Isssshhh...

OMG!!!

just out of bed...

:D

प्रेमात पडण्यासाठी

डोकं लागत नाही

कि नोटांच्या बंडलाचं

खोकं लागत नाही

लागतो वेडेपणा

बेहत्तर फसण्याचा

तरीही

त्याच्याकरता तिने

आयुष्यभर असण्याचा

4

शब्दांचे झाले झुले

कविता त्यातून फुले

दुख ज्याला सले

त्याचे त्यालाच कळे...

Thoughts...

गंध हवा हि धुंद दरवळला सुगंध आठवांचा आठवला मज तो क्षण , तो तू नी ती मी हि ... जेव्हा पडला विसर सारा ... शहारलास तू मोहरले मी नी बहरलो दोघे आपण ... मनावर कोरलेली आठवण जाऊदे न .... जड शब्द न वापरता एवढेच सांगते कि ... वेड लागले होते ...

भूमिका

आयुष्यातली स्थित्यंतरं खरतर खूप असतात , पण काही फार वाट पाहायला लावतात , परीक्षा घेतात नी मोठं करून जातात ... आपल्या माणसाला क्षमा करायला फक्त एक विचार करावा लागतो . आपण तर बऱ्याच वेळा स्वतःला माफ करत नाही , मग दुसऱ्याचं सोडाच .... आपण कधी कधी मग सुडाच्या भावनेने त्यांच्या परीक्षा बघतो , त्यांना टोमणे मारतो , वाट्टेल तसा वागतो आणि त्यांचा जीवन अवघड करून टाकतो , तरीही ती माणसा , आपल्यावर प्रेम करत राहतात आपल्यासाठी सोसत राहतात आपल्याकरता सहन करतात आणि आपल्याला सर्व काही देत राहतात . ह्या देण्यात काय असता ? प्रेम , वेळ , मानसिक गुंतवणूक , कष्ट सर्व काही ....... इतका सगळा देऊनही आपण पूर्वी काही घडलेला असता ते धरून बसतो आणि स्वतःला कित्ती मोठ्या आनंद पासून मुकावतो .... त्या माणसाचा patience कधीच ढळणार नसतो , कारण त्याची चूक त्याच्या लक्षात येऊन तो अन्ताक्लारानानी बदलून आपल्यावर जीव ओवाळून टाकत असतो .... पुन आपण आपले तसेच , कोरडे ..... विमुक्त , रुक्ष ... ती व्यक्ती रोज रडते , तिला त्रास होतो , त्या व्यक्ती ला आपण पूर्णपणे दुर्लक्षित करतो .... बर्याचदा त्या व्यक्तीच्या स्वत्वावर आपण घाला घालतो .... घालून पडून बोलतो , वाईट वागतो , पुन ती व्यक्ती आपल्यावर प्रेम करत राहते . हे असं का ? हे असं होणं कधी थांबतं मग ? हे असं का होतं? हे असं सगळ्यांबरोबर होतं का ?

तो आला

तो परत आला , ह्या वेळेस वेगळ्या प्रकारे .... मित्र म्हणूनच , पण काहीसा वेगळा .... त्याच्या नसण्यातून असलेली स्थितप्रद्न्यता जाणवली .... आता त्याच्या येण्याने त्याची अलिप्त गुंतवणूक , मैत्रीतही अन अस्तित्वातही . निरपेक्ष जवाबदारी जर आयुष्यात कधी जाणवली असेल तर कळेल माझं म्हणणं . मग ते दररोजचा कार्यक्रम असो किवा आलेला चांगला वाईट अनुभव असो, कि दारूची तल्लफ असो .... सर्व काही निमूट , सदैव , नियमित नि सुरळीत .... मैत्रीतला innocence ani non-judgemental attitude कित्ती महत्वाचा असतो हे अनुभवल्यावाचून न कळण्याच सामर्थ्य नि विचार त्यानेच नकळत मनात पेरला .... हि कोणीतरी दूरवर 'असण्याची ' शिदोरी तत्काळ संपेल कि पुरून उरेल ह्याची परवा न करण्यात बेफिकारी नाही ..... एक विश्वास आहे . काय माहित , काही कैक वर्षांनंतर हा दुवा आमच्या आत्मचरित्राचा एक छान खास chapter बनेल . अशी अपेक्षा नाही , hope सुद्धा नाही ..... एक संभावना आहे . बरं मी काही उठून विशेच त्याच्या बद्दल लिहाव अस काय special ? कि ते special नाही म्हणून लेखी नोंद ठेवावी ...? तर तस काहीच नाही . केवळ दखल म्हणून नाही तर मनापासून वाटता म्हणून हे लिहिल ..... मग भले ते त्याचा दारू पिणं असू देत नाहीतर recently coincidently माझी 'दारू ' ह्या विषयावरची ठाम मत असू देत . हा विरोधाभास महत्वाचा , मज्जेचा नि खास स्वतःचा आहे ..... हे गोड आहे , निरागस आहे , आमच आहे नि हव हवस आहे .... हे मैत्र आहे .... आता हा प्रवास निरव नि शांतपणे आत धडधडत राहील .... जिवंतपणे .... निरंतर ..... अनुभावानुरूप ..... श्रीमंत करत.... माझ्यासाठी ....

Gift of love...

I am literally spoiled by my love who gifted me an annual subscription to Vogue. There r people who r well aware of high life and ultra luxury elegant but mindless reading stuff. Most fashion magazines fit the bill but Vogue is a trend setting mag, one who preaches the fashioniastas the dos and donts of style. The success stories of the iconic gorgeous gods and goddess along with the who's who of the glam world... uber chic and revolutionizing stories of walking talking sleeping eating drinking and living beauty... its all about crisp modernism with soft contemporary tactile of ethereal classics... all together in a smooth gloss package called VOGUE... Thanks Love!

बाऊ...

पानांची सळसळ

मनाची हळहळ

हृदयाची तळमळ

पोटातली मळमळ

जाऊदे ना,

प्रेमात पडल्यावर...

