Mains of Stoicism with a sides of forbearance - a complete meal!

Silence is back in town

I come to know of it by an anticipatory breathless gasp I hear from around

Yes, back and how? Just for a while, to place a semicolon amidst long space bars of blanks...

Just before it leaps to an exponential jump to another time and place...

I wonder if it knows its own journey for I understand its futile to speculate

Between long pauses of uncertain conversations it abandons me for a while long enough to miss it 

But just not much so as to help me get used to living without it

Sweetly brutal phases of something I long for

I had decided to not miss it

I was determined to live beyond memories and adulations of  romancing something I can't have 

In addition to that I am so sure that Silence is completely love with itself and So am I

Two people who put themselves first and always so can never be attached was my idea

But I failed miserably this time... maybe like always... 

I missed it dearly and yearned for a meet with it...

Even a brief encounter would do. 

At a local place, social set up, public venue or even at someplace close , maybe close enough...

I am recurrently reminded of the gaps that it filled in the past , right upto the brim... 

But just until it was about to spill... But never did it drip a droplet below...

Full was an idea any laywomen would cherish, however I needed  complete, but I never asked for it...

I could never have, since that meant I had to tie it with a string of expectations

And I have claimed to be a nonstick vessel with a liberated soul

So much for a human ego that I could never even bent down to tell Silence that I was in love

And even if it was one of those love in phases or love to be forgotten or love to die a slow death, 

It was LOVE or maybe still is for heaven's sake

I convinced myself that I had no selfish motives and I would be the first one to confess

I believed that Surrendering came naturally to me since spirituality happened

Then why the suspense and now why this guilt trip?

I may have let myself down by getting deceived by a self mask

Maybe Silence has gone

Silence doesn't love me

Maybe Silence is a bitter truth

Silence is unattached 

Maybe Silence doesn't need me as much as I need it

Silence is old, elder , wise and experienced

Maybe I am too noisy 

I need to grow up...

I am missing it deep down and still am adamant about not letting it know...

Silence must not turn into noise 

It may come to me as sound

I may search for it in Music too

but, It resides in none...

I will wait...

I will learn to listen...

FOOTNOTES

------------------------------------------

Attachment doesn't work 

It never is supposed to work

Attachment to kids parents partners lovers spouses friends relations money fame popularity youth health life death any material or platonic hypothesis brings pain 

Attachments -> expectations -> pain 

Gentle loving concern, good will and unconditional acceptance will win even the most challenging quirks in life... 

Just a thought of pleasant pat on my back as I got over one Fear at this very moment...

Feeling weak is okay , to emerge a winner gives a fabulous high....

I felt hung up on a certain thing and thought I would attach myself there....

But no.... Great distraction at a crucial time worked wonders! 

Foot notes for a conspiring inspiration seeker is to keep creating stuff and shit and not give a fuck to whether people would judge...

Eventually after a while some stuff is called shit and some deep shit is called great stuff....

It's important to keep expressing...

Catharsis or not, let it flow to keep it flowing is the rule... 

No inhibitions 

No barriers

No masks 

It's important to feel, 

inevitable to deal,

Eventually time will heal ... 

- amen to experience! 

Shhhh.....

