Give me 2 mins...

If using public transport is not convenient for some of us, use pool VS individual car/cab rides. It has now become an environmental emergency.
              
Let us keep our status symbols aside and use them. Leave for your destination a few minutes early. Be ready for a detour.

Help us have better air around. Raise voice against unnecessary garbage burning in your local community area. Ask questions, take steps to stop it.

This year while most of us celebrated Uttarayan and women had haldi Kum Kum celebrations I was alarmed at the return gifts made of Plastic given on these occasions.

While it is considered impolite to refuse a return gift in a social setting. Gently suggesting better alternatives to the host and setting an example by gifting environment friendly gifts is need of the hour.

Same rule applies for return gifts for birthday parties and marriages. The amount of gift wrapping glitter plastic gets trashed on such occasions is scary. Plus this hardly gets re/upcycled.

Don't buy plastic , don't gift plastic unless and until there is no single alternative to it. Return back plastic bags to your local grocery shop or send him your storage dabbas in one trip get them refilled and bring back home some valid reason to feel good.

Yes it will cause tiny inconvenience, bit isn't it worth it? Question harmful lifestyle choices to people close to you and gently suggest organic and environment friendly alternatives  

Open your eyes, get alert, be aware, be the change... Our kids are watching us and learning. Let us set an example. Earth can do without us , it is we that can't do without her.

Enough of viral fever and cough and cold waves every month. Enough if cases of pollution related disorders and health conditions. Let us start living before we die...

- Prajakta Sathe
www.sprajakta.blogspot.in

Free hugs...

I recently went to Pune to just meet and hang around with friends and meet a few acquaintances on Facebook (in real time)
While doing that I made sure that I posted about none of those meetings on Facebook. I met close to a dozen people in 4 days and in a one on one setting with a minimum 90 mins to a few hours of talking with them...
I realised these actual meets gave me much joy that watching these people do their stuff on social media and giving them likes.
To spend time with a person and share the physical space along with the vibes and the TIME makes such amazing difference to our experience world. I was in awe of and humbled by the stories that all of us carry with us to tell. I have not a single pic of any of them neither wish to mention their names since they know we met and how?
One thing struck... Just like any Artist can't be bigger than his Art , a Gadget can't get bigger than a Human... Period. The earlier we accept it the sooner we start living...

What is the gadget doing to us?
As children of our parents ,
As mothers and fathers of our own kids...
Our friends family and the non/existential nature around us.
Do sounds of tenderness , mirth, giggles, gibberish first words, or cries of tantrums /boredom/frustration of learning of those tiny voices become muted and hurt?
Are we letting voices get muffled by the clicks and beeps of messages ?
Relationships redefined by blue ticks at late hours rule and rock our world???
Would those Gifs , emojis , smileys help ease our pain of loneliness?
We become a part of each other's world by sharing Posts, stories, statuses and pictures...
Why do we feel the need of taking our phone on the dinner table?
Why do we look inside the flash world when our sons and daughters tell us about their awesome day in school?
Why the hell do we keep checking the screen inspite of zero updates on Insta and null feeds on FB and then feel bad that life isn't happening for a few seconds and that we are going nowhere...
Where would we go to feel cold?
Whom would we reach out to for warmth?
Would we value presence... silence...
Would we ever relearn to read feelings , body language or the unspoken word?
Would we give take and share and celebrate TIME?
Would we stay still or even move and walk and talk without thumbs strutting and palms fidgeting through widgets and swaps and scrolls?
Would we decipher sunshine without adjusting the brightness or appreciate simplicity without filters?
Would we care to ask someone for real as to how Are they doing and if they want to talk? Or meet up?
I phones I pads I pods Chromecast Amazon fire shooters virtual reality interface spects Apple watch and lots more...
We wake up to screens to switch off the alarm then look in our calenders for schedules and call a cab for work throught an app and work on our laptops while commuting and make presentations online and take conference calls and do strategy planning and come home to sit on the table each one of us with a friend online giving likes commenting and watching others...
All of these Gadgets got lucky...
They got to use us...
We became Robots with intelligence but no cognition of reality...
Would we stop?
Ever?

Prajakta Sathe

Linen...

Windows to my soul...
Secrets - neatly tucked in sombre quilts of presence...
Thoughts hung to dry; dripping with pitter patter drops of emotions ...
Longing , stretched to press and fold; to be  stacked one above the other...
Sandwiched between desires and cravings...
Some whims arranged on hangers to quickly throw on , on days of uncalled for solitude...
Love... Spritzed on this wardrobe of existence...
Search, quest, yearning make sounds on a keychain of a cresent shaped pearl tub ...
I am bliss!
- Prajakta Sathe

If only...