एवढा काय बाऊ करायचा?

सारा सार

कारभार टाळक्याचा

आता उरला ना फार

खीळ मनालाही बसे

आता सोसावे ना भार

आयुष्याची स्थित्यंतरं

नात्यातले मध्यंतर

जीव तुटे निरंतर

नसे त्याला गत्यंतर

उब आता गारगार

त्रास होई फारफार

कळे न हा कारभार

नशिबाचा फेरफार

दिस जातील हे चार

देव उघडेल दार

काही काळ खाल्ला मार

जगण्याचा कळला सार

सुखी आयुष्य जगण्यासाठी आदिमानवाचा जन्म मिळण्याच भाग्यं लागतं

भाषा परकी असली, तरी भावना ओळखीच्या असल्यानेच जागतिक स्थित्यंतरं घडली ...

शोध

आयुष्यातला सगळ्यात मोठ्ठा धक्का

स्वतःच्या पलंगावर बाजूलाच सापडल्याने

आता झोप आली असली

तरी उठावसं वाटत नाहीये...

At the Blink of an eye... (chapters from life)

1.) Silver spoon and a bed of roses

2.) You are the world

3.) Pressure Cooker

4.) Carvings and cravings

5.) Blockbuster Hit

6.) Rose Tinted Glasses

7.) Thunderstorm

8.) Rains

9.) Passionate green sigh

10.)End of the new start... Begining of the new end...

Eastern Charm of Bandra...

Happened to visit The Nadbramha mandir of Sharada Sangeet Vidyalaya at Kalanagar, Bandra (east). I ve been there numerous times...yet each time it feels new...better...peaceful... The stark contrast of the tension created by the top security around Balasaheb Thackrey's bunglow which shares its compound wall with the Mandir and the palatial tranquil of the Nadbramha vaastu entice me. Off I go from a highway hustle bustle to a world full of green green trees...chirping birds, beautiful bunglows, et al. The fact that the area is called Kalanagar intriguingly justifies the people who live here.

Here we have Sahitya Sahawas a colony of legendary authors in marathi literature along with bunglows of renowed directors and creative poeple...with the famous MIG club and ofcourse The Sharada Sangeet Vidyalaya. Every place has a scent of its own.... This area smells of some classic aromas. A heady mix of old pages mixed with earthy fragrance.... This lends to the chast aura.

As I entered the premises of the Vidyalaya I couldn't take my eyes off the magnificantly huge Statues of Goddess Saraswati along with lord Krishna and Ganesh... all resplendent in limpid clear marble... Garlands of frshest of flowers adorning their necks and their feet covered with rose petals... A mild fragrance of incense sticks mixed with the aroma of flowers. A huge 'samayi' lighted in front with incandescent 'jyot' standing tall lending its irresitable charm to the mandir. As you climb the stairs which are 30 in number and around tow long verandas wide you cannot help but stumble a step or two for you get enthralled in the atmosphere you are pulled in.

The arrangement of the Vidyalaya is such that you have to take the 'darshan' of these gods before you enter any of the floors. You remove your footwear at the gate (black stone stands made for the same) climb the stairs, tinkle the bells, join your hands, pray, have the 'prasadam' and then go inside. What a great way to start your education in art. Inside there are various halls and classrooms teaching instrumental and vocal music and various forms of indian classical dancing. I could go on and on about this place, but you have to see it to believe it... Its truely....nadbramha!!!

'Bramha' is the Spiritual energy, the god also known as knowledge... the creator...'Nada' is indivisible 'ananda' or supreme joy... 'Na' is 'vayu' or air and 'Da' is 'agni' or fire. when combined together these produce sound... called 'Nada' which the root of 'Pranava' or 'Om'.Like a jewel and its radiance are inseparable, if you try to discover the source of radiance you get the jewel itself...so are 'Nada' and 'Bramha'

Bond killers.

Men respond in a different way than women in the way they communicate. Isnt it important to give and equally important to know when to pull back? I am young...youth has agression of its own! many of my girlfriends tend to get clingy and i v observed that their need for excessive communication drains their relationships. Hell is cast when ever an unassuming poor fellow is bombarded with the king of all statements, 'honey, we need to talk.' This 'need' to discuss some issues is such a pathetic old way to blackmail men that its now considered a taboo in most fresh alliances(most of my male friends agree). Its so important to let yourself be missed and to miss someone!

I am intense when i work on something. I am driven by feelings and sensitivities. In my experience, the other person actually seeks u out if he really cares. Excessive giving and expecting in return plus holding on tight can b claustrophobic. We exploit the situation...we always play to win, dont we? Y do v forget to just be...? Y does our time always starts NOW?

Standing the test of time and distance, firmer than ever before....is all crap. It will workout if only u want it to.... nothing else will help. There has to be a genuine need from both sides! Also a desire for togetherness... Impositions, demands... seldom work. I ve had many a memorable instances of super telepathic connections with my loved ones. Its absolutely enriching and reassuring to b with such people.

Visualisation techniques work brilliantly with the creative minds. Deriving energy and pleasure from visual imagination has made the journey even more enjoyable. Hope 'Ruju' takes a word from this and starts on with a new life... here's to a peaceful aura! Go get him girl! I am with u... Our lives ve been running almost parallel... hope they intersect soon!

अनुत्तरीत...