I am reminded of a calm face of silence today...
The glow, the mirth, the peace resembled nothing but oneness with his surroundings...
Oh, how I wish I could dig deep into his thoughts and know what it takes to be the way he was and many times still is...
I have seen the same serenity in his eyes that change color as the day rises and seasons change, I asked him how? And he smiled showing me that he loved that I observed...
I couldn't blush since I wanted to appear confident and inquisitive yet I must have let lose a few ounces of pink around...
Because after that he held my hand and squeezed it firmly and asked me if I could feel it...
I wonder why our eyes glistened with moisture and mouths filled with faint pleasant affirmation...
The energy the moment and us...
Nothing else mattered...
Maybe we are like this with many people at many times, some of us are like this with fewer people at fewer times...
And then there is that person who is like this only with one person for only that one time...
With no assurance that the time will return ever
No these moments can't be replicated ,replaced or recreated...
But they have changed me... From inside out...
Now I hear silence more clearly and am sold at its beauty.
Words are mere translations of what can be...
I want to be present , that's all I want...
I d hate to crib at a sunset that I didn't do enough or I couldn't go here or meet them or see this or eat that....
No I m not planning to go all over the place doing all things I can, but I am open...
To what experience is going to reach me...
And I can see a similar stance in snippets and bits all around me...
Right from my cook Darshana who incessantly chants Om Namah Shivay while cooking or while my granny knits one loop after another , twining her way to meditation yarns of comforting softness that no other pashmina could render...
I have been peckishly observant about how people around me grab their quiet in the daily humdrum, each one does, even Kanha becomes mum once in a while and I keep wondering what goes on...
I love the contrast of an lady doing the dishes right above our flat... Her utensils and the water can't get louder than her feeling.
The noon Azaan is on...
The sparrows chirping , some crows , my thoughts, somewhere some mushrooms gossipping feverishly to lull themselves to sleep and the room clock ticking quite loudly today....
My thoughts and heartbeats need syncing...
It was a gusty mighty rock n roll morning
I can laugh about the accidents that happened since dawn just because they aren't worth mentioning....
It's crazy how a day takes turns to tickle all the right bones in you...
Thank you Din...

Resplendent day...

Yesterday proved to be super productive with the kind of amazing work that was done in one day. Thankfully things run so smoothly like a blessing domestically as if Divinity magically removes any hindrances if any on my path. Help arrives in ways I can never even think about. I am happy to be open to this surge of positivity! That's the beauty of being an enlightened Guru's Disciple. As I ponder on various topics that my friend & I spoke about, about Spirituality, relationships, attachments, expectations, karma, payback , judgement in his studio, I now realize how beautifully gentle my own Guru has been in getting me out from any impact what so ever. The heaviness and the pressure felt was made aware of much later after I came out of the room filled with probabilities that might not have gone in my favor. I knew it right from the start about the impending trouble that might have occurred had I been fear based or without grace. I was well aware of the pressure, and knew possibilities of presence, however my soul guided me to stay put with conviction and confidence my Guruji has instilled in me. It wouldn't go wrong, my heart said. He had to open up his heart and let me know the on goings, my role was to be non judgemental, to listen with all my heart, to empathize and NOT ADVICE. I told him what my Guru says and his teachings. Not all but a part of what was relevant to the things he told me. He was mildly shocked, bit relieved , intrigued and shaken by a few things. Half baked knowledge is dangerous and can never give solace of wisdom from a realized master. I d love to elaborate the story that my friend shared some day. Just that I need it to simmer within and ripen until it takes form and shape on paper. Like wise is the story of a dear soul whom I spent time with towards the year end... That too needs to vent out. This time the stories may or may not come in form of not so tiny tales like last year or maybe they will. No anticipation.

I have to write stories about two doctor friends of mine. I am glad to have found a non fuss absolutely father figure in one of them. He is a friend first and a guardian later, his story might look plain but carries strong undercurrents of churning and evolution, The other Doctor is a childlike whirlwind, so dynamic , so intense and super emotional... There is a blossoming gym story branching at ever angle currently with respect to normal peeps, alpha males, oppressed females and liberated free spirits. No, the statement isn't one bit generic, I m glad I came across them and they opened up to me partially. I m curious to know how their story unfolds... Its enchanting to observe how intensely we feel compassion towards others lives when they share their tales with us!

As I sat today doing my morning riyaz and sadhana, my mind was flooded with those stories and people and I wonder why...? The fact that they surfaced at a most calm and quiet time proves that they need to be documented. 

As much as I treasure my solitude and love going solo, I have come to realize I am peoples person in a one on one setting. I have observed that I become very quiet and a bit in shell in a group. Any ways! There was a fresh whiff of air as my brother in law visited us last night from Dubai. Its warming when loved ones visit! I have come to liking people come over, 

Another long work day awaits. I have to keep my focus of a few things which I intend to do and get into action! Here I go.... 