There lay 1000 suns amidst the thought of asking you out and the possibility of even considering to sit across a table with those jet black eyes staring the hell out of me asking all curious questions without a single word...
Not because you were monogamous in your failed marriage to a girl out of your religion , not because I have been polygamous in my successful marriage within my community caste and subcaste too...
Not because you unjudged me for being happily uncommitted in a legal bond not because I excused you for now exploring physical perks of non matrimonial crown...
Not because you told me you are attracted to me not on face but on hush hush blue ticks at wee hours unbothered...
Not because the experimental kiss that happened between us was awkward from your end and totally working and hot on mine...
Unbothered because you cared to tell me no it's not working and that you can't do it to your best friend's wife...
Unbothered because you knew that I had already married my boyfriend's best friend once and that craziness runs in my blood
Not because it definitely unbothered me if  any faintest resemblance of her to me un-nerved you or maybe absolutely not...
But because it unbothered me if I could yet again fall for another best friend of my husband ...
History repeating itself till lessons were learnt was a scary realisation and both you and me were tired of running on and off this track with our historical baggages in tow...
Of questions about our present , about plastic fences that we pseudo cared for scare us even as we deny...
About synthetic conditioning that we were raised to believe in , about morals that societ reforms sulked about and about my genuine trust about human resonance...
Sure of my craziness of leaving it all and running off with a vibrationally synchronised soul about letting everyone love anyone and celebrating anyone loving everyone
About the shock, disbelief and unacceptance about my evolution from my crushes on different attributes at different times on different men...
If only we could take a step
If only we could learn to trust
If only we could build up a whim
If only if we dared to dream
If only we could hold the hand
And walk some steps...
With no sacred fire , zero precious metal rings , nil signs on pieces of paper
Live for an experience to be etched in our blueprints just to learn a lesson and move ahead in life without creating additional drama around things...
If only I could be humanly divine as you just like how divinely human I am...

Galaxies in my cup...

Missing you Never happens out of the blue
Midnights of cold enforced solitude when mugs of hot chocolate and fluffy blankets fail miserably to provide the expected rise in mercuries from Mars and Venus...
I keep remembering the comforting darks that we spent on our favorite recliner, watching mushy rom coms , chick flicks, dramas, thrillers , actions, horrors sometimes wearing each other's clothes...
Me in your boxers and you in my singlet...
On nights of off season or in season rains when there is no moon to look at or no thinking that you may also be looking at it from where you are, connecting us in strange ways because monsoon here and there pours waters that taste differently
On rainless noons where sun blazes fire to shame , my hormones unable to tame yearn to undo your weaning
And noons remind me of your full shirts that I hated... Because you looked drop dead handsome in them and then I wouldn't want to let you go for work looking all dapper in that powder blue crisp formal shirt and khaki beige killer trousers...
I also hated you in short sleeved tees... Because then I could skin feel your   impeccably carved biceps that made me want to be in your arms for another minute way past your till your sleeping patience ran out , but you'd still stay in and lay there doing what you gorgeously did...
Run your fingers through my hair while we spoke nothing feeling your heart beats as my head rested on your chest...
I also hated you without shirt... Because it showed marks of a kiss here and a faint scratch there... Your flat stomach and the scar on your neck which reminded me of the tree bark you lifted to save me from an accidental leg slip on our way down from Karnala bird sanctuay... I hated you always... With clothes or without and you loved me nevertheless...
The door bell rings incessantly on some days and random mails , parcels couriers drop in not allowing me to day dream about you about us about how your honey almond  eyes gleamed when they caught me staring at you in between routine random talks ...
On chirpy spring mornings when the cuckoo peps the world in candy floss and yet my world spins for a toss when some lay man in the lift wears the same Issey miyake making my heart skip a beat on the whim of a whiff...
I remember the post work mandatory hug that smelled ohh so good and familiar and calmed me down with the fragrance...
I remember how we'd skip dessert to quickly brush and get in bed and how one of us burst into a laughing fit blaming the other to be extra horny since the paste taste was still there...
Someone forgot to rinse well said our notoriously inviting stare...
No it's not gross that I still remember how you tasted early in the morning unbrushed unwashed on my palette, your morning breathe was musk and so was our post workout love making...
Uninhibited , unhygienic, crude, raw...
I remember that I ate my food fast but you ate it faster and so we d never dine out we d rather cook at home ....
Which meant that I cooked and you d do your man thing
You d watch the match or the news or the history channel or YouTube
I d lovingly serve you d ravenously eat and then we d savor our lips for dessert  and make out on the couch
And as we happened some things didn't
Like I expressed myself through words I tried to understand that maybe you couldn't
I wanted to know where we stood , who we were and our woulds or coulds
I wanted to know if there were any boundaries expectations or labels to what we were
Some things needed to be named as we grew near
I asked you smiled and then we walked a few miles
It was a walking date , maybe twist of fate
You chose to close you read out three poems which stated your current state of mind , those poems weren't yours...
I was looped into an uncalled for rewind.
To want a closure not a seal was just a small wish not a big deal
I wanted to know not command where we were what was our stand
You kept being gentle I kept being sweet
We drifted apart clean and neat
Now you visit me unannounced and straight only in memories where the new me still waits...