गेल्या महिन्यात आम्ही कॉलेज मधल्या मित्र मैत्रिणीनी फार वर्षांनी एकत्र भेटून स्नेह संमेलन करायचं ठरवलं. सगळे, जवळ जवळ ८-९ वर्षांनी भेटत होते. आम्ही सगळे विज्ञान क्षेत्रातले असल्यामुळे, आमच्यातलं कुणी वास्तुविशारद होत, तर कुणी डॉक्टर,काही जण इंजिनियर होती, तर काही जणांनी आपापली क्षेत्र बदलली होती. एखाद दोन जणांनी स्वतःचा व्यवसाय म्हणून काही बिसनेस सुरु केले होते,तर एकीने दुकान काढले होते.एका पठ्याने गोरेगावात हॉटेल काढूनचं जम बसवला होता. काहींची लग्न झाली होती,काही जणांनी आपापसात लग्न करून टाकली होती,तर काहींची ठरायची होती. दोन लग्न ठरलेले बक्रे सुद्धा आले होते, ज्यांना छळायला आम्हाला फार मज्जा येत होती. काही जनांना पोरबाळं झाली होती तर काहींना व्हायच्या मार्गावर होती. काही मैत्रिणी गृहिणी होऊन घर सांभाळत होत्या,तर काही नोकरी आणि घर सांभाळून आपापल्या लहान मुलांना वेळ देत होत्या.एक मैत्रीण भल मोठ्ठ पोट घेऊन आठव्या महिन्यातही त्या स्नेहसम्मेलानाला आली होती. काही मित्रांना टक्कल पडू लागलं होत, तर काहींची पोटं सुटली होती.कुणी दाढ्या वाढल्या होत्या,तर एका मित्राने चक्क केस वाढवून त्यांचा बुचडा बांधला होता. तो सध्या फोटोग्राफी करत होता. संध्याकाळी शिवाजी पार्कात गप्पा झाल्यावर,आम्ही एका छान जागी रात्रीचे जेवायला गेलो. आमचा संचेत नावाचा मित्र काही येऊ शकला नाही. माझी सगळ्यात जवळच्या मैत्रिणीला समिराला तो मनापासून आवडायचा,पण तिने त्याला हे कधीच सांगितले नाही. तिने अजूनही लग्न केले नव्हते. तिचे सन्चेतवर प्रेम होते. आजच्या स्नेह्सम्मेलानाला ती त्याला आपल्या भावना सांगणार होती.आम्ही खूप वेळ वाट पहिली, पण तो काही आला नाही.संचेतची खूप आठवण काढत आम्ही त्याला, "येतोस का?" म्हणून एसेमेस केला. त्यावर त्याचा रीप्लाय आला,"काय म्हणताय तुम्ही सगळे? सॉरी मी येऊ नाही शकलो, एका मित्र बरोबर पीत बसलोय. परत केव्हातरी!" आम्ही सगळे क्षणभर गप्प झालो. आमच्यातले बरेच सुन्न झाले. कॉलेजमधे सतत हसत राहणारा, उत्साही, हुशार, हरहुन्नरी आणि आम्हा सगळ्यांचा लाडका मित्र आज काही नशेच्या क्षणांसाठी आम्हाला भेटायला आला नव्हता. आम्हाला हे जरा विचित्रच वाटलं. त्यावर आम्हा सगळ्यांची चर्चा एका वेगळ्याच विषयावर गेली. आमचा हा मित्र एका नामवंत कवीचा मुलगा.घरात साहित्य,संगीत,कला सर्वाला प्रोत्साहन देणारा वातावरण. कॉलेज मध्ये असताना तो मुलींशी खूप आदराने वागायचा आम्हा मुलींना तो सोबत असला कि फार सुरक्षित वाटायचं. तो प्रचंड वेगळ्या पातळीवरची विचारसरणी घेऊन जन्मलेला. दररोज काहीतरी वेगळं करायचं, आपण काहीतरी अद्वितीय करून दाखवायचं हा ध्यास घेऊन जगणारा.शिक्षण संपल्यावर हा जाहिरात क्षेत्रात शिरला तोच मुळी सर्वोच्च स्थान मिळवावा,ह्या जिद्दीने आणि त्या प्रमाणे तो एकेक पायरी चढत वर पर्यंत गेला.त्याच्यासाठी हे सगळं अपेक्षितच होत.पण काही गोष्टी थोड्या वेगळ्या घडत गेल्या, त्याला advertising क्षेत्रातल्या ताणामुळे वाईट सवयी जडल्या. कामाचा ढिगारा आटोपला कि दररोज दारू व्हायची,सतत सिगारेट ओढायची तल्लफ यायची,वेळी अवेळी बाहेरचा वाट्टेलते खायचा. त्याला ना भान होतं वेळेचं,काळाच ना आपण काय करतोय, कुठे जातोय ह्याचं. कलाकृतीसाठी नाविन्य हवं वेगळेपणा हवा,ह्यासाठी तो अनेक स्त्रियांचा सहवास घ्यायला लागला होता. आम्हा प्रत्येकाला त्याची एकेक वाईट बातमी कानावर येत होती. आज काय तर ऑफिस मधल्या मुलीवर अतिप्रसंग करण्याचा प्रयत्न तर उद्या कुणा जुन्या मैत्रिणीला अश्लील एसेमेस. कुणाला इंटरनेटवर पटवून बाहेर घेऊन जाणं नाहीतर कुणा ओळखीच्या मुलीला,"शरिरिक संबंध ठेवशील का?" हे बेधडकपणे विचारणं इतपर्यंत तो चलबीचल झाला होता. कलानिर्मितीसाठी नवनवीन स्त्रीसाहवास मिळावा म्हणून तो काहीही करायला तयार होता.आम्ही हे सगळ समिराला सान्ग्नार होतोच. कारण प्रेमात पड्ल्यामुळॆ तिला त्याचे अवगुण दिसत नव्हते. एकीकडे त्याच्या कलाकृती,जाहिराती,पाहून आम्हाला प्रचंड अभिमान वाटत होता, तर दुसरीकडे त्याच्या मानसिकतेची कीव येत होती. ह्या सगळ्या व्यसनांच्या आहारी जाऊन तो स्वतः कसा जगावं,हे विसरला होता. ना त्याला स्वतःची काळजी होती ना नातेसंबंधांची. त्याला हवं होतं यश. जे आम्हालाही हवं होतं. पण आमचे यश मिळवण्याचे मार्ग वेगळे होते. प्रत्येक यशस्वी पुरुषामागे स्त्री असते हे तो अभिमानाने सांगायचा. पण त्या वाक्यात किती किळासवाणी ओंगळ भावना लपलेली होती हे आम्हाला आज कळलं. त्याच्यासाठी ना मैत्री महत्वाची होती ना माणस. ह्या सगळ्याची हळहळ करत आम्ही जेवण उरकले. थोड्याशा उदास, विषन्न मनाने आम्ही मित्रमैत्रिणींनी एकमेकांचा निरोप घेतला. पुढे काही दिवस बऱ्याच कडूगोड आठवणींवर आम्ही जगत होतो. त्या भेटीची सुखद शिदोरी आमच्या प्रत्येकाला आमच्या सोनेरी दिवसांची आठवण करून देत होती. आजच एक फोने आला. संचेत गेला… वय वर्ष २५च्या आसपासचा अद्वेर्तीसिंग क्षेत्रातला उभारता तारा मावळला. त्याच्या मृत्यूच कारण मात्र कळलं नाही. कुणी सांगितलं लिवर खराब होऊन,तर कुणी म्हणत होत कावीळ झाली म्हणून, कुणी कळवलं इंफेक्षन झाला त्याला,तर कुणी म्हणाला 'दुसरच' काहीतरी झाला होता त्याला. मी ते काही आज लिहिणार नाही. मी आतून हलली आहे. का व्हावा शेवट एका तरुण रक्ताचा? आणि तोहि असा? इतक्या लवकर? का निर्धास्तपणे ह्या मुलाने उधळून द्यावा आपलं आयुष्यं असंच, कारण नसतांना? संचेत आम्हाला हवा होता, समीराला तो हवा होता,तो ह्या जगाला हवा होता. संचेटची कला त्याच्या क्षेत्रात नवे परिमाण ठरणार होती. तो खूप काही करू शकला असता. मी हे लिहित असताना मनात दुख आणि चीड सारखीच उसळून येतेय. का नाही थांबवू शकलो आम्ही त्याला? किवा त्याचे सुजाण आई बाबा?किवा हा समाज? काय चुकलं आमचं?मला हे प्रश्न भेडसावत आहेत. मन विकल झालंय. पण मी आता थांबायला हवं, कारण आज आम्हाला संचेतच्या घरी जायचं आहे. एका कवीच्या घरी,त्यांच्याच कलाकार मुलाच्या जाण्याबद्दल सांत्वान करायला. कोण कुणाचा सांत्वन करणार? कुठपर्यंत? कुणी कुणाला माफ करायचं? कस आणि किती समजवायचं?सगळे प्रश्न अनुत्तरीत...