Monday is here!

Finally that early morning Riyaz is finally happening after the longest wait ever! Since I have managed to get up early, this means that my day begins early and much more is achieved. I cannot believe its almost 8.15 now and I ve done with Riyaz Sadhana woken kanha made garam phulkas fed him and made him go to school bathed n dressed myself waiting for breakfast and after that I m planning to hit the gym early,,, I ve come to believe that as the day passes ahead gym becomes more challenging... Well the menu is set on the white board, washing machine loaded and planner set for the day. what more can a Monday ask for...Had gone in to this fabulous regional organic crop fest from the farmers from extreme interiors of Maharashtra. Amazed at the incredible quality of grains, pulses, cereals and nuts at extremely affordable prices. I was like kid in a candy shop since the healthy eating switch that happened a few years back. From there  I met a friend after a long time (almost a year I guess). He had pinged me earlier in the day asking me how I was doing and about my plans for the day. He was kind enough to pick me up from the venue and then we sat down at his studio chatting away for good 3 hours. I am happy that we took off from where we had left. So much had changed since then and He said its difficult to believe that I am the same one he met a few years back. I am happy to hear him say that since it just reaffirms the turning of a leaf even more! Happy for last evening. Just that I wish to continue to be praying for him more now. Hope He finds relief and light. Amen

Hair struggles in our lives

1) Conditioner and shampoo bottles get used up at varied timings... Always!
2) Good hair day and perfect pout lip color with additional gloss almost always coincide with a windy rickshaw ride where all we do is frantically close lips inwards and tightly  while tracing back the hair.
3) We find Bob pins when we search for safety pins and vice versa. We own 1 dozen packets but end up with none at the last moment...
4) In extreme summers in a moment of 'argh it is hot...I want to tie a high bun' we lose our last hair band and the wooly scrunchie lies wet on the bathroom floor!!!
5) Hair behave best when we are at our home in pyjamas and decides to go bonkers on date night or a festive function.
6) The cutest baby you enthusiastically picked up and the notorious aunt who is all touchy and feely always end up getting their hands in your well set hair! You have to appear smiling.
         As I sat in Bblunt getting my own hair done I was laughing out loud with such thoughts in my mind. Got  weird looks, nevertheless... All is well that ends well, spend a bomb to color treat and style those bangs but do have a good laugh while you swipe your card at the billing counter!

Jumping jacks!

It's funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different. I remember this quote from somewhere and wonder how adaptive are we to change. I guess the minute there is a change there is some kind of fear in everyone of us. This year though I was prepared to turn pages and open new tabs to things which are flowing out and making a difference in life... As I moved on some things and some people came gushing back to me like sticky candy. You know sticky candy is not good for you but many a times you end up having it anyway. I am glad I now keep the sticky candy in a small non stick bag with me and look at it from where I am and smile. I let it not lure or tempt me and not even spoil my fingers , but I keep it nevertheless as a constant reminder that yes there is a situation that I may get myself in which would be difficult to come clean off. Highly diabolical memories , fear and attachments are to be weaned off and fresh crisp new outlook is embraced, I am on lets do it mode. Today in gym I was bored of doing the same alternate day cardio on machines , so I said lets do something different. As a personal preference, I hate running and jumping. One thing at a time , I did 300 step ups and followed it by 400 jumping jacks. My target was 300 but I made sure I did 100 more because i had the energy. My personal target for the month is to be able to do 1000 jumping jacks in sets of 250 without break by January end. Seemingly  not easy, but I ll make it happen and how,.. simply by doing it. My cook decides to return and now I take her back on my terms. Mind is a very good slave but a worst master.... with that I sign off this noons entry. (with a short note to reduce my ginger tea from 2 huge mugs to normal one cup from tomorrrow) since i have already had two today!
I am so much in love with the idea of LOVE!