FB quitting : social networking detox

And so I managed to stay off FB from 1 st July to late 8 th July. Which makes it a week long hiatus. It was amazing to be out of touch of the external triggers. It may have not brought me inwards or may not have created any deep impact however it has definitely led me to believe that such breaks are mandatory.
               So the big day arrived on 8th and the day went so fast. Inspite of not getting enough sleep the night before (read I slept from 4 am to 7.30 am) I was alert but surprisingly calm. Things moved smoothly. House was a circus with 7 adults and 3 kids in a two bedroom apartment with 8 suitcases of the guests shifting to the US occupying all of my studio room. Yes there was chaos , yes there was noise, but however I was peaceful from within. I knew it would be right and ofcourse it has to be and it so was... It was my Guruji's day after all. The performance , the look, the time, the management, the backstage, the discipline, the aesthetics, the audience, the musicians, the performers everything was impeccable.
                  The day got even better when I received a good news of sakshat my sadguru Mahavtar Babaji sitting through my singing performance on that day. I know for sure that my soul is blessed and I am loved and looked upon.
                  So on request of my beloved friend Chitrang I logged in to FB for accepting his tag. Another kind friend Clicked awesome photographs of the show and then I had to update and upload it all and tag my performer students. Thousands of likes , comments , texts, phonecalls and messages have humbled me to my core and have made me aware of what responsibility lies ahead. With Guruji in tow I am sure the journey is mesmerising and as exciting as always. Tasmay Shree Guruve Namah.

FB quit - Day 4,5 & 6...

So the hectic week peaks towards the end. Classes , rehearsals, Kanha cub at home and my patience levels at an all time low. Show plan turned 180 degrees with a new band coming in and the full performance coming over my shoulders. I bogged under pressure n fell sick. My body gave up to the emotional stress however with the grace of my Guru and well wishers and friends prayers I was fine today. The rehearsals rocked.
I came home to chaos... Yes I feel out of place when there is talking and noise around
I don't like being asked many questions when I m in my own sweet somber .
The royal ladies of the house aka my mom and my grandmom along with cub made sure they made lot of noise.
I wanted to be all by myself.
This is a particular time when I like to be by myself and have quiet around... Alas... Even now while I want to type my heart out , this critter who can read is watching my every word. Damn you sleepy child (aka son) go to sleep like a normal 6 year old. It's 11pm !
Tomorrow there would be more noise with foreign visiting relatives land up.
The routine gets jitters and the show proximity creates ripples. However I ll make sure my focus is fixed. How I long for some drenched words of poetry by my bedside table. The routine mundaneness of domestic life kind of challenges the artist within. But both must thrive... The domestic goddess as well as the wanderer, the seeker, the wonderer , the soul... Together in this mad chaos... Amen!

FB quit - Day 3 : Superworking Monday

Today started way early and how... Had a 14-15 hour work day and hence had set an alarm for 6.30 am. Woke up by myself at 6.15 sharp. Cooked two meals and got ready. Reached Andheri West Jampad 5 mins early than the call time of 9am.
Other musicians as usual came at 10.30 am
Till then I spoke to the very funny Prince Mishra aka caretaker and pseudo rocker of Yari road... He narrated me the enticing kissas of musicians and singers who come there to jam. He narrated his native story from Allahabad and how he came to Mumbai and settled here, about his father's death in an accident and about his wish to do 'seva' of his mother in her old age. A boy as young as 23 narrated everything so unpretentiously, showed me his silver stud cap and his microphone bing pendant. Human library was open for the morning, I didn't sing , but I surely learnt a lot. Observed him....
Once the rehearsals started the vocal chords conditioned to the sound ambience and reverb of the place. I thoroughly enjoyed the jamming and practiced my songs for good 4 times over. Once done chatted with my co-singer on our favorite topic our Guruji and spirituality as we had lunch. Then we quickly restarted practice and got over early at 4 pm. So naturally I reached my class venue within 20 mins that leaves me time till 6 pm when the class starts. I listened to some music, made some calls and then , well observed ppl , children, parents and teachers in this school going around. It is indeed a human library to sit out in the open on this ground and do nothing but watch , as the life passes by.
Yes this blog has been narrative kind, my day is just half done as I make use of the peaceful time here to type. The climate is hot , humid and I am tired. Yes I d like a shower and would love to crash in bed. But there lies ahead 30 students with curious minds and willingness to learn...
This evening's hold ,new admissions , exam announcements , batch practice, my personal Riyaz and dance rehearsals for Saturday's show. Until I type again tomorrow morning , here is a tired by quiet soul signing off from outdoors.
LoRD bless.