Gurupournima

काल गुरु पौर्णिमा होती, एक गुरु आणि एक शिष्य ह्या दोन्ही भूमिकांमधून मी गेलेली आहे आणि जातेय. तो मार्ग बराच वेगळा आहे. दोन्ही भूमिकांमधून एकत्र, एकाच वेळी जातांना अशी जाणीव होते कि जगातल्या माणसांमधे जी नाती निर्माण होतात,त्यातलं माय-लेकरानइतकच अत्युच्च आणि समृद्ध नातं आहे. मी माझे अनुभव लिहितेय, एक गुरु म्हणून आणि एक शिष्य म्हणून. कालचा समारंभ: गुरु पौर्णिमेच्या अत्यंत सुरेख आठवणी घेऊन मी माझ्या क्लासमधे गेले. मुलींनी क्लासचा हॉल सुंदर फुलांनी भरून टाकला होता. इतका,कि फुलांमधून वाट काढत; मला आत शिरावं लागलं.मोगरा, चमेली, जाई, जुई, चाफा अशा एकाहून एक सुगंधांनी हॉल मोहरून गेला होता. त्यातच झेंडूच्या फुलांच्या तोरणांचा घमघमाट, शेवंतीच्या आणि अस्तरच्या फुलांनी काढलेली सुरेख रांगोळी, गुलाब निशिग्न्धाच्या फुलांचे गुच्छ,जागो जागी धूप, उदबत्त्या , अत्तरांचा सुवास, त्यातूनच भर पावसात गुलाब पाण्यानी केलेला सुखद वर्षाव. ह्या सर्व गोष्टींनी भरून येत होतं सारखं. अहो आश्चर्य! हॉल मधे शिरतांना मला ह्या पोरींनी फुलांच्या पायघड्या अंथरल्या होत्या!!! एन्ट्रीलाच इमोशोन्ल सीन करून आम्ही सगळे मोकळे झालो. माझ्या गोजिरवाण्या नाचऱ्या मुली आणि त्याहूनही उत्साही त्यांचे पालक. सुगंधांच्या दुनियेत सुवासाच्या पावलांनी प्रवेश करून मी आत पोहोचले, तेव्हा गर्भरेशमी आसनावर ठेवलेली नटराजाची फुलांनी सजलेली लखलखीत मूर्ती बघून माझे भानच हरपले. समोर तुपातली पंच -निरांजनं त्यांचा स्निग्ध प्रकाश आणि दोन उंच चांदीच्या मंद तेवणाऱ्या समया. त्यात उजळून, अद्वितीय दिसणारा नटराज. काय ते तेज! मी काही क्षण बघतच राहिले त्या मूर्तीकडे. जणूकाही तो आत्ता हातातला डमरू 'डीम डीम डीमकत' करून नाचू लागेल इतकं खरं होतं सगळं. गुरुंच्या अंतर्मनाला साद कशी घालता येईल आणि त्यांच्यातील कलाकाराला काय भावेल हे कसा काय ओळखलं त्या चिमुरड्या मुलींनी? माझ्या हस्ते नटराज पूजन झालं. गुरुं: ब्रम्हा, गणपती अथर्वशीर्ष , समुद्रवसने देवी ह्या श्लोकांनी हॉल मंत्रमुग्ध झाला. त्या त्या वास्तुचहि आपलं असं भाग्य आणि चैतन्य असतं, जेणेकरून अशा मंगलमय,अत्यंत सुखद आठवणी त्या वास्तूशी जोडल्या जातात. त्यानंतर मुलींनी गुरुं पूजन सुरु केल. गुरुंपूजनात मी दक्षिणा घेणार नाही असं कटाक्षाने सांगितलं होतं आणि माझी गुरुंदक्षिणा हि न्रुत्यप्रस्तुति स्वरुपात असावी असाच माझा आग्रह असल्याने,गुरुं पूजन विधी झाल्यावर मला नृत्याप्रस्तुतीची अनमोल गुरुदक्षिणा मिळाली.आधी माझे पाय धुतले गेले, त्यावर चंदनाचा लेप लावून परत दुधाने धुतले गेले,हळद-कुंकू फूलं वाहून मला नमस्कार करण्यात आला.सगळ्या मुलींनी आणि पालकांनी मला पंचारतीने ओवाळले. खणा-नारळाने माझी ओटी भरली . शिक्षण क्षेत्रात इतका समृद्ध करणारा अनुभव रोजच्या रोज आपण घेतो हि भाग्याची गोष्ट आहे. मी तर म्हणीन कि आज सर्व क्षेत्रातील सर्वात भरभरून समाधान देणारं हे क्षेत्र आहे.मानसिक आणि शारीरिक दृष्टीने समृद्ध करणारी नृत्यासारखी कला नाही. नंतर मुलींनी आपापले पेर्फोर्मंस सुरु केले. त्यांनी स्वतः बसवलेली नृत्य सादर करतांना त्यांना, त्यांच्या पालकांना आणि मला फार अभिमान वाटत होता. अभिमान, आपल्या कलेचा, आपल्या समृद्ध परंपरेचा. श्री. रामचंद्र कृपाळू भज मन , ठुमक चलत रामचंद्र, ह्या भजनांपासून; आज गोकुळात रंग खेळतो हरी, साधी भोळी मीरा तुला कळली नाही ह्या चित्रपटगीतांपर्यंत; लावणी, गोंधळ पोवाडा युगुल्न्रुत्य, श्लोक, लोकगीत; सगळ्यांवर नृत्य प्रस्तुती झाली. सध्याच्या आधुनिक तंत्रज्ञानाच्या काळात आय-पॉड वर एकानंतर एक गाणी घेऊन ती स्पीकर्सला जोडली गेल्याने सीडी घालून काढून घालून गाणी पुढे मागे करण्याचा वेळ वाचला.