Monday happenings from the view of a learner

So yes, I managed to cook for the family (except phulkas which mom was kind enough to send)
Sustainable breakfast, one ussal, one bean curry, dal rice , kadi, coffee. tea, setting yogurt n stuff...
Thankfully my switching to homecooked clean eating has helped.
My staple food intake is permutation combination from the following list - Indian Breakfast, Eggs, Soup (from the scratch boil blits flavor and eat style with no straining) , Salad (right from indian kachumbar to lettuce and cheese with freshly made dressings), vegetable Juice (Carrot Beet) , Fruit (Banana) , Bhaji (all) and Yogurt, A cup of tea, A glass of milk with nut mix and Lots of water. Higher hunger is responded with some soaked almonds and dry fruit snack. Treats are homemade laddoos and sweet meats in limited quantities. This makes my life pretty much sorted considering I dont fall in the jhol of eating Roti , rice and the works!
Visual documentation of  anything assures I get consciously aware of my own feedback.
A milestone crossed in gym. Today I pushed 15 + 15 kg dumbbells in the last of the set on a recline and an incline bench. My sets were 9-10-12.5-15 on recline first and then incline later each set of 25 reps, This makes 200 reps on bench which is kickass for me.
I followed it by reverse press , upright, overhead, front, side , cable raises 3 sets of 25 each and peck deck 4 sets of 25 each which made it a mind blowing workout. (specially after the waking early and cooking, a little bit of stress and overwhelming added to it)
I couldn't get myself to sing and crashed on the bed for one hour after shower and woke up to type and do some more kitchen work.
phew it is going to take sometime before I become a Pro. Till then I will hang in there and keep Doing! Off for dance class. Hope this year treats me well!

Page Turns for a self proclaimed domestic goddess!

Its the official first workday of the new year. My trusted maid/cook left for a stable job near her place. I am left with a relatively mundane task of cooking everyday as a need vs mood. Nevertheless with the renewed vigor and energy I am going to go for it till i find a new one. One good change for this day is that Kanha cub is slowly getting independent, Learning to wipe his tush post potty and eats one meal per day on his own leaving me a tiny margin to write this post. I have decided to stop making excuses as far as possible with respect to eating, exercise, cooking, sadhana, music and teaching. Rest of the things will be taken care of. Small things like closing and making the kitchen spic and span before I call it a day has become a chore. It was done by the maid. Rofl , talk about how much I invested for being lazy. It may bring sense to my reckless living phases and bring a calming balance and so called 'theheraav' Small things that I find boring like shredding coconut , peeling garlic, making butter are mini milestones that need conquering and habituation. As I type this, my eyes are set on today's menu and voice practice which has to happen before I go and award myself a workout. When things that give me a high are turned to awards, I may overcome seemingly boring tasks seriously. Anything for THE THING THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE. Until next post (which I suspect may be in noon) I sign off...

Trust me...its real

People love the Full Moon Night, and I wonder why this bias? 

I believe my beauty has nothing to do with or without the presence of an attention seeker

Because I am deep , dark , mystic, romantic and cold

My body bejeweled with sparkling twinkle

I lit up my black, sprinkling it with crushed diamonds from near and far

Sky is my breath, and light my lover that I meld into & Horizon, my bed 

My home, this vast expansive infinitesimally non ending space 

There are strings attached, and forces too!

Some distant, some near, some attracting others crashing

I have mini affairs with other sources but return back to my light

He makes me feel home

I look on when a star dies , like cells in a live body and earthlings below...

Yes a black hole same color as mine and the same shade of grief...

Enlightens me about about this circle

Galaxies are distant families, planets from other solar systems relatives

Their suns, my fantasies... Some supernovas my flings...

I wonder why they came up with the term one night stand

I laugh aloud at the negative glory they embark upon my existence 

Standing or lying down, cherished memories happen,  also in broad day light...

Silly them...

Nevertheless I am happy taking the blame off my love for good...

People who come for star gazing are my favorites

They admire my ebony aesthetics and I gift them my best animation ever

Bring on the shooting starts, asteroids, comets and the works

They applaud, I smile...

flashing my constellations for people who know or pretend to

Yet I yearn to meet and dissolve in the day on our fixed date every time...