FB quit Day 2 - Emotional outburst.

And so I quit FB somewhere around yesterday evening. It got to me , it became to pretentious. I accepted that I was getting the high of positive reward feedback for my brain and needed to get it required to pause , absorb, assimilate, process, hold in, hold on and recreate/reproduce. It had become the cult of slavery wherein I d be logged on and scrolling through the timelines at any given hour. Enough said than done I wanted to post every second of my life and mind everyone I had literally begin to perform my life.
Then I thought , why this? When my very own Guru who is such an enlightened entity stays away from limelight and public glare, un bothered, untethered by the chaotic humdrum around. I had to be inspired, I had to be productive and a doer than a watcher and a scroller. So I am not counting days when I say 21  since it began on an evening (who is judging anyways )
But for this month it is going to be the show on 8 th and then my Himachal trip.
I am sure to hustle at work and play at party when I ought to do what I ought to do.
I want this month to be a clean dream ride. With no crutches.
Yesterday I went off the radar and felt miserable when I swiped through screens and failed to find the comforting blue icon across. I was frustrated and angry at myself (I am glad that I can describe the emotions so clearly )
Then I binge ate (something which I rarely do)
I told myself come on, let it all come out...
Bring it on... I had an argument with Grandma, fought with Kanha and stayed up all night cribbing for nothing.
But this had to happen. These are weaning signs and for good. The very fact that I woke up feeling like posting a blog I am sure that I am in store for good.
I also wrote a poem yesterday and unknowingly and also in frustration. It was dying to come out. Lol... So I will officially say this is day 2. If this looks up, I may even think of quitting it for 100 days... Or maybe not. It's too early to think.
I know there are going to be temptations. But I m going to chill.
The show pics may not be updated , I won't be tagged in memes. I may not get the likes and loves and wows. So it is Okay to not be popular and the selfie queen that I am , for a while.
It's raining beautifully now and though I am terribly sleep deprived at this moment , I am in it.
It's a Sunday morning and I have this day to my experience. I must take inspiration from Advait and keep going that extra mile for every bit that I do. Read, write,  express draw illustrate. Such an exciting ride to see... Ciao...

The morning after...

Wee hours of early dawn
On an an old chestnut door
Sticks on a Bougainville leaf
With seasonal raindrops
Drying over its withered brown
Humming birds from woods afar
Fly closer to this temple's bells
That swing with strong winds
And the sleeping baby
Turns it's face 
away from the lightening sky above...
The porch is dim lit humid stuffy and cold
Occasional fireflies crash the dull
Her glass bangles tinkle aloud
As she walks in haste
Through the dark courtyard
Grass bordering the moss covered stones
Makes sure her speed is held back
With conscious gait
Her hands of sound dust the leaf off the door
It creeks , toddler disturbed
The dome fills with its half asleep cry
She quickly lights the lamp
Burns incense
And places as an offering
A bundle of moist crumpled notes
Earned from the night before
Joining her hands in prayer
Not forgetting to collect them back
As she opens her sleep deprived eyes
Gobbling down the offerings by other seekers
She seeks solace, lying tired
Beside her infant, letting it suckle
future from today's calm heart
As it beats with the rhythm of the bells
She, her offspring and God...
This moment is home

- Prajakta Sathe.