त्यामुळे कार्यक्रमही पद्धतशीर आणि आटोपशीर झाला. तीन तासाच्या ह्या बहारदार गुरुं पौर्णिमेच्या कार्यक्रमाने मला अविस्मारनिय आठवणी दिल्या. मग आम्ही सर्वांनी सहभोजनाचा आस्वाद घेतला. मजा मस्ती मस्करी आणि नकलांनी जेवणाला लज्जत आली. उत्कृष्ट बेतावर दमलेल्या मुलींनी,पालकांनी आणि मी ताव मारलाच. त्या नंतर काही पालकांनीही स्वतःचे अनुभव आणि प्रतिक्रिया बोलून दाखवल्या. त्यांच्या बोलण्यातून जाणवले कि आजचा पालकवर्ग किती सजग आहे आणि पाल्याच्या लहान आणि संवेदनशील मनांना त्यांनी कित्ती अलगद समजून घेतलय. ते सर्व ऐकून मला जितकं बरं वाटत होतं तितकीच मला वाढलेल्या जवाबदारीची जाणीव झाली. मुली माझ्याचकडे मोठ्या होणार आहेत आणि त्याचं भान मलाही त्यांची एक गुरुं म्हणून,एक मैत्रीण म्हणून आणि त्यांची पालक म्हणून ठेवायला हवं. दररोज मी ज्या मुलीन्बरोबर नृत्यसाधना करते, त्या माझ्या शिष्या, त्यांचे पालक आणि माझ कुटुंब हे हा आता एक मोठ्ठा जिव्हाळ्याचा परिवार झाला आहे. ह्या परिवाराला कलेच्या नात्याची घट्ट शिवण आहे. मी ह्या सगळ्यांहून वेगळी नाहीच आणि हेच करण्यासाठी माझा जन्म झाला आहे हे प्रकर्षाने मला जाणवले. मला गुरुं म्हणताना त्यांना माझ्या बद्दल वाटणारा आदर,हि माझ्या गुरुंमुळे मला मिळालेली अनमोल देणगी आहे आणि ह्याची मला जाणीवहि आहे.गुरुपोर्णिमेच्या ह्या दिवशी माझ्या गुरुंसमोर मी नतमस्तक होते. मला त्यामुळेच कि काय नटराजामध्ये माझे गुरुं आणि माझ्या शिष्या आणि माझ्या शिष्यांमध्ये आणि गुरूंमध्ये नटराज दिसायला लागला आहे.

'M' for...

There is magic here and there. Magic everywhere.

In petals of a flower and sharpness of grass in green of the leaf and the greenness that we feel, the greenery in our hearts.

Magic is in the hours we spend together, the air that makes me shiver, the arms that i sleep in, every night...magic is in the warmth of your hands.

Magic is in the picture i see;of yours;everyday,all around...as soon as i close my eyes...u are there...all magical... music we hear, the scenes we see all drawn from memories and the smile they bring,lighting up our faces with glee...

Do we get lost while we stare? yeah,only to find each other wandering through the myst....the twinkle in the eye matches with the stars in the sky...the shine,oh so sparkling and resplendent with magical shimmer of a thousand shooting commets.

Breathlessness of the final culminating blush, both of us...gasping for more,of everything.

The feathered kiss turns into a stream,then a waterfall, finally a gushing river unifying with the endless ocean.

We finally close our eyes...the sleep brings on more dreams to cherish.

Shower of emotions wets me in totality,not a tear is shed...surprisingly voodoo! The spell is cast, a voice echos deep withing i realise it is soothing...extremely assuring.

Who is playing tricks? Where do our senses go? what we smell is picturisque,we can now touch the fragrance but cannot see the sound... The cloak goes off...the deception grips us into addiction of feelings of going deeper.