He is bright and handsome and motivates the mortals  

While I bring solace to the artists and the misfits

I behave differently with different beings

I flirt with Mars and Dominate Venus

Some places, I abandon them for long,

These earthlings may have burdened my lover 

With smoke and chemicals and particles that kill

I too am un glorified with thefts and wrongdoings of human mind

But we , He and I are divine entities and we don't judge 

We will show up on our turns and won't fail or budge

I fade my cool into his warm embrace 

While he comes crashing on my lap to feel the breeze and rest

he and me Romance personified from the beginning of time till the end 

Which may never come, we rejoice because here or there in this world or that

No matter what , only love is real, just love is real, trust me, love is real!!!

Dreams continue...

Yesterday my best girlfriend Luna Tai had come for a sleepover non ending talk session. I slept for sleeping sake but was vividly dreaming. I dreamt about an underground construction site full of bamboo stairs and step ups to go up and down. I also dreamt of a complete stranger and remember his name as Girish Kulkarni (not resembling to any Girish Kulkarni that I know of) and this stranger keeps following me at the construction site. I also saw that I am wearing heels and am finding it difficult to climb the flimsy bamboo makeshift stairways at the venue but at the same time I wondered why I wouldn't flung them off my feet in a jiffy (like I always do in a real life situation...) I also saw Kanha suddenly grown in body of a teenager but his face still baby like. I also saw my sister in law Mukta telling me it's normal for kids now a days to attain early puberty.
None of these events match nor make sense individually nor cohesively.
However it's important that I document them as a part of my journal.
Family returns back tomorrow so technically it's the last day of this year's solitude. What a blessing it's been. Amen to Now.

Weird dreams

Last few days have been encrusted with specifically out of the line dreams which I have failed to document but now I will and I must.

1)There was a dream where I found suddenly 5 infants living in my home and random objects moving like a cloth bag , a plastic cover , a storage box , a kitchen container , laundry bag... I near and look inside to find another toddler or kid or baby coming out... My house is filled with a couple of dozens of children and I wonder why....
2) There was a dream wherein I am at the boutique of a well-known brand of clothing specifically known for their brilliant sarees
I am looking at their mini dress collection and wondering why they suddenly started doing one piece collection. I found a young girl looking at the clothes besides me in the boutique telling me in hushed tones that she has just come here to get inspired and is going to copy their style material and pattern to get the same pieces cheaper in price. I was calm when I heard her (not surprised)
3) In this dream I go to meet my childhood friend Sweta who in the dream is pregnant with her second child and is in labor. I am at an get together to which she suddenly turns up saying they have Cancelled the delivery because they aren't in mood. Gosh... The statement itself is hilarious and yet I am holding her baby at the next instant and wondering how did the baby turn up in my arms . Very weird dream.

I had to document these since I had a revelation of sorts with respect to people their addictions, baggage and attachments. I have kept meeting some fabulous old and new friends in the last couple of days thinking and feeling grateful to divinity for having make me come across them.

It's almost the last week (weekend) of the year and I am contemplating introspecting and thanking everything and everyone
I hope I get the strength to absorb the positivity keep creating and feeling inspired and acknowledge, recognise  and keep any negativity at bay. Having said that , my solo 9 days are blissfully centering and blessed by solitude.
So far going great!

Day 17 - FB exile end

This is the dawn of the last day of FB exile and I am eager to log in tomorrow to see a familiarly unfamiliar world. :)

Day 16 - FB exile

Finally another day to go for the 17 day final exile to come to an end on the 23 rd
I will be revisiting FB on 24 th. Its way past midnight and I am awake and pondering over many things. Of what it has taught me, given me or taken away? Actually nothing has changed but it's a wake up call to consider my time as precious and use it wisely. I want to be able to be fully aware and conscious about what is happening inside and out... I am thankful for this day for being fruitful and a happy too...
Firstly it was a matter of great pride and reassurance to see Kanha dancing so well in the Christmas carnival at his school. Then I think I did something impossible...  I went to the gym dispite the fact that we had woken up early and were sleepy. Came back to a healthy meal , Kanha's feeding and a 10 min nap and woke up to clear mess in the house since maids didn't arrive. Then woke Kanha up fed him his evening meal n send him to play untill which I packed their bags made coffee for Kanha and did the laundry. After they left for their flight I cooked upma watched TV and Chromecast chatted And now calling it a day!
I feel happy and satisfied about today. I feel I am blessed.
Amen