Adieu

The long day seeps
From the empty sixth month sky
Noon falls strangely silent into the eve
It's raining black cherries now
And seeing this the windows cry
A tube light flickers in faint
The smoke from the wick intoxicates
Fame casts a shadow of the melting drops
The molten transparent turns white
Like the only strand of hair
Left loose from my tight clasp bun
I hear the bell and open the door
To find a fresh string of carefully strung buds
Unblossomed mogra clad in green
Wondering if I must pick it up
I bend down to hear footsteps down the stairs
The gait sounding familiar I pick up the fragrant gift
I come in and sink in the sofa...
Place the string on my chest
Inhaling it deep I forget everything
My name and his and the memories
For a miniscule moment I feel free
I get up and fidget in the kitchen
Come by the curtains swinging crazy through the windy night
Raise a toast, it's masala chai...
Our masala chai...
Raindrops dry on my sweat covered face
Steam from the cup hazes the view
I see a figure sitting calmly in crazed downpour below
Cross-legged, meditative, sure...
I try to comprehend the seat
and fathom the time, the reason.
He tried, I think, now I must do...
I let go... Run down watch him stand to bid adieu
I hug, hold on, cling and try ...
We struggle to breathe while we cry
but some things were not meant to be
We promised we'd love but set the 'US' free
I watch him fade in torrential drift
Walk back home tad more swift
Drenched in tears the tube turns on
Destiny prevails, life moves on...
- Prajakta Sathe

That eve...

Dew wet wings
Opening to say hi
Sun kissed paisleys
On my lips
You watch a leaf settle down
Shyly
It's spring and you know...
You sound like spring rain
On a lazy noon
The mattress curls up
As dusk descends
On our naked softs
Love lays calm
Till night fades
In the faint last droplets
Pattering down the roof post shower
We know it's time
We know it's true

Look...

Next to his smooth tanned back,
I find myself bliss-ning...
Wondering
how wild
the snow would be...
It's hot and I wait
When he smiles rare,
his amber eyes gleam...
Winter grass blooms...
- Prajakta Sathe.

Reliving memoirs

Buds blossoming in May
Float over clear cold lake ripples
Behind the line of drying socks...
With every gust of wind
This stranger comes closer
A determined sparrow
and some green melons split open
Only this city rave pricks within the seeds of the dusty woods
Fragrant blossoms remain
Hovering snowflakes
As the sun goes down
Trembling on a moonlit branch
We remember our scent

- Prajakta Sathe

Cobweb love

Strangers meet, recognised vibes
Pecking nudges, playing strides
Hormones sore, pictures liked
Windows open, chats spiked
Messages turn into voice notes
Selfies on request, impromptu video calls
Virtual becomes real, libidos impatient
Fantasies lived on backlights in the night
Smileys blow kisses, kisses laced with hearts
Lips and hips and curves drawn apart
Propositioned dates, drinks meet talks
Hands in hands at the sidewalk
Taxi booked, hooked up thus
Driver derailed with backseat fuss
Deep smooches hands sliding
Intimacy quivered hardness in hiding
Bodies meet, testosterone drives
Estrogen banged, sexting on tides
Blue ticks at night, filtered WhatsApps
Occasional tensions, I pill mishaps
Such is love, a need in the waiting
Unbarred by wedding masked by dating
Hungry , wanted , bated all...
Everyone rises refusing to fall...
Until one day grey hair shows
Quest continues until last breath bows
Nevertheless ...

Reboot...

