The purpose of writing this is not to teach but to share my gratefulness to my baby... Mother's day falls sometime in the middle of the year... But for me... There is no better glory than thanking my baby for what he has done to me...
Reminding to pickup non judgement purity innocence and non expectations and being happy without reason and forgetting grudges or mishaps... Forgiving... All learnt from Kanha...

Another reason to thank my Guruji Naushir for the insight in spiritual parenting.

I d end this mother's day note by quoting a jolly soul...
Mr. Vitthal Kamat rightly said - a child gives birth to a mother....

- Prajakta Sathe