Day 15 - FB exile

I was immensely sleepy but woke up with a teeth grinding sound. Kanha cub's first milk tooth is about to fall off and hence the sound. It was spookily un-nerving. I felt guilty of having spanked him for throwing off a morsel of food from my hand. His tantrums and my temper will need more management henceforth. I must bring more ease and less technology around myself when he is around. I have realised that I ignore him if I am talking to someone over the phone or chatting on whatsapp. I must reduce and start focussing on one thing at a time. Why do I do the circus of feeding him while typing when the T.v. is also on. No need to multitask - note to self.
I lost my temper at mom for a domestic matter.
The reason was a coagulation of frustration because my trustworthy kitchen manager is leaving for good. For a job near to her. What upset me that in spite of paying her 10k for 3 hours of work , she isn't ready to stay back. I wonder if I can even retain her with 12k since she told me her expectations are 15k. For 3 hours of cooking and kitchen management is ridiculous. But it's a matter of habituation trust and confort. If I go to calculate 500 per day comes roughly upto say Rs.140 per hour of labor which is okay and I must see the big picture.
If I can spend 12k on my hair treatment at B blunt or use a 1700 worth Body splash from Body shop or use a 1600 cream from forest essentials and also spend 800 per hour on Kanha's therapy plus pay close to 60k per month for his education then why do I think twice or thrice about a few thousands per month to a  maid. Mind knows , heart doesn't agree. Everybody tells me that I can maybe get 3 maids in 15k rather or a full time one in 12k. I must decide and take plunge if need be.
It's like my whole world depends on it... Like, really? Lol... Hell no.... Who knows, I might really turn out to be India's answer to No ;)
I haven't wished Mom and Dad on their 35th year wedding anniversary. I am stating facts without attaching feelings to it. One may choose to say certain things or note down for reference , rememberence or pure documentation. There are no positive or negative feelings attached to the above fact.
I spoke to a few close friends over the phone about Music , life, philosophy and general What's up in each others life.
Also received the delivery of a fresh batch of zingy sauces and fiery wok mixes for impromptu cooking. I rearranged my herb basket and refilled the fresh produce
Yesterday was iceberg lettuce olives tomato onion with sweet chilli and siriacha dressing
With Broccoli tomato beet soup.
Today was Cottage cheese, olives , basil, sultanas , tomato onion , dry oregano and peri peri with English mustard dressing With Oyster mushroom and spinach soup.
Winter is getting exciting food wise.
New experiments await. I love the happenings in the kitchen at the same time I am nervous about the cook. God save me and remove me from this misery. Like Dear AD says, it's the monkey in the head that's miserable, not you. I must learn I must grow for good. It's almost 2 am and I am typing away in half sleep. I must also mention about some videos that I watched on YouTube. They were about Teens turning into parents, about cosmetic surgery and look manipulation , augmentation of body and enhancement of features gone from right to left extremes.
I also saw videos about Transgender world where I watched the interview of Buck angel a transgender pornstar, born a woman turned into a man with a vagina.
Gosh! no one would believe he has a female sex organ , he looks that manly. Balian buschman originally a woman athlete operated to be a man and now celebrity transgender reformer and speaker has had the penile implant.
Men looking better than what men could ever possibly look and over whom any woman would fall for...
Born as a woman!!! Why?
Why would they choose this for themselves in their blueprint ?
What are their lessons?
What experience do they seek
Such hot hot guys...I read something interesting in an article...It says that we are reborn many times...Often of the same gender.   Then when it's time to change genders, we are born for three or four births as transgenders or homosexuals as we get used to Opposite gender....
And it says that therefore at any given time on earth 5 to 10 percent people are gay or Transgender or lesbians ...As they slowly get used to changing sex.  And are always misunderstood and condemned by the rest of the world.
It really opened my eyes to the existence of these people.
Also realising that one day in some life we too will be them.
Having said that I feel completely focused and confident of my feminine side and wouldn't want it any other way than being a woman atleast in this lifetime. Well for next, I trust my higher self to take the right decision. Signing off...
Curious bird.

