Silence is back in town
I come to know of it by an anticipatory breathless gasp I hear from around
Yes, back and how? Just for a while, to place a semicolon amidst long space bars of blanks...
Just before it leaps to an exponential jump to another time and place...
I wonder if it knows its own journey for I understand its futile to speculate
Between long pauses of uncertain conversations it abandons me for a while long enough to miss it
But just not much so as to help me get used to living without it
Sweetly brutal phases of something I long for
I had decided to not miss it
I was determined to live beyond memories and adulations of romancing something I can't have
In addition to that I am so sure that Silence is completely love with itself and So am I
Two people who put themselves first and always so can never be attached was my idea
But I failed miserably this time... maybe like always...
I missed it dearly and yearned for a meet with it...
Even a brief encounter would do.
At a local place, social set up, public venue or even at someplace close , maybe close enough...
I am recurrently reminded of the gaps that it filled in the past , right upto the brim...
But just until it was about to spill... But never did it drip a droplet below...
Full was an idea any laywomen would cherish, however I needed complete, but I never asked for it...
I could never have, since that meant I had to tie it with a string of expectations
And I have claimed to be a nonstick vessel with a liberated soul
So much for a human ego that I could never even bent down to tell Silence that I was in love
And even if it was one of those love in phases or love to be forgotten or love to die a slow death,
It was LOVE or maybe still is for heaven's sake
I convinced myself that I had no selfish motives and I would be the first one to confess
I believed that Surrendering came naturally to me since spirituality happened
Then why the suspense and now why this guilt trip?
I may have let myself down by getting deceived by a self mask
Maybe Silence has gone
Silence doesn't love me
Maybe Silence is a bitter truth
Silence is unattached
Maybe Silence doesn't need me as much as I need it
Silence is old, elder , wise and experienced
Maybe I am too noisy
I need to grow up...
I am missing it deep down and still am adamant about not letting it know...
Silence must not turn into noise
It may come to me as sound
I may search for it in Music too
but, It resides in none...
I will wait...
I will learn to listen...
FOOTNOTES
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Attachment doesn't work
It never is supposed to work
Attachment to kids parents partners lovers spouses friends relations money fame popularity youth health life death any material or platonic hypothesis brings pain
Attachments -> expectations -> pain
Gentle loving concern, good will and unconditional acceptance will win even the most challenging quirks in life...
Just a thought of pleasant pat on my back as I got over one Fear at this very moment...
Feeling weak is okay , to emerge a winner gives a fabulous high....
I felt hung up on a certain thing and thought I would attach myself there....
But no.... Great distraction at a crucial time worked wonders!
Foot notes for a conspiring inspiration seeker is to keep creating stuff and shit and not give a fuck to whether people would judge...
Eventually after a while some stuff is called shit and some deep shit is called great stuff....
It's important to keep expressing...
Catharsis or not, let it flow to keep it flowing is the rule...
No inhibitions
No barriers
No masks
It's important to feel,
inevitable to deal,
Eventually time will heal ...
- amen to experience!
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