Can i taste your face you say? I begin melting, you sip on the molten sweetness...steams of satisfaction engulf us...make us invisible to the world... we can now see each other within ourselves.

we surrender to the magic... now exist as one... Slipping fingers together with each other,what unifies,is more than just skin...looks, walks, touch...beyond gratificational limits are totally marvellous.

Each one of us has a wand...

Everyone is a magician!

Love = Inspiration.

If I v tried everything under the sun and nothing on this goddamn earth seems to work and instead of giving up I decide to face it, yet again. Go bang on in front of my remotest fears and make an agreement. An agreement of happiness. I decide to stay happy, (not content,not satisfied but happy). I know that I am happy when I am with you. In a given circumstance, the way I react to people and the situation around me decides exactly how I would be feeling a few moments later.

I can be straightforward without being blunt, be truthful without hurting. I have to,have to be honest... You call it innocence, some people call it ghastly, some think of it as weird, some say its madness... What ever it is, if i am smiling 24x7 (no matter what) and feeling peaceful inside...I am fine. Its like a calming echo of a huge valley...a dark dark night (which you described)... like the everythingness in nothingness when u sit on a beach(the way you described)...like the beauty of a small village home(your childhood memories)... of glow-worms illuminating the tree(i could see them glittering in your eyes),when a glow u feel around after meditating...warmth felt after chanting OM... whatever it is...

The journey with you is turning out to be fabulous. I am living every moment of it. I love the magic. It liberates me to have a sane and an insane talk with you. I feel protected. Its good to know you are there for me. Where-ever life takes us from here... It will be a dream walk. If this is what inspiration is, heck it be. The awareness is breathtaking. Destiny taking me at the right place at a perfect time. How gratified can I be! Optimism breeds on conviction to do good and be good.

It is good to be in love with someone...better if you are also in love with yourself and best when you love 'the love'. I completely trust people around. When I trust, you are sometimes bogged down by the responsibility that comes with those words. I don't say it. You would come to know if you look into my eyes. And if you do have the guts to look into my eyes and talk, you have won me. I become yours...truly... forever...

P.S.- Amused to go back to a blog prior and re-read it after entering this blog entry.

3z28kpm5dr

Arguement...

had a major melt down with a member from my gen-team. we debate...everyday!!!we work on good projects, some funded and some much coveted for. its just about pure unadulterated research... we do have some lousy swimmers with us (their DNA has already drowned in their family gene pool... now they have no where to go) Many know their genetics but a few can apply them loggically. One of the moron almost got us killed with his case conclusion. He could do the karyotyping but almost forgot his laws of inheritance... brilliance must b running in his family, only in a zig zag pattern-it had skipped his generation...totally. so this gen-team family will soon have a brain drain. some of the pseudos will be kicked off. biotechnology generates fantastic possibilities which scan the heros from villans in the most untraditional manner. Analysis for forensic purposes can make the judgement go round a fair poll. Do the biobanks at times collect some materials for medical purposes like autopsy and then use it for forensic purposes in secret? without the bioethical laws coming in? is the DNA collected in these cases, a 'property' of police that they can freely use for which ever purpose they want. tommorow i can collect a swab from a mere coffee cup in a bin and use it for my research purpose.....but then i ll have to register it in the DNA research registry, right? If tommorrow by some strangest of coincidence a case leads to the same uncared for DNA sample which otherwise would have just left as it is get to get utilised in harmless research? is it just bad luck of the fellow who got caught or too good to b true luck of the police or should the scientist who got the idea to go to a bin to get samples must b applauded? crime is crime. but where are ethics? we ve seen innocent people getting involved in real bad cases due to untamed right to ur own DNA policies. the debate was breathtakingly victorious... many questions still unanswered, some cases yet a mystery... the quest for truth is on. and the way shiney's case was overblown was bull shit by the way.

woken up...

There's something different about this someone. I find passionate ppl intriguing... dont we all want love in life? rather what is life without love? we may sometimes b mislead by theories of turning and manipulating life as we want, but randomly, it bowls u over... gives u something to dwell upon... something expectedly unexpected... u know its gonna happen someday...and one day, it just does... its kind of an initial sweetness in watching ur favorite rom-com... our wishes abt love might go as we wanted to... but the mind? it plays strange games. shows unduplicable uniqueness in the conflicts with urself... undoubtedly the attraction catches on... its not as important to others as it might b to u... so the world around goes on...but ur days start and end differently. we become disillusional about the way we feel about our heart.... in fact its more of the ones u r thinking... u r concious but u prepare urself well aware of ur nervousness about the thing. we are designed to b with our own sparks and faults. it troubles me to find tons of folks around trying to b different than what they are. y? y cant we accept who we are and stop blaming nature and circumstances.... r we meek enough to take the responsibility or are we fearful of taking a step ahead and stand up for what we do without feeling unnatural. we are humans... we have to remember... i am going to embrace myself... and so r some ppl around me...

lets try not to fake ourselves into a life of feeling nothing...we r not gonna b static forever. change is inevitable. we have a right to respond to a call...take the hand which is raised forward... taking things ahead...as naturally as they cud b... no need to push away any love, happiness or knowledge for a life of indifference...its best to feel something than to b numbed.

effects of a sugar overload....

eeeks...its a puky feeling when u get loaded with sugar.... especially when u wanna loose some flab.... so out goes the diet and in comes a circle...the yo-yo effect.. the clothes dont fit u anymore. u r whiling away ur time and feeling bloated and useless 24X7....so what do u do? eat some more.......NOOOO. For heavens sake save ur arse! and make the most of what u have....get on track..... I did! and now i am kickin some arse! love urself...

