My Guruji has highlighted the point of accepting change as a huge part of evolving spiritually in his recent talk. This made me ponder over what changed... To my surprise I ve loved the game of chucking off useless nervousness bouts by mentally saying a few things like
'How does it matter?'
'Atleast give it a try...'
'**** it, let's do it'
'Hell with everyone else if it feels right, go with it'
Eg.A few years back.... I hid in oodles of clothes feeling conscious at the cost of it coming in the way of my training... Lose fitting trousers and over sized tees meant I would never see if my form was correct and if I felt tight and toned after a session... I stopped that...
The day I invested in the right gear I loved the joy looking the part and feeling everything a workout had to offer... Looking great validated the fact that I wanted more of it and was ready to put it more efforts...
Just yesterday I wore a crop top anticipating a cardio session... On reaching the gym trainer declared we would do hard core functional training and no machines
I had to jump kick and squat and bend and do burpees and mountain climbers.
I went into a nervous spiral down thinking my midriff and my waist would show and I got conscious.
Just then my conscious said **** it just do it. Crop top or not midriff or back whatever shows or hides or is seen what matters is your effort and Who is watching doesn't matter
The trainer is like a doctor knowing every inch of fat or muscle under the subcutaneous layers....
The minute the fear of judgement disappeared I became free of nervousness and had a fabulous workout.
Once while running on an incline my Capri tights rolled down my butt in a gym full of people. Imagine that happening. I was in full speed running and couldn't have done anything but pull them up and keep going taking care that it doesn't happen again. And even if it did it was a calculated risk... Faux pax happens to everybody
Had this happened to me a few years back as at a unisex timing the gym I would have ran off never to return again... But things are different now.
I realised I needed to get way more confident and comfortable of what I have and in my skin.
I would never have thought of going out of my comfort zone ever a few years back. Going out for social events , speaking out in public expressing myself without any fear would be extremely difficult.
I wonder where these inherent fears came from.
But what's past is past. Today there is a different picture and I am happy to see what I look at.
Self love is extremely underrated. I was warned ridiculed and judged because I put up a few pics of mine which weren't upto the societal conditioning of my parents. I didn't back answer though I maintained my stance and posted what I wanted. This lead to a sense of liberation underlined with a bold line of taking full responsibility for my actions.
That night I was questioned and taunted with sarcasm for having a late night out and because I stayed at a coffee shop late and chatting just because I wanted to and there was so much to share and there wasn't a need for me to be present in the house really. As far as safety is concerned, anything can really happen anywhere . Why live in fear? Why not spend time with a friend who helps you grow ? Why not invest in yourself and people who add value to your life? Who is answerable to whom? All questions have case specific tweeked and manipulated answers...
I am headstrong on living my life on my terms.
Yes I have a family , yes I am a responsible mother partner daughter (in-law) etc. But above all I am a human first. My first commitment and first love will always be MYSELF.
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