The previous freeverse has eased me .... I feel better....
I have been trying to make Kanha learn feeding himself for quite some time now.... One hour down and a bowl of dal rice that has gone cold , my patience deserves a NOBEL...Parenting can be tough, I have juggled to the point of breakage a humongous task of having Kanha at home and fitting in studio classes gym session singing rehearsal and home front... I had to get work done till there were ppl to look after him at home in the morning... Himanshu left for lonavala early in the morning... that meant incessant alarms till he wakes up and I am shaken out of sleep. Then hius hustle bustle in and out of the bedroom frantically searching for stuff... the garbage man, the cook all turn up early when I needed to sleep just for a few more minutes... I was not as strong as my usual self while doing legs and triceps plus I had a time crunch so Vinod Sir was considerate and spared the hardcore stuff for some other day. Rushed home for studio class, Rehearsal thankfully at home while I bathed fed read to played with kanha in my breaks.... Noon he lost it , threw a fit and Blasted a full fledged tantrum. I dont hit, because its against my principals but Himanshu wants me to, thats the easier way... Viloence leads to violence.... nope ....there are words like Discipline , Anushasan, Tameez shot over me at gunpoint by my own parents.... phew.... I have to do it my way.... I let him wail it out for an hour. I guess kids have some unknown stressors they might have gathered throughout the week that come up in the form of tantrums and then get flushed out by tears. He was better after 60 minutes of cry therapy. So either give in to irrational demands or work my way through patience.... (deep down I was scared as a human to keep my calm and straight face to let him cry ) but explaination and talking wouldnt help.... He tried everything, voice, violence and surrender.... the last part worked as he returned to sleep in my arms in noon. By then my sleep had gone for a toss. My body was again cranky but my heart filled with delight as I sailed through a tough morning and noon. Now as I juggle my evening riyaz while I keep him entertained in non technology ways, I couldnt help from venting it out here....
I know I am not a mommy material at all since I am still in a 'chill maa', 'take a chill pill mom' mode myself.... But I wouldnt have known that I am not a mommy material until I became one. As totally unattached as I am to him and to anyone on this earth. I aspire myself detaching from myself as now.... If I can achieve even an iota of that my life is set.
Self absorbed , self consious, self observant... How did I become this? I am nothing in this huge brilliant world but however a part of me makes this very world is a wonderful thought to ponder upon...
I have been trying to make Kanha learn feeding himself for quite some time now.... One hour down and a bowl of dal rice that has gone cold , my patience deserves a NOBEL...Parenting can be tough, I have juggled to the point of breakage a humongous task of having Kanha at home and fitting in studio classes gym session singing rehearsal and home front... I had to get work done till there were ppl to look after him at home in the morning... Himanshu left for lonavala early in the morning... that meant incessant alarms till he wakes up and I am shaken out of sleep. Then hius hustle bustle in and out of the bedroom frantically searching for stuff... the garbage man, the cook all turn up early when I needed to sleep just for a few more minutes... I was not as strong as my usual self while doing legs and triceps plus I had a time crunch so Vinod Sir was considerate and spared the hardcore stuff for some other day. Rushed home for studio class, Rehearsal thankfully at home while I bathed fed read to played with kanha in my breaks.... Noon he lost it , threw a fit and Blasted a full fledged tantrum. I dont hit, because its against my principals but Himanshu wants me to, thats the easier way... Viloence leads to violence.... nope ....there are words like Discipline , Anushasan, Tameez shot over me at gunpoint by my own parents.... phew.... I have to do it my way.... I let him wail it out for an hour. I guess kids have some unknown stressors they might have gathered throughout the week that come up in the form of tantrums and then get flushed out by tears. He was better after 60 minutes of cry therapy. So either give in to irrational demands or work my way through patience.... (deep down I was scared as a human to keep my calm and straight face to let him cry ) but explaination and talking wouldnt help.... He tried everything, voice, violence and surrender.... the last part worked as he returned to sleep in my arms in noon. By then my sleep had gone for a toss. My body was again cranky but my heart filled with delight as I sailed through a tough morning and noon. Now as I juggle my evening riyaz while I keep him entertained in non technology ways, I couldnt help from venting it out here....
I know I am not a mommy material at all since I am still in a 'chill maa', 'take a chill pill mom' mode myself.... But I wouldnt have known that I am not a mommy material until I became one. As totally unattached as I am to him and to anyone on this earth. I aspire myself detaching from myself as now.... If I can achieve even an iota of that my life is set.
Self absorbed , self consious, self observant... How did I become this? I am nothing in this huge brilliant world but however a part of me makes this very world is a wonderful thought to ponder upon...
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