Day 14 - FB exile

They say we have our own moments of weakness and victory. No one is spared. Unless we choose to make them learning moments and move on. Moving on and letting go has been the vibe since the last few days and more so in an increasing graph of sorts. Old energy , stagnated beliefs , people who drain you, people who put their garbage dump on you, people who are bored , everything and anything which gives a sense of non belonging needs to go, get off and discarded. New year is meant to be a new page and a new leaf turned. Why hold on to a frail connect which might have a better future if it shrivelled and fell to ground. Chances are that new associations would bring an air of freshness. Not letting go needs huge unlearning. Why the idea of comfort of an old tie threaten us into an idea of discomfort just in anticipation of what could it be without it. Well, for all we could know it would really mean we move a notch higher for good. Why not embrace what's new and fresh and be open to working with it. Threats don't work in the positive world nor does fear. Recycle Renew Refresh Reinvent Revolutionise Recognise Reform Rejoice Rewire
I am going to let it flow. I believe that I am meant to be guided well. I trust the Divine.
- God's child

Day 13 - FB exile

Yesterday had a gorgeous evening with my dear friend AD at the organic Gourmet food festival at the Sofitel lawn. Amazing dips, trail mixes, home made sauces, fresh seasonings , jams, honey, breads, wine, teas, infusions , ceramics, cruelty free make up, all things pretty, wooden frames, cold pressed Juices and yum stalls all unified under one title Eating and good life. And then there was ambient lighting, cool evening breeze, well dressed people with elegant tastes and live guitar playing. How better can it get! I had the best time , tummy full and heart filled with glee.
I am so glad I went and returned full of jolly good energy and the taste of amazing hummus and jasmine blend on my tongue. What a life. Today too I made it up a notch higher than yesterday by getting up half an hour early. I aspire to get this time preponed so that I get good two hours before I begin my day... So much to write but I am sleepy. So night night...

Day 12 - FB exile

I am zoned out today. Since yesterday. We had to drop Kanha for a birthday party yesterday at Santacruz West. We planned to drop him and catch up with each other over a coffee (which I don't drink) or some snacks. So husband took me to Theobroma near 15 th road. It's much unlike the pretty n quaint one near the town side. This one is crowded and busy and the temperature and the lighting is all wrong. For me personally ambience matters as much as the food. Firstly I am not much of a bakery person and then again I hate where there is no connect between people who talk due to too much noise and crowd. The Tomato , sundried tomato and goats cheese sandwich I ordered was Yum yum yum... The rum n raisin browny was overtly sweet to my taste.
Husband ate chicken mayo roll (white bread) , super sugary hot chocolate and also red velvet the cup cake (which was good)
During eating our conversation headed to how I have a secret dream of hosting a Food show like Nigella Lawson to which Husband said if I did I'd look like Rakhi Sawant. ( I have been compared to her another time as well which I happen to remember) To which I didn't react. I smiled. A smile is a response and not a reaction. I don't let non positive things brew inside , so blogging about it is a way of venting out. I may choose to say that it hasn't affected me in noticeable ways. But somewhere I am concerned about how some people visualise other people. I am at a stage where I am at peace with my own self and at complete satisfaction with my health and happiness. I love the way my life is working out and super happy about my journey of learning.
I am no one to judge Himanshu , Rakhi Sawant, Nigella Lawson nor myself for anything.
We are on our respective journeys.
Just that, some statements stay with us for life. Much like glass markers permanently etched meant to stay for good. (Our picture of the café titled surprise date with wife is getting close to a couple of hundred likes on Facebook he says. I am happy to hear this.)
Love is what I want to feel give receive and spread. And I am going to be doing just that.
Amen
- Bird who doesn't yet know it's free...