Finally, this female decides to write/type, I did write a few pages on and off for a few days and tore them off. With a lot going on(thankfully good stuff) in professional life , I found my thoughts scattered and couldn't gather myself enough to sit down in a place and write. And then there were people and more people and things and more things and events and more events and work and so forth... Life is getting better by the day. I am happy I met Guruji at a tripping point last week where he nudged just enough courage and pumped up some confidence within his shaken disciple. The immense reassurance from his side and the strength in his words when he said, "why do you have to worry when you have me?" created magic. I know what that means when his magic is running through, as much as my parents blood runs biologically in my veins as a matter of chance , his energy runs through my spirit as a form of immense blessing and grace. When the link lies not just in this but in many lifetimes, it is felt more than a surge of physical energy... It is a lot more. I have felt him by my side when there were crying nights, I have felt him hold my hand in times of trembling anxiousness, I have felt him hug me in moments of victory and pull me up and hold me when I felt unsure and failing.
Its my incapacitation when I even in my remotest of thoughts challenge his advice through my meagre science fed human mind. I must trust when he says something. Heart has faith, brain doesn't follow. Its a strange ridiculous fight which I am so sure I am about to conquer.
The key highlights of last few months were the KNOWLEDGE TO ACTION GAP being conquered.
I am happy I got off the procrastination phase and started doing things right away.
So the meets happened , the letters got signed and sealed, proposals got accepted (since they were just laying there ready in the drawer), the phone calls got done, the to do lists got ticked off. And the stagnant energy flowed. I assume there still is some faint inhibition of sorts when it comes to actively going out and saying what I have to say , yet I believe it will come sooner than ever.
As I polish the salad off the bowl tossed with some gorgeous organic goats cheese I ponder over what now? And this question will keep pinching me gently every next moment. Grandma would come tomorrow to be of help and stick around with erratic summer schedule at work. That also means that there would be sound , of television more often than not which I hate. I am used to sereneness of the university area and the perks of staying in a colony filled majorly with retired couples. I love how this noon sun is milder today and is aesthetically beautifying the living area with shadow play of the chickoo branches running across the balcony... The breeze is unusually cool, the parrots have been unusually chirpy today and the adorable cuckoo seems to have lost in her noon siesta... One of the room fan creaks as it goes round and I am in love with the rhythm it creates... feels as if I am in a Railway compartment... And I love how odourlessly neutral the environment is since my maid didn't enthusiastically lit a few incense sticks while she left... Glad she forgot. Neutral is good for a change.
Also the balcony garden has non fragrant flowers today , ABOLI, SHOEFLOWER HIBISCUS AND BLUEBELLS... mystically colorful yet totally without any olfactory stimulus.
I remember my favorite gypsy traveler quoting something philosophical while leaving. I don't remember the words but I have the essence embedded deep in my heart. He asked me to dare to do something which I would never ever think of doing and wanted me to observe how it transformed me from within... He has brought many inspiring people in my life. Ben says first he wanted to be the best version of himself and then he understood that it is a never ending quest , so he changed his life goal to be an inspiration to others. My gypsy traveler wants to keep moving, keep doing, keep changing and make an empire and to lead... I believe he would. The positive pressure he incurs on me to keep doing and keep moving and re proving and out shining the old version of myself is felt high even as I type these lines.
It is precious when your people dream for you and with you. (There may be many others who dream of us though) At this point it feels absolutely blissful to be surrounded with a bunch of dreamers ready to go for a kill. I miss my gypsy traveler and long for a reunion when it is meant to be. Until then I better up my game and pull my socks to see moist eyes smile (all over again)...

A spoonful Of Relief

I've written many posts on parenting till now. The experience of being a Parent is such an eye opener and many times we find ourselves split in teams.
Offsprings are evolved and upgraded miniature versions of strong personalities for sure.
Parents here are the primary care providers and first circle guardians of the kid spending most time of the week/weekend together.

Sometimes it's Kid/s Vs Us.
Or it's Us Vs Us as a sub team of one grand parent Vs a biological first parent
or more often than not it's kid Vs himself/herself since he or she isn't matured enough to understand that the thing he/she is doing at that time is quiet other than anything that's of best interest to him or her.
Well, to be honest the teams are many times inevitable occurrences as a part of the growth of the Parent-Kid/s team.
Enough of preamble, I have been trying to get Kanha to eat by himself and this he temperamentally detests.
He likes being fed and this is a fact which has no basis of any disability to feed himself.
I started with simple cut foods that do not need use of touch (read eating with hands)
So bananas cut in slices to be eaten with a fork was the first step.
Slowly it went on to omlette or Chillas or Idlis for breakfast being cut and eaten with fork...
Then it came down to eating with a spoon , dal rice/ poha/ upma etc...
He threw tantrums , had melt downs , he threatened to not eat and even walk out...
This downright refusal was responded with a constant please eat first then we will talk.
 He tried negotiations which were not entertained.
Detached clinical outlook and no winning losing streak is practiced...
You eat like this or you stay hungry...
He also tried the latter but soon realised that he also wants to eat... And the option was just eating on his own...
He got hungrier and more agitated however this was one of those situations where it was not going to be a power play or an ego polish but in fact going to be a bench mark in deciding what is an essential part of being reasonably independent.
This I had to do without comparison with his peers since I believe every child is unique and will have different times situations environment and parameters to his growing persona and independence.
I as a parent had decided it was time to slowly wean him off being hand fed.
So first it was breakfast at home.
Then it has come to breakfast and another important meal (spoon eatable)
 He is still being fed some motor advanced meals like roti and sabzi...
He expressed his anger by saying he doesn't like me and that he is shifting to his grandparents house for good.
The important part was to play a role of a compassionate co participant by acknowledging that , 'I know that you are not feeling good about this , however it is important to be able to feed ourself.'
He asked me reasons and he was given reasons.
He asked for rewards and without countering I gently prodded his attention over all the things that he is allowed to do when he knows his quota for the day is done.
He asked, "Aai, tell me what do you do for me that I must do all this for you?"
To which my reply was ," you are doing this for yourself and You have to tell me what all I do for you because you are so observant and i love the fact that you think and know a lot. "
He was taken aback by this response. I knew he was craving to get a Reaction to spin the loop and go full blown into a temper fit.
But he knew from my stance that come what may his mom (team opp.) wasn't going to budge.
He tried pursuing his grandparents and His mommy gently asked them to stay calm and not speak till he has finished.
He tried calling his Dad and his dad said We will do what mom says and then we can talk when i return from office.
And so.... When everything failed , he asked me to sit in one room and not look at him. He asked his grandparents to go in another room and asked them to not come out...
Now it was a question of conquest of stubbornness Vs disciple.
A few hours down the line, slow spoons of Dal rice down his gut and buckets of tears down his eyes...
Finally a bowl was empty
A tiny stomach full
A mother grinning with relief
And a primary schooler happily watching his reward cartoon on I-pad.
Small victories of parenting are worth celebrating.
This episode repeats on a loop mode till the kid takes it on autopilot mode...
There are still many more meals to go, roti and phulkas to be fed and encouraged to be eaten with hands...
Then making him clean his own poo poo is on my next to do list.....
Donning many hats , this by far has been one of the most unpredictable one and nothing in the world , not even practise can make me perfect in being a parent.
It's a constant ongoing process of learning to be a team .... And keep playing...

