Thinking about fears and philosophy has made me realize that the more I think about it than do anything about it the more stagnated I become. Breaking of walls around me will create many first times for not just me but for some very close people around me. Like I was raised by instilling unknown fears about what could go wrong instead of reassurance of what could go right. Though I did have fun (i had to rebel for it) in my younger years. But now when Independence was realized and I was responsible for utilizing my freedom for growth there were challenges. Having raised in a conservative atmosphere I waited for 10 years to start reinventing my dressing style though initially with an undertone of judgement. There were eyebrows raised, there were questions and there were mild controversies around the people who thought they had a say to how I must appear in public. Off shoulder , cleavage, pouts , posing, red lips were all cultural shocks to the people back home. I so wanted and so I did. Forget about objectifying imagery , adultery, remarks, facing in-laws , being labelled - the only thing on my mind was, to do what I really want to do and be what I wanted to be.
Like how it shocked the hell out of my maternal biological link knowing that I drank when I wanted and to accept that offsprings raised in a non spirited surrounding can turn into social drinkers... The fact that alcohol never excites me and if it ever did I would go for it. Doesn't this apply to so many other things in life? I almost peed in my pants a year back when a body builder came along to greet me and talk to me in the gym. Why??? I had everything that could have made me have a sane conversation to a timid gentle man or an intimidating looking pumped up human, physical attributes were nothing that could come in between communication. But I did feel the pressure I had to gather courage to respond. I reacted first by raising my guards. A year back I answered to him in monosyllables , today I have long chats with him after we workout and discuss nutrition and crack a joke.... how lovely is that. A year back I anticipated his loud voice and humongous body to have rowdy undertones. My bad I judged. Now I don't. Even then I would say that there is still some shell that needs to be cracked. I cant start up a conversation with lovely cabbies. I cant say hi to my andawala if his cycle passes my way. I cant initiate a conversation. I can only participate if the party in front starts first. Long way to go. But now for this year NO FEAR , FEAR NOT, FEARLESSNESS will be the way to go...
P.S. We were discussing the importance of positive reinforcement and complimenting people. Hubby says its to personal to compliment anyone on their perfume. Hell, I d rather let the person know that he smells great than regret not saying it. It would break Ice make him feel good and me warmer... apart from that I like and I say what I like.... as simple as that. I would never in my wildest dreams go up to any person who needs a deo and say YOU STINK , Start using a good antiperspirant - Thats a helluva different level for me to achieve. lol... I do compliment people on attributes that they are not born with, eg. something which they chose for themselves. I d rather compliment on their talent than their physical features first. anyways... Long day ahead.... bbye for now!
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