Day 11 - FB exile

It's already past 10 days and I don't believe that I have made through more than half the estimated exile. I happened to attend a concert yesterday evening and loved only one performer in it. She was the youngest and quickest dusky grace that lit the stage on fire. It had other two performers who were seriously mediocre in presentation specially so in front of the dance goddess that I loved watching. Happy to have seen an act so perfected and brilliant after a long time. I hope to watch more of her and experience the magic of art unravel on stage. Not taking names keeps ambiguity afloat as well as curiousity up.
So far so good.
Free bird.

Day 10 - FB exile

Ahh... Yesterday got to me. Got so busy in doing stuff and managing things that I had no energy to type a post by 12.15 am when I returned back to bed. Even today it's been crazy since morning. I am on a cleaning spree. I would however like to note that while doing stuff recently I try and multitask by putting up some interesting motivational inspiring video on YouTube and put on my wireless my ear phones. I like to own my time and royally. One thing I am learning for good is not having to justify actions that give me heartfelt happiness or joy. I am glad I called in my new friend home and He and I had such a fabulously deeply reassuring , inspirational conversation. I am touched by the warmth and the mirth that he exuded and I consider a blessing having him around. And for a fact that if  someone's company gives such positivity, if I can be myself and not get conscious that's a sure shot sign that the person is for keeps.
I am going to value a few good souls I am coming across and enjoy their presence and our experience till it is destined to last. I am not going to owe an explanation to anyone as to why I want to meet and talk to a certain person and listen to lectures about leading my life on someone else's terms.
Facebook exile happened for good maybe something nice is going to come my way... But not being a puppet in someone else's hands is a personal choice.
I feel empowered and this feeling is worth a celebration.
I am discarding any staleness or impending sluggish energies around. Choosing to stay away from negativity and am going to go ahead and keep living my life and making it happen. Hell with people with baggage. If you wanna rock I ll give you a hand and let's party. I am certainly not going to be a part of anyone's sulk game...
Life's looking up.
I am here to stay and smile.
Signing off
Free bird.

Day 9 - FB exile

Another day full of smooth events. Today was special not only because the Leg and bicep day @gym coincided with the day Uno of menstrual cycle, but also for the fact that I did not let that deter my enthusiasm or efforts in completing the pre planned workout. So it was 400 full throttle squats along with a hundred each of leg press, calves, hamstrings, glutes, bicep curls, bench curls, hammer curls, single arm concentration, bench biceps done to the T and as per the instructions of my Trainer. I didn't crib at all though I was a bit irritated at the blasting speakers and A.C. temperature  inside. My smart trainer sensed my irritating and switched off the speakers and took me out in the open for the rest of the workout.
I am on the top of the world for mixing a fab bowl of Iceberg Olive tomato and onion salad with minimum dressing and a cheese slice which turned out to be brilliant.  What a fab lunch. This was preceded by the fabulous Gond Laddu by my Granny. My noon was made. Caught up on a few winks around 10 mins of quick nap. Kanha came from school in a good mood , fed him and made some kadak adrak wali chai for myself and granny. Post that went out to fetch some veggies and get some fresh air. On my way back played with Kanha and other building kids in our play area. Came home to meditate , chant and get centred after I lit the ghee lamp and the dhoop making the most of the evening. Had a bowl of fresh Tuwar curry and Yogurt (full of protein)
Added on a face mask and a DIY cream massage while watching some inspiring YouTube videos on chromecast. Now popped my calcium , freshened, cleaned, brushed and dressed for bed I have husbandjis plate ready and served in the kitchen platform. His night dress ready on the couch. I hope he returns before midnight and catches on some sleep since it's a big day tomorrow. We have our first ever open day for Kanha cub in his school.
All well for today. I will do one more thing before I sleep. Connect with Guruji , write to him and then call it a day.
Ciao...
Singing Bird.