- Prajakta Sathe

How does it matter?

I rekindled my connection with a soul out of an inner calling to reach out. When Guruji trains us on spiritual path we are taught to try to be like our Guru, our God and think like Divinity. To be non judgemental and to treat each soul as equal and from the same source. If my Guru sees each soul as one then why can't I see everyone around as equal? In the sense of giving chances to the relationships and tap every bit of its potential. I contradict my own statement earlier that I have an inner circle and an outer one where I decide who gets close who gets my time who gets my company and at the same time I try to think and be like Divinity. There is a hitch here which I am going to ask Guruji. Because on one hand we are supposed to be non pretentious and see everyone with no filters and spectacles and on the other hand we also have to be selective and choose our compatible vibration and mingle with souls on a plane similar to ours.
Here the blueprint and freewill give me a tough choice to follow. Plus we are said to connect or come into each others life for a purpose. When do we know that a role is over? With death? With legal separation? With physical distance? What about the emotional bonds? Where does the longing and inner yearning lead us to? Are we falling pray to our humane attachments by rekindling old ties and holding on? Are we not embracing change and being in the now?
Am I playing it safe so that I get best from both the worlds??? What could be the reason that I can sense that my physical presence needs validation from people I yearn for? At one point my sadhana is regular, my Riyaz is super consistent , my Guru is happy. What more do I want? Yet I feel a void.... And the lack of higher purpose too. Would I end up being just born to lead a comfortably mediocre life and die without no real spiritual progress and karma warded?
These questions are scaring my breath off today. Maybe it's just the change of seasons. Maybe it's exhaustion... Maybe I need to call it a day. It's late and both my body and mind need rest. But the soul keeps the yearning alive.... Tirelessly...

Oh how I wish you would get it...
Of every minute that I have spent
Wanting to know
How it feels to be yours
A part of you
And a part of me
That we dreamt of
The days in the farm
The animals in the barn
And the babies we would have
Glistening in your eyes
Tears that refuse to stay
In proud oceans of satisfaction
Tightest hug ever
We made it , your arms say
And you tell me. -
It's your voice and I knew it would
I have won , you say...
Because you sang
And the melody plays in every beat of my heart
Our pulse now Ticks in sync
Our progeny.... musical and blissful
We rebuilt our empire
At a place where the space between two notes resides...

Silence and calm...
Peaceful serene full of joy
I can see happiness...
It's your eyes....

Atah kim?

Yesterday was so Dramatic. Gym went super well, Sir was duper se bhi uper happy which meant that next few days will be pushed with mad overload... Its funny why being happy for our progress doesn't quite help since we are expected to outdo our previous benchmark every next attempt that we try... 

Came back to again crashing on bed, this sleep wave is maybe a result of long period of deprivation. I had mentioned to Guruji about my concerns about rest and he must have worked out something energetically. I asked mom to come help me with Kanha since his fever had subsided by then and she came. But my evening went in consoling Maasi and Naani. 