Well, i ll do anything to have a change in and around me. the routine though relaxing is kinda getting on my nerves. i wanna get something drastically done. a new course, a new love interest, a secret lover maybe....a crush, a new obsession, moving out of the house, getting some weird ideas.......er...grrrr..NOTHING is happening. i am sick of tweets, i am sick of orkut and facebook. i can throw up if i hear another click of the mouse. i wanna set free. i want ready free lunches , i want challenges. i wanna run nude on a beach. i wanna get a butt job done!!!!!!!!!!!!i want to be single and not mingle. i want to glamourise and be on the top of this world. i wanna write i wanna take a break. y doesnt the world just dissappear and let me B!!!!!! i hate these pressures. i hate the unpaid caregiving work that i do. i want value. i want to get sold out..... i wanna b house full!!!!!!!!!! i wanna freak out and i want a CHANGE........AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH.......

welcome march 2009

I welcomed march with the recent venus - moon cojunction..... a rare phenomenon that cud b seen with d naked eye.... it was very beautiful.... after a while the venus almost kissed the crest of moon making it look like a couple in love... watched a few more movies over the weekend....got a chance to read the editorials at leisure.... there was one blessing in disguise.... the domestic help left for a more lucrative job elsewhere. so i am left with the whole house under my order.... i am my house help...hehe! its fun cleaning and setting things up... wonder how long the fun element lasts...especially in the unbearable mumbai summers... but nw i can almost roam around and stay up late anywhere without the obligation of returning back for the servants... so its a new found freedom and a fab one at that! went 2 mom's last night and had a long long chat after almost an age.,. granny was happy seeing me.... bro was his mischievious self... had the heavenly famous dal rice for dinner! the most satiating meal ever... and returned back with a smile on my face. a close frnd of mine called up yest.and chatted 4 abt an hour... how exciting the conversation was.... he was a theatre frnd and so all the reports....critical acclaims were ripped apart...fun!
had a hearty chat with moi love today... and am happy 2 ve grown closer 2 him. on the way 2 success!!!!!! yippie..

thanks-giving in february!

yesterday evening was one helluva challenging one....the changing season and temperature rise took a toll on me...head gave its way to the throb and i was under the asprin influence to beat the pain.... neither reading nor television helped me to distract...and since it was a day off from the institute, i had nothing better to do than catch moi head and sulk.... so i decided to log on the net and wrote off testimonials to most of the ppl who matter to me the most! in my little way, i wanted to thank them for being there. not that they wanted the thanks....we rnt that formal...but somethings are best said than understood and telling ur loved ones how much they matter 2 u is the most wonderful feeling... not all of them r on orkut and hence the limit stays but thats most wot v can do...scream out 2 the world that u r so happy 2 b with them!!! After writing some testimonials my pain vanished!!! thats the power of thanks giving...The ppl on the list 2 whom i am presently writing testimonials....lets c how things turnout....its truely a great feeling to have had the company of these angels in my life...

success...

today was a fantabulous day....the results were declared and my 100% my students secured a 1st class.......i was truely elated and overjoyed and so were my little dancing angels and their parents....i was glad dat my mom (who is also my student)fared exceptionally well! ahh......its a sigh of relief..... a moment of worth celebrating abd cherishing!!!!! there was a major exchange of delicious sweets in the class......(ohh god, y do i have a sweet tooth!!! god....i love sweets!!!!!) its so very tempting.... especially when tiny li'l hands feed u with love. :D its so easy 2 say yes to the small lit-up faces...resplendent with sheer happiness and radiant with a sense of achievement at such a young age..... some tots are just 5 yrs old....almost out of their cribs learning how to dance even b4 they can say words......ofcourse dancing is the most natural way of expression!! wanna know how we celebrated???? ofcourse, with some more dancing!!!!!!!! with a promise to keep up the same spirit year after year!!!!! lord, i love these kids!! cant wait to have some of my own....amen. :D

calming chaos...strangely familiar!!!

God knows y am i blushing now a days?? getting goosebumps without a reason.... smiling incessantly....... thinking of someone...... losing myself in thoughts..... feeling all beautiful and in love..... dressing up pretty..... looking at the mirror more than once...... experiencing a calm warm yet uplifting feeling.......... finding more time to write....... getting out of breath with some thoughts... a strange feeling of content and happiness.... confidence of happiness and hope... ppl complimenting me all of a sudden....... things turning out to be absolutely perfect! enjoying every moment of it...... i guess, i am in love!!! my love is reading all of this and i cant help but blush some more....

a kool tip for a haute night!

After a long long time of abstaining myself from having that orgasmic dose of coco.....i finally gave up today...... had a small bar of pure blissful Ecstasy.... for a completely insane chocohol like moi....eating a bar is similar to having awesome sex after a loooong gap... the taste just gushes thru ur taste buds into ur blood stream....just like the oxytocin generated after u make love... i cannot explain how glad i was to have chocolate today(and chocolate it was.......nothing else-u pervert!) i am craving for more....nopes.....it has satiated me....it has calmed me down.....i dont wanna do anything for a while till the flavours seep in....the fragrance still sinks in my throat like a whiff of blissful wave..... makes me blush and go ohh ahh till the last bit melts off my mouth...... my senses unaware of the flushed look on my face and the choco-brown blob slathering smoothly thru my gut..... this is wild.... this is it!!!!! its the real thing!!!!!!! who needs love then??? the difference? yeah jumping over ur guy wud burn off a few cals but having a bar might not shave them off ur waist...... so i better get back to reality........ does that mean that i look out for a potential mate??? (for u know what???) naah..... its best to have a bar of chocolate by ur bedside...... for the time when temptation creeps in and u wanna get it done! isnt it a kool idea....... lol....

methinks...

He loved me as best he could and showed his love in the only way he knew how...... I guess I must be growing up.......I can now look back on my relationship and see it as an experience........... which I now count as a valuable and worthwhile part of my life... I've always found a kernel of wisdom in everything he's ever told me.... If there is one man in the world who really and truly went out of his way to make sure I understood what love should be, that man would be my sweetheart..........

Some things tug at me more than others.... How does that make me feel? I thought I would'nt be happy, but I am not..... I knew exactly when it all went not so right.Suddenly, this love thing is not too bad at all....... The road ahead looks chock full of adventures that I actually wanna discover. Im smiling again, the real smile......... that makes my entire face come alive, the one that comes directly from me.......... The one that makes the whole world smile with me.And guess what????? I am so incredibly proud of my sweetheart for continuing to love me...we are going to be okay!!!!!

and who is my sweetheart? now that's a milliondollar question!!! :D

my dream...

Hi....slumdog makes india proud yet again....with the secret behind its success lies in the fact that after he beauty industry the entertainment world fetches another potential hub of creativity in recession times that is our own INDIYEAH.... we'd not b surprised if we d have entertainment tourism like medical tourism developing as a new branch in the coming years encompassing the creative geniuses of hindustan...

on a personal note A.R. Rahman takes it all....is another potential contender for the most covetted men and is my latest crush list... ahhwww....he is so cute.... well guys, atleast i dont pretend.... i am forthright about whatever i feel about anyone and type it on right away....like i dreamed about my childhood sweetheart back fromschool days last night. he was in my class at adarsh. i dreamt of going on a date with him.... he held my hand and damn it felt sooooo good!!!! off how i sometimes wish i had a different destiny of being with him all my life.... but fate had something else in store.... somewhere down my heart i deeply know that he was and always be my 1st love..... we no longer talk but i still have this thing for him in my heart which still kindles the fire within..... i do not wear masks nor do i deny the thoughts that come naturally to me..... so....one soul....one energy.....different thoughts....same mind....different ppl....diff. emotions........yet one heart........just one ultimate love!!!!!!

UPDATE...

Updates-the back pain has considerably reduced...the blushing has increased.... survived on pure fresh veggies and fruits today as told by the doc... feels great to have actually eaten nothing but good food... shows on ur mood, ur thinking and also the way u look!!! i cud tell that coz i got some gr8 compliments today! and some flowers too!!! but listen, i had dinner outside post work as a social obligation.... sometimes u cant just say NO. but today i did.... had some soup, juice, tandoor kebab, salad and juice....which is kinda healthy at the restaurant.. dad thought i was crazy to have abandoned relishing the dinner but thankfully mum was supportive. wanted to write a lot, but sleep takes a toll on ..... have morning walk to attend to tom. so sining off here is..........the queen of blushing dreams.....relishing the cream of emotions.....KAJU...

surprise!!!

3 is my lucky no. and 3 is a part of his existence....i mean personality....i mean....err....name....maybe!!!! yeah someone pinged me on ma cell today quite unexpectedly....and that too with a maha stupid PJ...it wasnt even a pj.......a farse....i sent a frustrated smiley and a grrrr in reply........thats it..... the point is.......that its just yesterday and again 2 days back and 1 day before that i had incessantly dreamt of that person and i ve kept on dreaming abt the person for a long long time.....its an effortless....non wishing for...completely involuntary dreaming......... funnily i alos dreamt of the persons mom and house the day before yesterday.... quirky though....we share similar likes....we love our chips on rice...and we love sweets and we loooove potatoes....erik.....oink.....talk abt food tastes .....our wavelenghts also get coordinated at times.........like when ever i ve thought 'consciously' abt that person.......i ve got the persons glimpse....this is way beyond my belief.... i dunno wot is destiny upto.....i am neither expecting less....nor more....nor anything.......i better let this be.....but dunno y........somewhere down the heart... something is clicking..... infact the person uses similar words and terms in writing and fits into the description of my dream man to the hilt......keeping the fingers crossed!!! I hope he reads this blog and pings me yet again with a more daring confession.... here i am....signing off....like this dreamy eyed teenager.....blushing in crimson hues....yet again....praying that he'll land back....in my dreams...

R2=routine and reckless rutt...???.....errrr......Rest and relaxation...

Yesterday - After a macho workout at the gym, i had a quick shower b4 setting on for my evening classes grabbing a salad wrap bite on my way....the class happened...and then it all started....The spine started hurting badly.....the rib cage thomped.... i was in pain.......admitted at the nearest hospital for a quick scan with the radilogical machines stating that everything was fine except that i had over exerted myself causing the system clock crash..... i ve been advised rest and relaxation for a few days.... haaa??? when was i that busy??? anyways, u r right Mr. Doc. i ll listen to u........ so here i am.....bunking my gym today and soaking in some bath salts steam in the comfort of my home..... some deep breathing exercises and pranayama would do good!!! i cooked...yeah not listining to my doc.....but then it was the need of an hour...now off to some beauty sleep....a pot full of half bloomed jasmines waiting besides the bed to take me to a dream sleep trip......

candle light dinner...

Yesterday evening was special....the valentine mood lingers on as we had a nice candle light dinner at home... me dressed to the hilt ;D The candles set below the aroma infusion pots with essential oils fragrant with soothing scents.... the menu, simple.... cooked by me.... it was a long day for the both of us but i managed to somehow gussle up a yummy meal.... mint yogurt cherry tomato salad with parsley, stir fried veggies in coconut gravy with warm pita pockets... a perfect way to end the evening and crawl into the night with mushed up goodies to feast on....

New day...

Utmost faith in someone and belief in the almighty has let to astonishing miracles. as far as my life goes , it has taken a U turn. from drab to fab....things get glossy and enchanting. its almost like a dream. when ever time was something less than right, i prayed...genuinely...and prayers always get answered....

i have been brought up in almost an atheist enviornment but have been given the freedom to have and express my views.... my parents wudnt even mind if i engaged into any rituals or idol worship. i dint have strong views about god untill sometime last year.... spirituality, mysticism attracted me.... i wont lie, it seemed glamourous initially but as i merged into reading stuff.... and hearing experiences of ppl around.... i got involved... it seemed like a never ending quest....

fortunately I met the right people at the right time and enjoyed the benefits of being in enlightened company.... i can say that i now have got my spiritual guru.... the person seems to b a normal human but is far more than just a person.... i trust my guru and i follow the path shown and i know i ll be able to spread happiness around and make a difference.....

plus i have been lucky to have got a mentor at he same time....my mentor trusts me....... my mentor pushes me thru my threshold limits....... at the same time sees to it that i catch a breath when i am going too fast...... life cant be better!!!! its a pleasure to b with u ppl....