My baby cousin bro. has had a series of heartbreaks which he always shares with me. However, this time the blow was complex and the plot very Filmy. I know just one side of the story and hence cant take sides even if he is my cousin. This is his 6 th time in love and pretty entangled. He owns a travel company and took a tour where there was a family with a young girl. The girl was engaged to a boy in her workplace and it was an out and out love marriage to be married in a few months. Now my baby bro and this girl hit it off in the tour and got connected , they started chatting and meeting and calling and it got serious in no time. The girl on the other hand started wedding preparations with her fiance as well as started going around and getting more involved with my cousin. Now 10 th Feb is the wedding day, its a destination wedding and she is already at the venue but constantly connected with my cousin telling him that she loves him. Now even my cousin is confused and wants to take his chance to claim his love. However neither the female nor my cousin are ready to face the consequences. This lead my cousin to go into his shell and he stopped talking to his mom and dad and my naani. They got tensed since they sensed something was wrong and  they called me. They know for sure that He shares everything with me and knew that I would know. 

Bad place to be in. Part of the evening was spent in calming my maasi, chacha and naani down. None of these are bothered about any customs and traditions. All favor love marriages and are liberal enough to embrace any 'bahu' as their own. Just that they were scared to bits thinking that my cousin might do something bad to himself. 

On the other hand my cousin kept messaging me to guide him about NOW WHAT??? from his friend's place. He had gone there for a nightout and get together, 

Catch situations are tough, uncalled for but necessary to handle... I was exhausted and asked everyone to hold on and wait till he returned back home today. 

I on the other hand took solace in Sadhana and followed it with singing riyaz, Again slept early. Was tempted to open up a book since I thought I had slept enough in the noon, but no.... I slept and boy what brilliant sleep. DREAMLESS... Thats how one must rest....in peace...

On the other hand I am super excited about the star gazing camp that I am going, Actually I always wanted to go alone or with friends , but god knows why this time Himanshu was keen on coming along. I was happy but then he added his whole office crew to the group. I am tad bit concerned that it might turn into his corporate outing.... Ewwww.... 

But I am happy as I would have AD around to make it all sensible and worth it. To be honest when Himanshu started adding more people to the booking my concerns were about gettting to go crazy and spend time with AD , there would be women and single women and AD being a single man would definitely connect with everyone with his usual charisma and charm. I was afraid and insecure of being deprived of company.... Himanshu would have his workmates and AD his women ofcourse... Then I laughed about it.... 

What was it all about at the end of the day? where did this cheap streak come from? Why did I want AD all for myself? I laughed it off in mind. Isnt all of it about being super brutally honest about our own feelings and completely authentic about what we feel and be okay with how we feel about someone. Love, affection, liking, attraction is all about purest form of inherent beings that we are supposed to be, Why does a J factor even come into picture? I am glad that I got aware and documented any possesive streak or feeling of ownership that peeped into my being. Just like I am one person sharing my physical self with one, time with another , emotions with yet another and friendship with someone and spirituality and a platonic connect with someone else, I am being foolish to limit them and their exclusivity to me. They may be equally mine as well as someone else's in full authenticity. 

When I say KANHA is not mine, I never owned him and never will. He is just through me. A complete different physical entity who has just used my womb as a medium to enter this physical world. It was a silly streak of my humanness and conditioning that I got bothered  with if I would be happy under the stars? Of everything in the world STARS which fascinate me as one of the most wonderful things in the universe.... why must I worry about being happy or getting company, attention or validation? Silly silly me.... 

Let AD be him and let Himanshu be him and let me be me.So with no expectations from anything living and a promise that I will let only the sky communicate, I close the stargazing chapter for good. Let the divine intervention make things happen as they are meant to be. My job is to be Present.

           SF has been trying to connect and message , and I am just replying with smileys. I know for sure that I will respond and speak when there is genuinely something to say. I will let this beautiful sleep abundance phase happen in full glory, I was amused to see some old pics of mine with double chin being liked by a friend. He said he found them cute. When I look back upon how inspite our standards of what we like as a generic personality in opposite sex is almost always or mostly diametrically different than our actual legal counterparts. Well, atleast in my case... I love Macho Alpha Males with Biceps beard moushes Guitar and all things which superconfirm testosteron. Himanshu is clean shaven , corporate, lean dude with mildness as his flavor. While Himanshu loves superthin women with tiny waists and long hair, I have always been stout and plump...

While I still continue to say that what lies in the HEAD , the Heart , the Being and the Soul always rules.... its just the physical contrast that amuses me. 

Another long day with class and rehearsal and sadhana and riyaz going on.... 

Yearning to write about dance.... Hope it incubates well to come out at the right time!

Diehard...

I loved
I lost
And
I found out
What love is
or maybe was
or probably will be
Now
I don't dare
I just am
Love